Husband and I have split

[Outherelivingmybestlife]

My husband and I decided today to call it a day, for me it was obvious his heart hasn't been in it for a few weeks so I called him on it (hoping we could talk and sort our shit out) but instead we have split and are getting a divorce.

I'm devastated.

I'm trying to be strong and say it's for the best but I'm not sure I believe it actually is. He's so adamant that's it though that there is no point me trying or begging him to reconsider. He has said he's felt like this for ages even though I've only felt it for a few weeks and when I look back at photos we had happy times not all that long ago.

We have a child who is under 1 and I'm gutted we haven't been able to make it work for his sake. I can't sleep now even though I'm desperate to.

I feel like a failure.

I'm married 20 years..kids, house, dogs etc etc..I never paid any mind to people who said marriage is a work in progress and that it takes effort..I thought that was clap trap..until it dawned on me that the problems I had in my own marriage (not feeling all loved up, bit bored etc) were simply because I'd stopped working at it and putting effort in. We both had..A firm resolve to bring things around, a bit of counselling and a bit of time have saved it. We feel a bit renewed now, like young lovers (which we're not..😊). Your Husband needs to know that he's risking leaving at the best time of his life....a young baby and all the fun that brings...just cos he's a bit jaded...I hope you can give each other time before you serve any papers. X

I thought that was clap trap..until it dawned on me that the problems I had in my own marriage (not feeling all loved up, bit bored etc) were simply because I'd stopped working at it and putting effort in. We both had..A firm resolve to bring things around, a bit of counselling and a bit of time have saved it. We feel a bit renewed now, like young lovers (which we're not..😊
Me too. Been together25 year.
The last 3 years I've really put the work in and boy had it made a difference.
It's the happiest we've ever been and that's saying something as the first 14 years were pretty amazing.
But it can be tough. Anything good takes and energy.

Takes time and energy

I think I'm going to print this all out and show him later as we have said we will talk again tonight to discuss things further. I'm terrible at saying what I mean well and all you have put across very good points and said what I'd want to say but in a way better than I could right now.

Thank you again for all your advice, it really is appreciated.

I wouldn't show him this thread tbh.
Keep it as a place to get your thoughts straight.
Anything on here you want him to hear, just write it down elsewhere.

I think the best thing is to get legal advice for yourself and get things settled as quickly as possible in a way that protects you and your child.