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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Breaking up with 30 month old's Step-Father HELP

3 replies

Lbandoo30 · 09/01/2019 10:51

Ok so here goes, My daughter's biological father has never been a part of her life, due to a number of reasons and he never will be. I have been with my current partner for nearly 2 years, whom my daughter adores and sees as her father (she does not know any different) as a father he is wonderful no faults at all, just sadly as a couple we cannot continue.

I do not know which way to turn, do I still allow my daughter to see her "Daddy" even-though the relationship they share may eventually fizzle out, at that point she would be much older and much more affected by the split.

Do I allow them to still see each other, and hope that he will always be there for her as a father, and when she is old enough explain that he isn't her biological father (Which would have been the plan even if me and my partner didn't split, was never going to hide the fact she wasn't biologically his.)

Do I simply cut all ties with my soon to be Ex? which seems very unfair but may be the best option in the long run for my Daughter's sake? although she would obviously be affected by the split at this age wouldn't it be easier than when she gets older, at an age where she can fully understand that Daddy has gone? I just feel really guilty having to explain at some-point that her biological father isn't around, the man she sees as her Daddy isn't her Biological father, and at some point If i was to ever find a new partner explain that this man is neither your biological father, or your Daddy. Very Messy indeed.

All I want is for my Daughters needs to come first.

I would greatly appreciate any feedback and advice anyone has out there please.

OP posts:
Santaisfastasleepatlast · 09/01/2019 10:55

When I split up with my dc's step df he went cold turkey..
As in didn't even say goodbye. Was bloody awful for the dc.
My dc were very close to older dd's bf and when they split up we still saw him every fortnight, going to once a month, then just occasionally and now not at all. Dc handled that much better.
Ime keeping in touch wouldn't have worked, but harsh how he did it, better to phase out imo /e.

MrsPinkCock · 09/01/2019 14:07

Your child is only 2. She probably won’t even notice he’s gone and if she does, she’ll be over it very quickly. My friends husband died and left behind a 2 year old daughter - his death didn’t affect her at all.

It’ll be far more confusing to have someone who isn’t her dad and isn’t in a relationship with her mum to continue visiting and playing daddy when he isn’t.

What if he decides later on when he meets someone else he doesn’t want contact with her anymore? And when is the right time to tell her that he isn’t really daddy?

Why complicate things when you don’t have to?

safetyfreak · 09/01/2019 14:46

Very difficult situation for you but you are right, at 2 she may be hurt for a while but in time she will not remember her step father at all.

The problem is, if you keep the door open then there is a chance the step dad could at anytime turn around and cut contact. What if he gets a new girlfriend who doesn't like the relationship he has with his ex child? Etc etc...

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