I do not want to go into too deep specifics but a question has been raised in my family for a long time about some odd behaviour around children. This has come to a point where there is a difference of option in my family
My father grew up in an abusive household, very physical to him and sexual/emotional to his siblings. Over time the abuser went on to abuse others (is now dead). Part of the dynamic was that abuser was very playfully aggressive with DC. He would trap you and not let you go, tickle you to the point of painful and scary and try to force you to sit on his lap. This was in full view of whole family and no one ever really intervened. DC would find this in some ways fun, because it was attention but usually end up with the child crying. There was a much darker sadistic side to all of this that was swept under the carpet by many, and culminated in sexual abuse. The DC who were impacted are now all adults.
My DF has displayed many of these aggressive play behaviours with his own grandchildren but none of the sexual abusive aspects (Never either to his own children). He is not allowed to be alone with grandchildren because the elements of ‘playing’ are too aggressive, too inappropriate and too coercive. If a DC doesn’t want to sit on his lap, he will cajole and coerce them to. He will follow them to get a hug, beggging and pleading. He tickles them and it hurts. Which is horrible. They don’t really know him which doesn’t help. So it is like a strange man is asking for rough affection and then he gets so frustrated when the child will not give it. We have told him over and over not to do this but he doesn’t seem to understand why he needs to keep his distance and personal space. This has made all relationships almost impossible because the DC now don’t like him and we end up having to police him and don’t trust him.
There is a difference of opinion in my family as to whether he is actually predatory/dangerous and whether this is learned really dreadful social behaviour, with no malice.
How do you determine the difference?
He keeps trying to visit us 