So it turns out that he’s unreliable with child maintenance

[TwiceMagic]

This is mostly a moan. Feel free to tell me what a complete bastard my ex is.

I split up with my ex at least a year ago, but had to endure a period of cohabiting unhappily while the house sold. I moved in August but didn’t receive any CM from him until December. This was because he’s an arsehole he decided I needed to pay him £1000 because I was keeping the (old) car (which is paid to tax, service, MOT, fix etc. Since I didn’t have £1000 to give him at the time, he magnanimously agreed that he’d just not pay me maintenance until December.

So he paid £300 into my account on 1st December. But I’ve been checking my account and so far there’s been no January payment. I suspect that he’s unilaterally decided that he doesn’t need to pay it because he had DS for a week over Christmas (and boy was he petty about ensuring equal time there). So I’m going to have to ask him about it.

I really don’t want to have to try to have a conversation with him about this. He’s a complete arsehole and was abusive during the relationship (financially but also emotionally and sexually). He’s a piece of work. I wonder if he wants to force me to ask for the fucking money because that’ll give him a power trip.

What makes it even worse is that he was always so scathing about DS1’s dad and maintenance. He tried to make out that he wasn’t stepping up properly (yet he paid, and still does even though DS1 is 18, much more than ex will and never missed a fucking payment). In hindsight I think he just wanted as much money as possible but dressed it up as being concerned about good fathering. So he’s a hypocritical and controlling arsehole who doesn’t fucking pay maintenance on time.

Part of me thinks that I don’t actually need the money so why should I give him the satisfaction of begging for it. I won’t go under without it. I would like to use it to help pay off the £8k of credit card debt I accrued escaping the bastard but I can cope with doing that (slowly) over time.

Mostly I just don’t want him to be able to fuck with my life. I hate him. Really hate him. He’s been an arsehole about several things this week and I just don’t need to have to deal with this too.

I’m pleased you’re going to contact the CMS. The less contact with him the better it sounds.
Don’t just let the maintenance slide for an easy life... he’s relying on you doing that!
And congratulations on getting away from the twat!

Go to the cms and get sorted, once he realises he has to pay them on top

Don’t threaten or argue- jyst pay your money for your son to get what’s due to him

I echo what everyone has said. Go through the cms. I was complacent about ex's child support. But after he pleaded poverty but went on holiday. I drew a line.

It is still being sorted out 6 months later. But the arrears are adding up. And I no longer have to keep chasing him to pay. He liked having the power over me. So I have taken It away.

As for contact. I will only answer about the children's availability. And I will pass on dates for school parents evening and assemblies etc. I do not communicate about anything else. If he has any concerns about your parenting tell him to take it up with social services.

It is a big shift for you. Ex had me dancing to his tune. Bending over backwards for him when I was with him. The moment ow appeared I draw my line. Told him clearly. I will only talk to him about the children/contact which is eow. And money. Which is now in the hands of the cms. He hates it. But after a year now. Doesn't try to engage with me anymore.

It is sad it has come to this but he took the piss out of me. And owes me over £4K in child support. If it weren't for the children I would never speak to him again.

Stay strong. You owe him nothing.

My ex sounds like him. He tells the kids that I'm lazy and don't do anything anymore and they just laugh at him because I do everything. I mostly ignore what he says and occasionally let him have it with both barrels.

He lives in his own fantasy world and is spewing crap. It's telling that the only bad thing he can say about your parenting is about the water bottle etc (which is normal as kids continually lose stiff like that) so that must mean by default that you're an amazing parent (otherwise he would let you knwo).

So just ignore him or laugh about it with your friends (that's what I often do - it's become a bit of a sport ).

And go to the cms and refuse yo engage with him about it.

He's a twat, isn't he?
CMS for the money, arsehole phone for the stupid messages - and if DS is 9 you only have 3-4 years of dealing with it directly. Csn you keep up grey rock for that time?