Well and truly screwed it up

[Sammiejo12]

Been casually dating this guy for a few months, speak most days.

Went for a drink with a couple of the girls last night and went back to his after. All fine.

I few weeks ago I saw a tinder notification come up, asked him if he was still dating other women. He said he wasn't... but still kept the app.

It was playing on my mind as we were spending more and more time together. He also made a comment that his mates think he's a "free spirit".

After my evening drinks last night I brought it up..... and it didn't go too well. I asked him where he sees "this" going, he replied let's just see what happens... I asked if he still had tinder and he said he does but doesn't use it....

We've been seeing where this is going for 3 months and I'm becoming increasingly anxious that he's going to say that he doesn't see it going any further. And I'll be quite upset to be honest.

Anyway I handled the whole this appallingly and got so panicky that I left his and came home.

Needless to say he wants to cool things, I get it I wouldn't want to be with me either, but am I so in the wrong to ask what's going on after this length of time?

You didn't screw up. You wanted, rightly, clarification but it wasn't the answer you were hoping for I'm afraid. Let him go.

You didn’t screw up, you dodged a bullet.

Nah.
You are right to ask. Why should you be strung along beyond 3 months with groovy free spirit talk.
Cool him off. Make him put some effort in.
Otherwise bye boy 👋

Oh really do you think?

I just wish I was able to have a normal conversation with someone and not get so panicky about it all.

He pursued me for a good few months before I even agreed a date and it's ended up like this?!

Men are not keen to commit.... Why should they?

Actually stand tall.

Less of the ‘I wouldn’t want to be with me either’ talk!

X

Have to agree. If after three months of seeing someone you can't say where it is going, I'm not sure its going anywhere. You deserve someone who will be straight with you

Got to have an awkward "i need to come get my stuff" meeting now.

Just don't understand why he put so much effort in and then was quite happy to bumble along. I can't live in limbo. As much as I tried to stay cool and collected it got the better of me and wine made me do it. And now I'm single again. Ffs.

After three months most people know what they want. You probably felt panicky because of how he made you feel, that’s your gut. Trust it.
As hard as it is, I think it’s good you asked. You deserve to be with someone who really wants to be with you

With the right person there are no games x

I'm sick of being single and dating, I've been single for 3 years now.

My confidence is on the floor my anxiety about dating is through the roof.

I try and do "me" things but it still doesn't take away the fact I wake up alone every morning and spend most weekends on my own.

When am I going to meet someone who just is who they say they are and says they want to be with me and sticks to it?

Think of it like this - how dare he make you do the 'please pick me' dance for 3 months whilst he basically ponders and deliberates about whether you are 'good enough' for more than a drink and a bang. Who does he think he is? Make his decision easy and block him. Forget your stuff at his, if possible.

You’ll get there, but have you thought that you did actually spend three months with someone who wasn’t really prepared to give you what you want, and you pushed it to the back of your mind until you had enough wine courage to say something.

It might be worth thinking about, because there is plain bad luck and then a lot is what type of person we attract.
Not saying it in a negative way, but it’s good to really think about what you want and your boundaries and what your willing to accept as ok.

You were right to speak up because now you have saved yourself more wasted time and even deeper heartache later on.

Collect your stuff, stay classy and go no contact with him.

Say “thanks for some good times but I know what I want and that’s a long term relationship with commitment so good luck with everything.”

Oh and to top it off I've just re-installed bumble and found said guy who has updated his profile with pics he had taken on his holiday over xmas.... wow. So much for not using it.

You need to give yourself credit for weeding him out.

You could have been seeing him for 6 months more whilst he free spirited himself round bumble.

Well Done!

The Bumble activity is just proof that he wasn't the right guy for you, and you were right to call him on it.

You've ditched a bad boyfriend candidate. That's not screwing things up, that's good weeding out. Makes room for a decent one to show up.

Thank you, I need to grow a thicker skin and Think more of myself.

But honestly I'm so lonely but terrified of just "dating" but I need to do something.

Sorry OP walk away. If for some reason he realises his mistake he will come after you. The fact he's still dating is a big red flag.

Yeah not cool in my book and when I asked him out right because I felt something wasn't right he lied. Even if he had updated it this morning he must have been thinking about it.

Free spirit =player imo.
His loss op.

Try and focus on what you learned rather than it being a loss. Dont take it personally. How people choose to behave is never about you and always about them and their issues.

Ask the twat to drop your stuff to a mutual friend.