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Original poster

Am I too old?? 12 years age gap

11 replies

MrsMiracle · 09/01/2019 22:40

I'm in my 30s divorces have a 3 year old, wasn't determined to stay single forever after my husband left only 6 weeks after our wedding and baby was just 3 months. Then few months ago I met a man at a friends celebration, swapped numbers, met up a few times, he's in the military but travels home most weekends and for the last 2 months he has spent every home visit at my house, my son adores him he is absolutely amazing with him, I can open up to him like I never have before, he makes me laugh he's gorgeous sex is fantastic.. so what's the issue ?? He's 18... can this be more than just a 'thing' ..

OP posts:
Dirtybadger · 09/01/2019 22:51

You met him a few months ago and for the last 2 month's you've been letting him spend time with your son to the extent your son adores him? Ahhh, slow down! You've only just met the bloke.

I'm younger than you but wouldn't touch an 18 year old with a barge pole. I'm sure he's lovely, and he might look and seem older than he is. But he's 18. Remember when you were 18? How much you have changed. Most people's personalities become more fixed between 25-30. He may be a very very different person in 10 years time. You, not so likely.

It could worse but I'm risk averse. Way too big a risk IMO and the power dynamic can be all too wrong with one person so much more mature and worldly than the other.

Veterinari · 09/01/2019 23:00

I know a single mum that dated a guy in the army, 12 years younger than her. They were together for 3 years, her kids doted on him, their families got on well, they were going to be together forever.

He decided at the age of 25 that ge’d had enough of playing happy families and wanted to ‘sow his oats’ a bit then find a girlfriend his own age and have his own kids and so ditched her. She was devastated.

There's Almost no chance that an 18 year old will want to settle down right now.

MMmomDD · 09/01/2019 23:09

You didn’t meet a man. You met a teenager.

If a 30yo man posted that about an 18yo female - I’d also question what is it that makes them go go someone vulnerable. Someone in a very different phase of life.
It’s not an equal relationship. He hasn’t finished growing up.

MMmomDD · 09/01/2019 23:12

Forgot to add - it’s of course not illegal and you both are consenting and all that.
Just - don’t let your imagination run too far.

He has a life ahead of him. Lots of dating, and one day settling down and having children. But not any time soon.

If both of you were 10years older - it’d been a whole other story.

EleanorDashwood · 09/01/2019 23:27

I came on to say that I'm married to someone 12 years younger. We've been together for 16 years, married for nearly 12, and have a pre teen dd.

BUT when we met he was 24, and I didn't have any children. An 18 year old is a whole different situation - however much you love each other now, he will need to move on as he grows up. I would say just enjoy it while it lasts, and have lots of fun and sex, but by involving him in your son's life, things are already a lot more complicated... So enjoy it and have fun - it's just a thing - but do prepare for how you will explain it to your son when it is over, and be ready to deal with his broken heart as well as your own feelings.

Villagelifer · 09/01/2019 23:30

As PP have said before the issue is not the age gap but how young he is. It doesn't matter how lovely he is, he's barely an adult. I have a DC about that age and I would be worried if my DC was to have this sort of relationship at 18 as they still have a lot of discovering, experiencing and growing up to do.

StarUtopia · 09/01/2019 23:31

My now Dh is 14 years younger but he was 22 when we met, so a little older and ready to settle down (old head)(he's now in his 30's)

I'm not sure any 18yr old is old enough to want anything more than some fun. Enjoy it! I would say though that an 18yr old in the army is undoubtedly far more of a man than the average 18yr old college 'lad' so it's not as ew as some people will probably make out.

Littlelambpeep · 09/01/2019 23:32

I wouldn't have introduced him to your son and 18 is really really young sorry. Don't want to preach but you surely know that.

BlokeHereInPeace · 09/01/2019 23:36

Have fun with him but don't let your child get too close.

Lozzerbmc · 09/01/2019 23:41

Agree its less about the age gap as it matters less when older as you can be in same phase at 34 and 46 say, its him being 18 - too young and in a different phase of his life to you

Orange6904 · 09/01/2019 23:43

I agree with @DirtyBadger.

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