Is this a red flag?

[Houseonahill]

Hello sorry if this is a silly question but I've had a few bad/abusive relationships in the past and I try and be ultra careful now so don't know if I'm just making a mountain out of a mole hill....

So I've been seeing a guy for a few weeks, nothing serious just one date and texting/phone calls everyday, he seems very nice and respectful but one thing that is bothering me is he keeps calling me not my name but similar so for example if my name was Danni he keeps calling me Annie, I have said to him twice you do know my name is Danni and not Annie don't you and both times he has said "yeah but I like Annie better"

Is that a red flag? It seems weird to me tbh I don't mind the name and I'm not very precious about what people call me (annoying long name with lots of abbreviations) but it seems odd to keep calling someone the wrong name because you prefer it especially after they have commented on it?

Thanks in advance

That's batshit.

Weird. Already changing your name to suit him. Get rid pronto would be my advice. Do it by text and yes, do call him a different name (and say you like it better)

My sister was married to a man who consistently called her by a name that was similar to hers but not correct. I was only a kid (10 years younger) but I remember feeling really upset that he did this and didn't understand why I was more bothered than she seemed to be. Turns out it was probably my own red flag early warning system because he was (still is because the fucker isn't dead yet) an absolute horror.

He would insist on calling her the wrong-but-similar name even after being corrected repeatedly. She gave up correcting him and just answered to the wrong name.

He went on to become emotionally, verbally and financially abusive to her (the emotional abuse started before they were married - I remember her hiding in the bathroom with her jam sandwich when he came to pick her up a bit early one day. She didn't want him to see her eating because he would pick on her about being fat even though she was very, very slim) and he also sexually abused me when I was an under-age teenager.

That is really weird! Sounds like a control thing, which is very worrying this early on!!!

Clutching at straws but we best he's trying to be funny?! But it's rude and disrespectful so I'd be very wary.

I'll tell you what your name is

Dating the guy more like dumping the guy. He's not worth it! NEXT ! 😂

Um...very odd, yes. Not a red flag I have actually heard of before but could be construed as him testing the water to see how compliant you are. Or maybe I’m reading too much into it.

Your name is fundamental to your identity. Having someone else use their own preferred version is disconcerting. Any other indicators that he might be a bit of a handful?

“My name is Danni. Call me Danni.”

If you’ve been clear on preferring your own name and he has persisted, he’s a twat.
He wouldn’t like it if you did the same to him, I’ll bet.

He wouldn’t like it if you did the same to him, I’ll bet.

Yes, be subtle about it, if he's called Mark, instead start calling him "Twatty McBallbagface". See how he likes dem apples.

Gosh op many people won't even tolerate an abbreviation they don't like. Of course you should not accept him calling you by another name. Is there any chance he was joking because he was embarrassed he was calling you the wrong name?

I don't know what to suggest. He might consider it an 'in joke' between the two of you now.

At the very very very best he's got a rubbish sense of humour. At worst he's controlling. I would probably leave it tbh.

I’m a bit antagonistic at times (it must be said) and if I feel disrespected or like someone is trying to manipulate me, I fight it. Owing to past experiences I am fearful and wary of being made a mug of or treated badly. I have no qualms letting the other person know that I am aware of their agenda and I am not submissive.

If it were me...and I’m not advising you do this, just if it were me...I’d show him how it is by playfully (but pointedly) calling him by the wrong name. Like if his name was John, I’d cheerfully call him Julian because I prefer it.
He’ll either realise it’s a dick move and stop...or he’ll escalate. An escalation indicates he expects to have the upper hand, won’t tolerate being confronted over poor behaviour and will ultimately show himself to be a bully.
In my very honest opinion.

Yes, be subtle about it, if he's called Mark, instead start calling him "Twatty McBallbagface". See how he likes dem apples.

Yep, run.

Avoid.

It’s a huge red flag. I had a “friend” like this and it started with her refusing to call me by my name and ended with her refusing to respect my sexuality (I’m straight, she’s not). She was very coercive and narcissistic, tries to change people into what she wants the to be. I quietly backed away but she poisoned a very close male friend against me after 10 years of friendship and sabotaged a huge career opportunity for me. The name thing was the first red flag. Get the hell away from him!

He's gaslighting your name! He's trampling a very basic boundary containing who you are as a person, you're identity. Who does he think he is? You should have dumped him the second he changed your name to fit his preference.

Ooft. Huge red flag. Block him.

I hope he doesn’t know where you live. That might be awkward. In the way stalking is awkward.

Be careful out there, OP.