My boyfriend lives with his ex wife

[Hank2505]

My boyfriend lives with his ex wife and kids as he couldn’t afford to move. She has now moved her new boyfriend in. So 3 adults don’t 2 young children in the house. She won’t work and kids at school. My boyfriend pays for everything. He lives with me on a weekend but won’t leave his home and children.

I'd dump him
How much of this do you know to be true?

It doesn’t like a believable situation to me.

I think you should give more details here. How long have you been seeing him? How long has he been divorced? Does he work?

I do know someone who had a situation like this so it can be real.

Her now Ex decided to leave and moved out. He immediately moved in OW. My friend found out he hadn't paid anything for months and she and the 3 DC were evicted. She and the kids moved in with her ex OW and her 2 kids. She was the only one actually working! Now she's long moved out away from that mess and has a decent career etc. So yes, it does happen.

Why wont your bf leave his home?

More detail .... we have been together 3 years. He has been divorced 4 years. He works. She stopped work to have kids. Both now at school. She doesn’t work. She was supposed to move out last year with kids to live with her boyfriend but decided to move him in with her instead. My boyfriend won’t move out as it’s a council house and he’s lived there 30 years and he doesn’t want to leave kids

This post was edited by MNHQ

DUMP

I'd get rid. That is no way for your to live. He is never going to leave that place and he seems to be still responsible for his ex since she refuses to work. You're not getting much out of a relationship wit him.

I'd find someone who was single and not living with an ex.

Well I think it’s commendable that he won’t just leave his children because his marriage failed. But of course if you are looking for more out of the relationship it isn’t going to work out.

My MIL met her boyfriend when he was in a similiar circumstances. She invested so much time, money and energy on him and his ensuing divorce that she has effectively lost her own family and any chance to foster relationships with her own grandchildren. Unless you are willing to accept that as your life now, BAIL. Also, 3 years of that???? How is that not a red flag to you for the future you may have with this man!!!!!????

You don't have to keep mentioning that her kids are at school and she doesn't work. That really is none of your business.

I'd end it, tbh. It doesn't sound workable to me.

He has been divorced 4 years.

Pretty piss poor divorce if they didn't sort out who was living where. Didn't they discuss it?

Can he buy the council house and evict her?

Are they legally and fully divorced? I wouldn’t take his word for it

A serious mess! You've been together for 3years and he wouldn't move? Now that would be needing some serious conversation as well as rigid ultimatum.

So what do you plan for your relationship going forward, you move in there with them as well?

You're very focused on what his ex is doing when you should be focused on what he's doing. She doesn't work but he's enabling that by living there and paying for everything. Does her boyf work and contribute to the household? Your bf is either being untruthful about his situation or is a mug. He doesn't want to move because it's his council house? So what's his long term plan for your relationship then as you've already been together 3 years. Is he expecting to move you in to?

So he doesn't want to leave his dc, but does every weekend to stay with you? So I presume he doesn't see them for 3 nights every week?

Is he also supporting her boyfriend?

IF they are divorced she will be claiming full benefits. Yet he's paying for everything? Have you seen the divorce papers?

If you're not happy, you need to leave as this will NEVER change. He's got his bizarre happy families relationship and happy weekends with you. If you want a family and conventional relationship this is not the man for you!!

He’s been living with her for the three years you have been together? Do you visit the house?

Bollocks to this.

Well he seems to like the arrangement so it looks like he's not going anywhere.
You are on a hiding to nothing with this guy and wasting valuable energy on a no win situation.

Ah he knows if he leaves it will be very difficult to get a council house again and so does she. The set up just seems crazy. One of them will have to back down. Seems ridiculous the situation.

Sorry but this would be a dealbreaker for me.

Why is he paying for everything when she won't work?

Sounds like he's still invested in their relationship. And living with her and her new boyfriend? Beyond weird.

I'd dump and move on.

It's ridiculous. If she was the main carer of very young kids when they divorced 4 years ago he should have done the decent thing and moved out, not expected his kids to be uprooted, and sorted out a new place, contact with his kids etc. He's willing to inflict a messed up living situation on his kids, upset his partner of 3 years by still living with his ex, all to keep hold of a council tenancy. Is he just going to stay there forever? I'd dump personally.