Serious dating when divorcing

[MelancholyCat]

I'm going through divorce proceedings with H at the moment, we're both in our 20s (ugh, I know...) and it's sad and pretty horrible as expected. I started dating another guy back at the start of November, when H and I had not long separated, and I have realised that I really, really like him. We get on so well, laugh at the same things, can also just be quiet together etc. But the couple of friends I've told about it (not many, I can't seem to speak about it to closest friends) have sort of grimaced, and I realise it seems TOO SOON. Rebound. Unfair to the guy. Stupid. Has anyone been in this situation? Am I being ridiculous to get out of a marriage, and immediately into another relationship? He feels almost perfect, but the timing is so, so bad. Also, my extremely religious family would be even more devastated if they found out :/
Help... I think partly I just needed to write it down.

You're young and can get over relationships quite quickly because you're still growing and learning about things. If you don't feel it's too soon and you are happy then don't worry.

Hmm. I just feel unable to introduce him to any of the important people in my life, and that's pretty rubbish for him. I think he deserves better. I also think things have maybe got too serious too fast and I'm freaking out a bit, probably at thought of others opinions - we've already been away together twice

Also in late 20’s and getting divorced .. not my choice, my husband just got in to bed with me one night in July and told me he didn’t love me anymore .. it was such a shock, I always thought we had a good and happy marriage and he was dating someone else 8 weeks after and she’s now officially his girlfriend. It’s shit, I guess a factor is the reasons behind your divorce and if you feel ready to move on, nobody can tell you if it’s right or wrong. I’ve been casually seeing and speaking to someone recently but also freaked out because felt too serious too soon and I’m not ready for that at all, he might be but I couldn’t have a boyfriend whilst having a husband.. I think I need to wait for my divorce to be finalised before I allow myself to be serious.
I tell myself if he’s right then he will be there when I’m ready. X

Sorry you're in the same divorce boat miss - although in my case, I instigated the divorce because I couldn't take being so miserable in a marriage anymore. It is horrible though.

I think I know what you mean about the divorce being finalised before getting serious, but I have completely fallen for this new man :/ I just feel happy when I'm with him. But I think the judgement will be massive

Your life! I met my current DH in September, got together end of October and he inspired me to go for a divorce which I got the following november and we got engaged the january after. We had broken up 18 months before i met DH. I was also just 30 so i totally get how you feel. Feck the judgers don't waste your life pandering to them. Also the divorce wasn't my choice but i'm so relieved now i have an amazing relationship with DH.

Well I met DP 10 days after I told exh it was over. We didn't get together straight away.

Then we had a brief fling. Then stopped, then kind of FWB. We were shit as FWB. We spent all our free time together and were like a couple. Then we became an official couple.

None of the people who are important to me have batted an eyelid. My best friend has only ever asked if I am happy. I said yes. She is happy with that.

Me and exh are divorcing now. I wouldn't give Dp up for people who felt it was ok to judge me.

It can be too soon for some. Not for others.

Ultimately the people who love you will just want you to be happy and if this man makes you happy then go for it, life is too short to spend our lives worrying what other people say.. it would soon become old news!.,

If the only thing stopping you is worrying what others will say then absolutely don’t stress about that, people only talk about others because their lifes are so boring... not that I can talk people the person I was seeing I stopped seeing because of that too .. so maybe I need to take the advice you’d give me and you need to take the advice I’m given you

Can I ask, OP? Did this relationship start before you and your H decided to separate? Was it the reason you decided to end things with your H, albeit you was unhappy anyway? Did it start as an emotional affair, perhaps?

Seems a little quick, quite intense and advanced to say it's only been two months.
I ask because I also got involved in an EA in 2017 when my DH and I were unhappy. This all sounds familiar.

Well, do you think it is a rebound? When I got together with DP he had not long been separated from his exw but we did wait probably 6 monthsish before going public (I don't mean sneaking about, just not introducing each other to family). Worked well for us.

The relationship started v soon after I'd told my husband I definitely wanted to divorce - close, but no crossover. He'd be gutted, and see it as adultery, as we're still married, though.

I think being sensible about 'going public' like Willow says is the best plan. Part of me just wants to tell people because I like him so much though, but I'll stamp that down [santa]

meloncholycat when did you split with your husband and when did you meet your bf?

Do you think it’s a rebound? What’s more important to you, this relationship or the views of your family?

Have you and your husband separated?

If it feels right, enjoy it. People may talk ( then again, don't they always?). Don't miss your chance of true romance. Some people are married but not happy in their marriages. See how you feel!

There’s no need to show it off to the world but also no need to hide it, enjoy yourself and if he makes you happy then keep smiling. If he is the right guy he will understand and everything will fall in to place xx

I am in your position too OP. Separated from exH nearly 2 years, met current DP a month after split from exH. Tried not to be official for ages and kept it very low key and away from friends and family for a few months. The guilt was enormous.

In March I will be going through divorce proceedings. This is life; it happens. Like you I spent a long time feeling guilty about how it looked but then a very close friend reminded me that I had spent virtually all of my marriage trying to make it work and nobody knew what went on behind closed doors: I was allowed to move on because for ages I hadn't been.

And if they are judging you, then let's hope they're never in a position where one day they need your support and non-judgemental advice.

Well, you are young and no kids which makes things much different. If the marriage has definitely broken down and you are separated and have started the divorce proceedings then the divorce is just a formality. You don't have to advertise your new relationship and you don't owe your ex any explanation if you started dating after the marriage broke down.
I'm also getting divorced, but longer down the line with 2 kids in tow. We still live together as financial settlement is yet to come and it's bloody awful. I miss sex, but I do not want a relationship any time soon. So, enjoy yourself, not much reasons to worry.

I met my now-DH a few days after splitting from my ex-fiancé - all anyone cared about was my happiness.