What is going on now?

[Acerbics]

Here's the situation:

Had (have) a silly crush on a work colleague who is also a friend. No romantic interest from his part at all and nor did he ever seem particularly bothered about me; the friendship was casual more than anything.
I was firmly in the friend zone and knew that, but things came to a head for me at one point, I realised in late December it was all wrong and I told him we couldn't be friends at the moment and why. He didn't respond directly to me telling him about my feelings, just acknowledged he had known for a long time. He agreed we needed some distance.

Since then I have caught him looking at me ALL THE TIME. He will look at my legs when they're on show, will look at my face for long periods of time until I look at him directly (I have excellent peripheral vision - years of being surrounded by kids all the bloody time), will constantly look over when I am talking to other colleagues.

He has never done anything like that before. So my question is, now that I have withdrawn all contact outside of work and keep conversations at work strictly about what we need to communicate about professionally, is he suddenly interested? Is he one of those who only want what they can't have?

Either way, I wouldn't start anything with him for many reasons, but I am intrigued to know what is going on. Ideas?

Sorry I think he probably just likes looking at a woman's legs etc, he knew how you felt about him for ages and he even now he still is not interested; I think you are focusing your mind far too much on this and really need to move on.

Are you the same poster who changes name waits a few days and then posts the same thing about a colleague you fancy, who turned you down who is now obsessed with you?

Just sounds like he likes women’s legs.

No sign of any other interest

Since you told him your feelings he's decided you're acceptable wank material.

NameChangeNugget I would have thought that to be the case, but it has only started since a few days after I told him I couldn't be friends with him anymore and we both decided distance is best. He had never looked at my legs or stared at me before!

@Boysandbuses What? No.

Adora10 The thing is , I am the one who wants to move on and keep it all professional. I don't want him.

I reckon now that you’ve backed off you’re more interesting to him, and he’s getting off on it and fantasising.

But this is creepy twattish behaviour, so hopefully will help the scales will fall from your eyes.

So yay!

I've never really had rose-tinted glasses on.

I know he lies about what is going on in his head (he has professional issues, but denies that he is in actual trouble and officially I don't know this, so I know when to call bullshit on what he tells me).

He has too many health and mental health issues.

I have kids and he doesn't want any.

He didn't fancy you, but now you've put the idea in his head he's trying to decide if he'd shag you or not.

Interesting, thank you.

Anyone else? He was doing it again today and constantly seeking conversation with me. Then started talking about tight jeans and how his seem to be getting tighter with every wash

I'm actually a little annoyed, because I wanted space and now it's like I'm suddenly interesting.

Same thing happened to me. Interesting replies so far :)

So how did it pan out for you? The thing is, making myself really think about all the reasons why this crush is stupid has made it clear to me we would never work long-term, so he's not worth the effort, despite what I am feeling right now. Logically, there is no reason to like him the way I do.

But he is doing his best to keep himself in my head. As if slowly falling from the pedestal is something he doesn't like.

Then started talking about tight jeans and how his seem to be getting tighter with every wash

He thinks your clothes are too tight.

It's not a compliment.

Honestly I could have written that post. I’m at the same stage as you so not sure what will happen though

He thinks your clothes are too tight. It's not a compliment.

Huh?

1. I'm between a size 6 and 8 (and currently in the middle of an eating disorder - thanks for that).
2. I was wearing a loose-ish dress.
3. He was talking about his own jeans. He asked me what I thought of another (rather fit) colleague's tight jeans before mentioning how his own are getting tighter.

Just ignore. A lot of seemingly jealous people on the relationship board ;)

Google/Youtube/read, 'Men Chase, Women Choose'. Men are basically built to chase.

He thinks he can shag you. He thinks/knows if he flirts with you he'll keep you on the hook. It's an ego boost to him.

So much open derision for men on here. Wow.

Wait till you post about your mother. You'll get full on naked hate.

MN can be great but oh my it can be crap too sometimes.

Re this bloke. He is openly disregarding your clearly defined boundary. Yet another reason to not go there. Tell him you mean it and that he is not to approach you about anything other than work. Have a word with HR about the constant ogling.

The next time
He speaks to you could you pretend you're busy or have somewhere else to be? Might be worth your while avoiding him
If you don't want it to go anywhere.

You don't sound clear about what you want from him.

You are right, there is the logical side of me that sees him for what he is and knows we would never work out in a positive way in the long-term. And then there is the part of me that has clearly not quite got over the crush - hence why I want the distance to sort myself out, but that is a matter of time more than anything.

We see each other daily and need to work quite closely together a few times a week to fulfil our management duties, so are often in 1:1 meetings etc. where full avoidance is difficult. I am quite good at putting him in the "colleague-only box" during work times and can keep things very professional.

I think he misses the fact that I used to take quite an interest in his life and am now not asking any personal questions anymore. Suddlenly he appears to have quite an interest in my life, perhaps because I am not forthcoming with him about it anymore. I was showing some pictures to a woman I also work with at lunch about a significant event I have recently attended and I could see that he was itching to look at my phone as well.

I suppose what I am finding difficult is the realisation that he could have quite easily had me a few weeks ago and now that I've decided that it just isn't going to work out our roles are staring to reverse.

I will definitely have to look into that men chase, women choose thing.

He knew for some time that you fancied him and wants that to continue, as it feeds his ego - but for nothing else to happen. He gets off on feeling wanted but doesn’t want any other commitment. And I say all this from a male perspective so I’m not hating on him because he’s a man. That’s really the end of the story. You can either ignore his behaviour and let it wash over you - knowing his motivation behind it - or try and put some professional distance between yourselves.

DoctorManhattan, you're probably right.