What to do

[sunngirl890]

Ladies I need some advice please on what to do.

So, me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years (we don't live together). Last night, we went out for dinner and drinks and then came back to mine for the night. We got into bed and as things started he asked if he could video me whilst giving him oral sex.

He has asked about this in the past and I do trust him 100% so have said I'd think about it. but I don't like the way I look (looks and body) and for something like that, I feel like I need to be ready for it and not just put on the spot about it.

So last night I wasn't ready, I was bloated from the evening, I had been at work all day and I was tired so I said no. He made a big deal about it, turned over and went to sleep, so I did the same.

This morning, he blamed me, saying I was the one who had got funny over the situation, and he only turned over because he was tired. He initiated things in the first place so couldn't of been that tired?! I told him why I said no and all he said was ' just blame me for everything then like always'. The way I see it is, if he didn't have a problem with me saying no, he wouldn't of just turned over and gone to sleep?

I feel like if I say no to something, he should just accept the fact I said no and wait till I'm ready to do it? He has left mine this morning and we haven't spoken, and I don't feel like I should be the first to make contact?

Any helpful advice on how to handle this will be great please. I've thought about sending him a message about how I feel and why I said no but again, I don't want to be the one to make contact first, I'm pretty upset over how he's handled it. TIA :)

You don't have to do anything sexually you don't want to.

• If the idea of it turns you on as well, or it's something you actively want to try, then fine, at some point try it, perhaps even plan for and initiate it yourself.

• If it's something you're OK with doing because you're not put off by it and you want to be GGG (good, giving and game as per Dan Savage), then also fine, but tell him explicitly what you need to feel comfortable to try it.

• If it's something you never want to do, then also fine. You're allowed to have boundaries and not do things you don't want to do.

Be honest with yourself about where this sexual request lies for you of those options ^.

It doesn't matter where anyone else's boundaries are.

Personally, the way he's reacted would put me off him and I'd be far less likely to try it and would be take a step back and be thinking about our relationship in general in the light of this - whether he's a bit of a bully normally, whether you feel he's got your back etc.

Never ever allow yourself to be filmed by this man. You would be a fool to allow it now.

He sounds revolting - the turning his back on you and withdrawing time, affection and attention when he didn't get his way is coercive and abusive.