What now?

[rockstarchick]

I took my ex back this year after us breaking up quite badly
I moved in with him and it didn't work out
I was angry at him as he made bad choices with money and I felt completely let down
We were together almost 4 yrs and went through a lot
Because he begged and begged and said he would change (had bad moods) I took him back
I love him, had missed him and I have really really tried getting over him but I just can't
Since us seeing each other again it feels like something is missing
Can't explain it but I still feel so hurt and angry and I can't seem to move on from the hurt ...
He wants a baby and so did I until we split I said we aren't secure enough to bring a baby into the world ! He doesn't see it and gets upset when I won't discuss it
We have good days when things are good, we get on and have the same interest and then when we disagree like today he gets angry, threatens to leave me, says all I do is talk about work ( going through a hard time at work and I do talk too much about work ) and he feels he can't talk about his work because I did say to him he's very work oriented and doesn't have a good work life balance although I can seeing improvements from his side
( as he spent our deposit money for our house when we broke up ) and I feel he's made bad choices with money in general
Yes we split but his parents had given us the deposit for a house so when he spent all that time trying to get me back I thought he wouldn't just use the deposit money but it's all gone.
Today he has called me a cunt and I said stop shouting and swearing
As I won't take that
He got into one of his moods so I said he may as well go home
He then made a big thing getting all his stuff and left
He has some stuff here and had stayed her this weekend and was meant to be staying tonight
I feel sad, let down, but also don't know why I keep going round in circles
Friends in rl all hate him so no one to talk to really
Big sigh

Big sigh of relief, you have dodged a bullet. This isn't the sort of man you want to hitch your wagon to and raise a family with. Life should be full of fun and lots of laughter, relationships should be loving, not shouting and swearing.
Draw a line under this and move on. There are decent men out there, who won't fritter away money and who won't be moody all the time and who won't call you a cunt.

There is fun and laughter when it's good, hence why ive stayed and probably gone back
Thing is also it's the same mode he goes into
I'm no saint, I do the same but I don't call him names or shout
Every other word is fuck this funk that. He's sooo angry at life
Feel like I've wasted last few years and I don't feel happy deep down
Thing is why did I go back ?
I feel so strong like when he was storing about the flat leaving I thought good but after a few days after he has calmed down and he calls I give in
I feel weak and I don't want to be
Feel like I'm living someone else's life
I'm 36 a single mum and I just don't know how to get out this rut
X

You've tried but he's just an idiot who treats you and talks to you like shit. So leave him.