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Original poster

I think he's fallen out of love with me

29 replies

sabrinaandsalem · 12/01/2019 16:12

I've been thinking for a while now my DP of two years doesn't love me anymore. He's completely gone of sex and actually ticks all of the boxes on this article

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/magnetic-partners/201803/6-signs-falling-out-love-partner?amp

But when I talk to him about it, he says I'm being silly and he does still love me and is IN love with me. Yet he does absolutely nothing to reassure me. For example last night I explained how I felt, regarding how he never wants to spend time with me nor sleeps in our bed anymore, he seemed to understand and listen, and said "just stop worrying, I'll see you in the morning" and went and played his PlayStation until 3am and then slept on the sofa. We had plans today but he's too tired to do them.

We used to spend quality time together, wed laugh a lot, have regular sex, generally just a happy normal relationship but it feels like I live with a stranger and I don't see how he is denying anything is different?

I mean, does it sound to you like he's fallen out of love with me and what can I do? I'm so unhappy, I miss the intimacy and to be honest it's making me feel really shitty about myself.

OP posts:
autumngazer · 12/01/2019 16:25

Even if he says he is in love with you. Is this the sort of relationship YOU want? X

Original poster
sabrinaandsalem · 12/01/2019 16:30

That's a really good point. I guess I haven't even thought of that to be honest.
No, I don't. I'm an independent woman (i like to think!) but I like affection and I guess I don't see the point in us living together the way things are. With him sleeping in the living room I feel like I can't go down there sometimes, it's like it's not my own, the bedroom is mine, but the downstairs is his. If that makes sense. I must sound pathetic but honestly, it was never like this. I just don't get how it's happened nor why.

OP posts:
autumngazer · 12/01/2019 16:37

I was in a very similar relationship with my ex. We were head over heels when we first met. Then the affection and intimacy stopped. We stopped having sex. It was a lonely relationship to be in. You can't make the effort for both of you. It had to be 50/50.

Dunin · 12/01/2019 16:44

How often is he playing on the PlayStation?

pallasathena · 12/01/2019 17:13

Gaming problems. He's addicted to his gaming and its an increasingly big problem in relationships.
I'd sit him down and tell him you're not prepared to compete with a computer game.
Tell him you are worth far, far more and if he can't or won't see that, then its time to call it a day.

Original poster
sabrinaandsalem · 12/01/2019 17:36

@Dunin he plays from the minute he walks in from work (can be anywhere from 2pm-4pm) until midnight - 1am on the weeknights, weekends he's on from the moment he wakes up until pretty much Monday!

When i say I'm competing with the game he says that I'm trying to control him. I honestly don't think I am, I just want my boyfriend back - well that or to be single and not live like this anymore!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 12/01/2019 17:40

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

Doing anything that takes you away from the relationship in ALL of your free time means they've checked out

Buglife · 12/01/2019 17:40

He’s living like he’s single. He won’t come back to who he was, this is who he really is and he doesn’t want to put the effort in anymore. I do not understand grown men who do this, hours spent on computer games when you live with people is so selfish. He’s a lodger. You will be happier without him. Don’t ask him if he has gone if you, you are not the problem. Tell him you want a partner, not a lodger or a teenager you let live with you, and he changes or goes. You deserve better. A man who acts like a proper partner.

Original poster
sabrinaandsalem · 12/01/2019 17:45

It's been an issue for months, but he really belittles me when I mention it and says I should just "let him be a man". He plays with younger lads who are all single, still live with their parents and I'm pretty sure most of them are drug dealers, they all smoke weed anyway. Which is neither here nor there tbh, that's their call but why the hell does my partner want to play shooting games with boys instead of having a life with me?

I am feeling insecure right now but I know I'm not all bad, I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2019 · 12/01/2019 17:49

How old are you both op?

lifebegins50 · 12/01/2019 17:50

2 years is usually the stage where each person relaxes into how they will be..this is him.

The early stages were "best behaviour". Don't listen to his words, watch his actions.
If his behaviour doesn't change in response to your requests then that isn't love.

