Abusive ex training to become a counsellor

[Whoneedsausername]

Found out from DS (12) that exH is training to become a counsellor.
He was physically and emotionally abusive to me for 6 years, so this news makes me uncomfortable, considering the vulnerable people he’ll be working with- his biggest thing was control and crushing any self esteem I had.

I know it’s nothing to do with me, but something doesn’t sit right about someone like that being in such a position.

Do you know which body will be awarding the training qualification? You could always contact them with your concerns. I don't know if you have police reports etc - if not, they might not pay any attention, but then again, they might watch him a bit more carefully and he might give himself away.

God that is awful. And not a lot you can do about it, I suppose.

My school friend grew up to be a nasty, vindictive, racist nutter (she dumped a friend of hers for getting pregnant with a non-white person, because it meant she "wasn't keeping the race pure" ) She was openly horrible about non-white people- obviously I told her to piss off and we're no longer friends. She is now a child psychologist who I sometimes see on telly talking about her work...

There was a boy at our secondary school bullied most of us. Several have told me that their self-esteem was irreparably damaged by his behaviour. Others of us had him add an extra layer of abuse to our already difficult lives.

After working the stock exchange he retrained as a counsellor.

He told an old friend he "deeply regrets" his behaviour.

We don't buy it. Once an abusive cunt, always an abusive cunt.

One way of looking at it is that it might help him which can only be a good thing. In counselling there is a lot of self-reflection.

Also ‘training to be a counsellor’ takes years. He might be doing a ten week course like I did or something.

Did you ever pursue a conviction OP? If so, when he gets a job and has a DBS done it’ll come up and his employer will be aware.

I know in some cases, with a lot of self reflection and work, people can change and acknowledge their behaviour and where it comes from and seek to change and become a better person. That’s cold comfort to the people they already hurt, I know. I’m thinking of people who attend therapy for abusers and those perpetrating DV, who might eventually train to work with people whe are currently abusive, and have a unique perspective.

But I can completely see why this wouldn’t sit right with you!

Some horrid woman I used to work with is currently training to be a social worker. She’s horrible, vindictive and judgemental so god help the people who’ll encounter her 😔

TheShiteRunner, Jesus, that's horrible! I feel sorry for the children of colour that she will be "counseling". What a piece of shit is! That makes me so angry!

I did a counselling course once and used to joke that most of the people on it needed help themselves!!! One woman had slept with a pupil when she was a teacher. One guy was in the papers for holding his girlfriend hostage in the bathroom and another guy got done for child porn. Another woman started crying about her abusive mother whenever she spoke. It can attract people for the wrong reasons

Yes but most people who do a counselling course don’t qualify as a counsellor. It is a long process. I have done a few basic courses over the years and they do attract a variety of people. Most people on the last course I attended had experienced some trauma or tragedy in their lives.

Bloody hell! My EA and sexually demanding/controlling/misogynistic ExP did three years counselling training. This also involved him undergoing therapy and supervision himself. He used this training to diagnose myself and family with all sorts of mental health issues (particularly narcissism, which I am quite sure he has). We recently attended couples counselling and he used his training to manipulate the counsellor - so I refused to go any longer and finally got the balls to end it. I feel for you OP. I could never dream of having the audacity to think I could counsel other people - although I work closely with young people. I have made too many mistakes in my life and still behave ridiculously!

Wow, OP, that sounds a real blow! What others have said about the length of training and the demands of it is true: any decent course has tutors who should be alert to people doing it for the wrong reasons. It is also fairly difficult (but, agreed, not impossible) to totally hide who you are - the nature of the training is emotionally exposing. Yes, you normally have to have your own therapy as well. Also worth saying that your ex will have to have supervision from an experienced therapist for any work he undertakes with clients. Both an astute therapist and an astute supervisor should both spot and challenge signs of superficiality or lack of sincerity. People unsuited to the work do get through unfortunately, but your ex will have to be extremely determined and focused to get through the training alone. It is not a glamorous job. The opportunity to abuse trust is always there but most counselling agencies are on the ball as to their trainees - after all, their reputation rides on the therapy provided.