To no want to sleep with DH

[lboogy]

I gave birth 6 months ago and because dc kept waking at night ( exclusively breast fed) we agreed he'd sleep in the spare room weekday. This then extended to weekends and it's now been 6 months since we slept in the same bed

Dc suddenly started sleeping through the night and DH wants to come back into the bedroom with me. I don't want him to and I don't want him touching me either

I'm not sure whether to tough it out tonight or just tell him I'm not ready for him to come back. I've no sex drive or have any interest in him being physically near me . Not sure what to do. I'm assuming these feelings will fade?

We never had a really active sex life - at least not in the last 2-3 years

It’s not just a PP issue if you haven’t had much of a sex life for 2-3 years. Have you ever spoken about it between you?

But ethically you really don't have that right to leave. If you have a baby, don't want sex for the next year, only a very terrible man could use that as justification to leave

You'd be amazed how many men haven't been told by anyone (their partners included) that having a child may well result in zero sex for a year. Like, zero. Quite a lot of people are somewhat put out by this when they find out AFTER the baby has been conceived.

And it's not just sex, this is a complete withdrawal of all intimacy and all physical contact.

I get not wanting sex. I don't get not wanting someone even near you e.g. on the same sofa or in the same double bed without touching. That screams "relationship problems" to me.

Can you explain that you need to take thing slowly as it's been a while, that you may need a few weeks to build up to full sex. I remember feeling that I'd had enough of being physically touched when I had small children and it can be very hard to move past that.

if he has a sex drive and would like intimacy then he will eventually look for that with someone else if you don’t talk about it and/or are never prepared to provide it. Your choice

So, if you have hardly had sex for 2-3 years, did you just do the deed so you could get a baby and get shot of your husband? You just strung him along to get a baby?

OP if you haven’t really had sex for 3 years do you even want to be with your DH? It honestly sounds like you can’t even bare to be near him.
Do you ever just give each other a hug? Kiss on the cheek? Curl up together on the sofa and watch a film?

Because intimacy in a relationship is more than just sex and honestly I couldn’t stay in a relationship if I wasn’t getting intimacy.

if he has a sex drive and would like intimacy then he will eventually look for that with someone else if you don’t talk about it and/or are never prepared to provide it. Your choice

Yep. Strangely enough those that have gone off sex, suddenly gain an interest when they find out he's been having an affair... the joys of hysterical bonding.

I understand, although we had other issues as well, when exh just decided to come to bed again after nearly three years it was so weird.

I think almost any marriage can survive a dry spell WRT sex. Mine did. Small children, lack of sleep, BFing and being touched all day aren't conducive.

But I don't think marriages often survive a lack of loving touching. Kisses, hugs, hand on the arm, pat on the back, that kind of thing. Also being told 'I love you'.

DH has a friend whose wife for very good reasons doesn't want to shag him. But the saddest thing I've heard is from DH. They were in the pub and DH got a text flash up from me that said "hi gorgeous, do you need a lift home?" The friend was really sad because his DW never calls him pet/affectionate names. The sex is one thing, the love is quite another.

Agree totally mrsterry

As others have said...unless you address this...kiss goodbye to your marriage. No partner, no matter how loyal, will put up with no affection indefinitely. Don't be surprised if he leaves you...in his place I would.

I couldn't live in a sexless and touchless marriage and it's unreasonable to expect your DH to. Intimacy is so important.

Your DC is still very little. I'm sure you're still emotionally and physically knackered.

My advice would be to get your DH back into your bed, but tell him nicely that sex is not on the cards right now. That way you can have a nice cuddle / kiss without any pressure. You know what, you might just enjoy it.

Dieu

Why the shocked and angry face, when pretty much everyone else has said the same thing??
No relationship can survive an absence of sex, affection and physical intimacy. Sleeping together in the same bed is very much a part of that.
And even if it were to survive, I would have a question mark over both partners' happiness and ability to remain faithful, in what is a fairly weird set-up.
Believe me, I speak from experience. No sex is pretty much the death knell to a relationship.

I just think you can still be affectionate and in love without shagging all the time or sharing a bed every night...........

Absolutely agreed, but there is a marked difference between shagging all the time, and not shagging for years. Or not sharing a bed every night, and sleeping apart over a prolonged period of time.
Balance is key, and not the extremes as outlined by the OP, or your good self in that previous comment.

I agree with BigChris. I know exactly his you feel but I did this and then I could never let him back in again and my marriage is over.