More contact from male friend - would you read anything into it

[ohitsgotadownstairsloo]

We’ve worked together for a couple of year and have always got on well but generally just talked when we were working the same shifts and at work socials, never really messaged outside of work.

Recently we’ve done a lot of the same shifts together and he’s been messaging a lot more, asking what shifts i’m on, saying he’s bored when he’s working and i’m not and the other day re-arranged his breaks to have lunch with me.

All the messages are innocent i’ve just noticed it’s changed a lot and don’t know if there’s anything in it or if he’s just bored. I am not interested in anything more than friendship and he has a long term girlfriend so I hope it is the latter but just don’t know if I should back off or if it’s fine and i’m reading too much into it.

I suspect that he's testing to see whether you'd be interested, OP.

Thanks Super, I believe that men and women can be friends so feel bad for questioning it when all he's doing is being friendly but the fact I am questioning must means there's something a bit off I suppose.

Don't understand why suddenly now as nothing has changed at all

Don't understand why suddenly now as nothing has changed at all

It may have for him though. Why don’t you ask him out?

This is why I find male friendships difficult because of the above so I keep them to a distance. I would bring it up though or could cause awkwardness at work.

I'm inclined to agree that he's possibly testing the water.

Although - Does he talk about his girlfriend? what they are up to at the weekend / plans to go to a party / concert / holiday together? (Positive things not moaning about her)

He does talk about his girlfriend sometimes, not a lot but when he does it's normally something neutral. He doesn't moan about her

Ok so he's not writing her out of history by not mentioning her, and he's not moaning she doesn't understand him etc so that's good news.

You have said you aren't interested romantically, so as long as your messages and interactions are not flirtatious then in your mind you can know that you haven't crossed any lines (if in doubt about anything being messaged imagine his girlfriend was reading it)

You say his messages are innocent so as long as they stay that way and his behaviour is as he would treat other friends then nothing wrong there.

The only things that worry me is that he's messaging a lot more (I'm imagining daily, I might be wrong) and I would suggest lunch/breaks are in a group not just you two if possible.

I do think some men and women can be friends, but not all of them! I have male friends at work but we message occasionally (like not for weeks or months at a time because there is no need, we see each other at work anyway) Lunches and drinks are a group affair but I guess it depends on your work. There's a lot of us at my place.

I think all you can do at the moment is keep an eye on it and be prepared to make it clear you are not interested, and remind him he has a girlfriend, if his tone turns flirtatious (If you are going on dates / interested in someone and he asks what your plans are feel free to drop that in to the convo so he knows your sights are set elsewhere) I would recommend not getting in the habit of texting a lot though, it's a slippery slope as the conversation can change over time. There is no need really if you see each other at work.

I dunno, me and a male friend used to arrange lunches together and there was nothing going on. He wasnt remotely my type and I wasn't his, plus he had a girlfriend. Been friends with other guys too that felt more like brothers. One of them even said that. It could easily be nothing.

I have had other male friends request more from me though and I've declined and backed off from the friendship. So it could go either way.

I do think some men and women can be friends, but not all of them! I have male friends at work but we message occasionally (like not for weeks or months at a time because there is no need, we see each other at work anyway) Lunches and drinks are a group affair but I guess it depends on your work. There's a lot of us at my place.

Yes I agree and this is how I would describe it before, no concerns at all. It's only cause i've noticed a change that i've thought about it