What ducks do you need to line up if you are the one leaving?

[Ineedtonamechangenow]

Just that really. Starting to plan my exit and don't really know where to begin

I'm assuming neither of you work then?
You are both home all the time?

Please speak to your GP.
You could have well overdue and undiagnosed PND.

It's not often that a mother wants to leave 2 very young DC.
So you need some help and support from professionals.

Have you spoken with your DH about any of this?
Is he abusive?
If so then you need to discuss this when you see your GP.

We're both home 90% of the time tbf. DH is a full time student and works the odd day here and there to cover expenses and I work evenings to pay the bills.

Please can you take a trip to see your go and get some help there for how you’re feeling

I feel a bit better today. I guess you guys are right. I find it hard to talk to DH lately as we're on eggshells with eachother and defensive over things. Both of us.

I'm going to stick it out and just enjoy my boys. I know it sounds pathetic but I got my hair cut yesterday and it feels nice

Glad you’re feeling better after your haircut.

So you get out much in the day and have other adult company, other than your dh?

I've been home more lately since it's been cold. We've had a spell where the twelve month old has slept morning and afternoon and the two year old has slept over lunch. It's been pretty limiting.

I've tried to build up a friendship group and am doing ok but am distancing myself currently from some that I feel aren't healthy for me. Ie those that always talk about how annoying their toddlers are or how difficult my situation is. Apparently I "manage well" and they don't know how I cope. I'm trying to build up a network of more positive people. I probably sound ruthless. Sorry.

I find mostly that it's a cycle of preparing food and clearing up after meals. One of my boys is both gluten and dairy free so I don't particularly have the fall back of convenience foods

It’s sensible to be around positive people, and it’s certainly limiting if they are both sleeping.

Op I didn’t want to read and run. My sister went through similar feelings she had undiagnosed PND. Don’t do anything you might regret. In her lowest point she called Samaritans, it’s not just for those who are suicidal. Talking to someone objectively helped her see a bigger picture. Huge hugs for for you. You can be ok.