Not enjoying my husband being around

[moumoute]

I need to vent about my rotten relationship with the dad of my baby who is 11months. We used to be best friends and I used to cuddle him a lot.
We always had arguments but now it's pretty much everyday. When we don't have arguments I simply just don't enjoy his company. We were together for 5 years before having baby. He is a good dad otherwise. We haven't had sex for 1.5 years but there was never the perfect chemistry ever. Most worrying is that we have not cuddled/hugged/touched each other since birth of our baby.
Is that the same deal for everyone? Relationships are just hard work and pretty much awful after having kids? I should mention that we aren't from the same country which adds a layer of problems!

That sounds pretty lonely for both of you.

It sounds as if you have already checked out of the relationship, so I'm not sure that counselling would be much help if you just don't enjoy his company.

Time to sit down and have some honest conversations about the future.

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy thanks for your comment. We do discuss a lot and we also come to the conclusion of staying together as we come from 2 different countries. Splitting would be awful for baby and we both want to be with him everyday.
Can we stay together like roommates? He doesn't seem to any libido anyway so that's not a huge deal for him not to have sex/affection.

I currently live in his country...

Could you live separately but nearby in his country?

I think living together as room-mates might get complicated if either or both of you starts a new relationship. Or unless you get some clear ground-rules in place.

It sounds as if you both care for and respect each other though, and I think it's admirable you are both talking this through. Good luck with whatever you decide.

LTB.

What are women's rights like in his country of residence?. Are you married?.

Would you really want to stay together as roommates?. That seems unsatisfactory for all concerned. You both should be teaching your child more positive lessons about relationships, not be staying really together now because of her. Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment as you have done as well, you really do deserve better. If the relationship is at an end, then it is at an end. This is over really bar the shouting.

Relationships should not be such hard work, they need attention but they should not be this difficult.

Do not teach your daughter that a loveless marriage is to be her norm too.

Relationships are not supposed to be hard work, that is a big fat myth. Yes, you should work at your relationship but that is not the same thing at all.

Nobody should live their life in fear of angering their partner, or skirting round issues that might upset him. Or put up with cheating and lying for fear of rocking the boat.

Nobody should 'stay together for the children', or because of your marriage vows. If your husband treats you badly, he has broken the vows. Children are much much happier being brought up by parents who live apart than in an atmosphere of fear and loathing.