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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure what to make of this

9 replies

user000000231 · 10/01/2019 16:18

I don’t know what to make of this.

Mum organised my Dad’s birthday in London. I couldn’t afford it. Everyone says it’s fine etc, see you when you get back.

A few days before they leave my mum says she will pay in some money (from Christmas) as they’d made the cheque out to my old name! We were quite hard up after Christmas and they knew we needed this money. The day before they were due to go to London I called and asked if it would be paid in before they went (having previously been told it would be paid in the 3 days before). Mum hugely stressed out with the trip to London, she needs to sort stuff out and won’t have time to make the payment and doesn’t feel comfortable paying it over the phone to the bank. At this point I am panicking a bit as we had expected the money 3 days before and she knew we needed it towards the credit card bill. In the end the call finishes with her saying she will do it on the return from London and that she had to go but would call me later. We say goodbye.

I hear nothing all week from them. Text dad on his birthday, he replies. Nothing from my mum. It is the longest she has ever not spoken to me.

I have asked my dad what he thinks and he simply said she was busy with work, not acknowledging they have been away all week on holiday.

She’s not known for silent treatment and I haven’t spoken to her as she knew how bad things were for us before she left for holiday and said she’d call and she didn’t. So I just left it as I felt hurt. Maybe that’s me being childish?

I don’t know what to make of it but by the sounds of it she will just make light of it. Usually she’d message at least every couple of days, a text here and there. Incidentally the money was paid in today.

Just feeling confused by this and not sure why she’d be cruel (is she being?) by not having spoken?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 10/01/2019 16:28

She is being a bit cruel.
But you have the money now so that's the perfect excuse to break the dead-lock and send her a text thanking her!?

user000000231 · 10/01/2019 16:29

Yeah. I’ve text and said thanks and said I was surprised she hadn’t called.

She just said she was busy. Busy with the rest of the family, celebrating a birthday I couldn’t afford to go to...

Deep breath and be an adult here?

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 10/01/2019 16:37

Do you think she maybe didn't have the money to send you (perhaps because of paying for your dad's birthday trip) but was too embarassed to say?

If your relationship is normally healthy and good then I would try to shrug it off as "just one of those things".

user000000231 · 10/01/2019 16:40

No they definitely have the money. It stressed us out because they said it would be in the account by x date then kept pushing it back. They don’t really have financial problems so prob don’t appreciate the stress it can bring!

I’m slightly more surprised now she’s just said she was busy.

There’s a lot of history which would take forever to go in to. But silent treatment has never be one of the issues and so I genuinely think she just couldn’t be arsed to contact me.

OP posts:
LadyB49 · 10/01/2019 16:41

Of give a call and ask how their birthday trip went. Not worth having a coolness about it now.

LadyB49 · 10/01/2019 16:42

** I'd give a call

user000000231 · 10/01/2019 16:47

Agree it’s not worth it.

Just feel really hurt. She knew I was sad I couldn’t go with them and also stressed about money. Not even a text.

It’s like whenever she has something more interesting to do, I don’t exist. This happens so much though, I do almost expect it.

Maybe I’m being unfair. I just feel hurt by it. I don’t want to cause an issue though, not worth it.

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 10/01/2019 16:51

Of course be an adult about it. She sent you the money, you're out of financial bother, so there's no need to keep on feeling low about it.

It's possible that your mum felt under pressure to solve your problem at a time when she had a lot on herself.

user000000231 · 10/01/2019 16:55

Yeah I get that. And get why it wasn’t paid in before the trip, though it would have been best had they said that originally so we could have made other arrangements.

What I’m sad about is not the money but the silence, out celebrating knowing what me and DP we’re dealing with and not even a text.

It is not unusual though and I do only hear from her when she’s bored, rather than her wanting to spend time with me.

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