Rubbish texting 'banter' with online dating guy - feeling a bit down now

[Greenplums]

I joined Tinder a few weeks ago and swiped right on just one guy, who had also swiped right on me, so it was a match. We agreed to go out but I backed out a few days before the date as I felt I'd dipped my toe into the dating water too soon and didn't feel ready. I explained this to him and he understood.

However, we got back in contact again and have arranged a date for next week. We have just been texting and the banter was absolutely shite and I'm comparing it with how it was with my ex.

I don't think the online dating guy gets my "humour". My ex and I clicked from the get-go humour-wise and our interactions, both via texting and in real life, were just brilliant. (Mmmmm....what a shame that he actually treated me terribly and was an utter cock in the end).

I'm feeling a bit down and teary now.

Should I knock the date with this guy on the head? (for the second time!) or meet him?

Meet him but lower your expectations. It’s highly unlikely he’ll be the live if your life but he sounds decent. Just go grab a coffe/drink and see how you interact face to face. Keep it casual

Some people have awful online chops. He might be right up your street in person. Ask yourself... what do you have to lose? I've gone on a few dates where the person is fairly certain to be unsuitable for me (and me for them) but meeting people is fun, it gets you out and it gets your eye in.

You don't sound as if you are ready to start dating again tbh.

But if you do really want to I would go on the date. Nothing to lose. You can't tell anything from a text particularly if you've not met before.

I do think you can tell a lot from messaging style but this this the first guy you’ve matched with and the first one you’ve chatted with so he’s very unlikely to be the one! There’s lots more guys out there but until you’ve got to know a few you can’t really know what works/doesn’t work for you. So go on the date - it’s just one date, don’t think of it as the start of a relationship, just one night out. And if he’s boring in real life you never have to see him again.

My DH is terrible at texting. It nearly turned me off him at first as all I got back was “yes” or short answers. In person thought he’s very funny, and everyone loves him and his sense of humour.
I’d give it a go if I were you.

Just take the leap and go for it! What have you got to loose? If you don't like him.... move on!

If I had first met my DP online then I wouldn't be with him now! Fortunately I met him in real life, so got to know his personality. But even know he is still SO crap on texts, just minimal word answers, never sends any funny gifs or anything like I have done with other BF's in the past, and it did bother me at first. But he is so great in person, that I can let that go Please go on this date and give him a chance.

I’m afraid I don’t give good’text’ either,

Meet up with him, just take it as dating practice. Prepare a friendly "sorry no second date" type line for the end so that you don't accidentally get sucked into another out of politeness. ("It's been a great afternoon and it was lovely to meet you but I don't think we're really well suited. Good luck with your next date!")

I think instincts can usually be trusted tbh, but it is very hard to tell what people are like from texting - you can't really expect him to know you just from that. That's why it's a good idea not to text for too long - if they seem to be interesting enough, meet up soon, and always see the first meeting as the "zero date" on which you decide whether you'd like a first date with him. Keep your expectations as low as you can.

There's no need even to prepare a "no second date" speech. At the end, ask him if he'd like to see your Boris Johnson impersonation, then get a thimble out on the table, stand on the table and pee into it while singing "Hey Big Spender". Then while he's confused, delete your number from his phone and make good your escape.

So your ex was great on text but a dick in real life?

This guy could be shit on text but fantastic in real life. You won't know until you meet him, and I know which I prefer.

@showmeshoyu I'll admit that I've sometimes considered avoiding another date by doing something to put the other person off, but that particular option has never come to mind.

but that particular option has never come to mind.

I'm an ideas person!

I definitely wouldn't let him down a second time, as that's a bit shit (although I do understand how you're feeling).

I don't think you're over your ex though, hence the constant comparisons.

Thanks for your responses everyone. I'm still umming and arring. I should really go, if only to get that first date under my belt. And I do feel uncomfortable at the thought of messing him around for the second time.

@showmeshoyu - if it gets desperate I'll consider your suggestion!!

@gloomymonday - you are SO right. I also know which one I'd prefer.

I'm going to sleep on it and make my mind up over the weekend. I don't want to mess this guy around (any further).

UPDATE: I went on the date! Nice guy but there won't be a second date. His chat was much better than his texts but we didn't really click.

I am grateful for all your encouragement to go though, as I have now got that first date under my belt and feel good about that.

Thanks everyone!

Brilliant, that will take the pressure off if you do spot someone you like the look of .