His definition of a relationship isn't the same as yours. He does sound very juvenile and I couldn't respect a man who just games..my teen boy is more responsible than him.

autumngazer · 12/01/2019 18:15

'Let him be a man' 'you're trying to control him'. Typical gaslighting. Trying to make you think you're the one with the issue.

Honestly, you sound like you have so much more about you. Bin him off. He sounds like such a man-child.

SandyY2K · 12/01/2019 18:32

What's the point of the relationship as it is.

I'd be saying you aren't happy and it's not working for you. Then end it. He's addicted to gaming.

Dunin · 12/01/2019 18:33

Honestly, it’s difficult to see how this can improve unless he gets rid of the consoles. That’s unlikely to happen because he’s addicted. You’re best off getting out of the relationship now before you invest anymore time. Don’t be me. I’m with a game addict and I’ve got kids and I’m stuck. If I could turn back time I’d never ever have a relationship with a game addict. It’s soul destroying and makes for a lonely, depressing life. For God’s sakes get out now. Get yourself a place on your own, go out doing hobbies and find yourself a guy who has some sort of interest in the outside world.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 12/01/2019 18:37

Fuck, I wouldn't put up with that for a minute longer!

Closetbeanmuncher · 12/01/2019 20:09

I nearly choked on my own saliva at the "let me be a man" Blush

He wants to play shooting games with boys instead of being with you because mentally he is a boy.

Jesus, get this loser up out your house already....what exactly are you waiting for?

Original poster
sabrinaandsalem · 12/01/2019 20:41

I'm 26, and he's 30.

I'm so relieved to read these messages. I honestly had started to believe I was the controlling person he keeps making me out to be.

It's not normal to behave this way at his age is it? Not when you're in a relationship, surely? He says I should be grateful it's just a game and he's not out cheating on me.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 12/01/2019 21:21

He says I should be grateful it's just a game and he's not out cheating on me.

Really? You should be grateful he's not cheating. You're wasting your time with him.

If he was a casual BF and the sex was off the charts.... and he showed you a good time then he might be worth having as a fill in/stop gap BF...until you find a better one.

With none of those things...he's a waste of space.... and time.

Confusedalarms · 12/01/2019 21:23

He says I should be grateful it's just a game and he's not out cheating on me.

Wow. I’m not accusing you of lying, OP, but that really is unbelievable. The selfishness, the entitlement, the fact that no fucks are given.

Get rid of him. Please.

CatnissEverdene · 12/01/2019 21:27

If he lived with me, there would have been a hammer through his game console months ago! Nothing more pathetic than a grown man playing at being someone else.........

Find someone who wants to spend time with you. Life's too short.

autumngazer · 12/01/2019 21:33

I'd be making plans for him to get gone. You're young! don't settle for him. He sounds so boring. I would just get rid, but it down to experience and move on. You sound like a decent girl with your head screwed on. If you were one of my mates I'd be telling you to sack him right off. Don't settle for substandard. He sounds so 'meh'. You should be squirrelled upstairs whilst he is lording it up downstairs.

autumngazer · 12/01/2019 21:36

*shouldn't be

heartyrebel · 13/01/2019 02:25

Hes addicted to gaming and this could go on for years and years. Save yourself, he will not stop for you.

Bubs101 · 13/01/2019 02:54

I never understood grown men who were addicted to gaming. I mean I get wanting to play as a hobby every now and then but at that age, I'd like to think there would be more important things in a man's life such is his career or his OH that he would want to focus on, rather than wasting his time shooting virtual characters. It all seems a bit juvenile to me.

He sounds very immature OP, and seems like he's stopped putting the effort it now that you're at the 'comfortable' stage. I'd have a serious chat about the future of your relationship, do you really want to spend the rest of your life feeling like second place to a games console? Best of luck op x

AgentJohnson · 13/01/2019 07:18

This is not about him! If you valued yourself more you wouldn’t tolerate this situation.

Your relationship isn’t with the person he was or the person you hope he will be in the future but the man child he is now.

Stop humiliating yourself by begging for affection from someone who doesn’t care. Get yourself to M&S for some big girl pants.

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