Why do I feel this way?

[5yrsandcounting]

Not sure how to start this post. My exh is getting married again. We've been split for 5 years. I don't know why but I'm sat here crying.
He's had a previous relationship that lasted a couple of years. Me - been on a few dates and had an ill fated fling but apart from that nothing. I don't want him back. I suppose it's just a constant reminder that I'm alone and always will be. I'm jealous that he will always be able to find someone to love and that will love him back. I guess I just feel sad because I've never moved on. I've tried believe me. I meet people all the time. Work. Do volunteering. Tried online dating. Made new friends. I don't know I think all those feelings of inadequacy have just been brought to the surface again when I thought they were buried.
I don't know how to get over myself
God this post makes no sense. Thanks for reading anyway.

You know, it's completely understandable you feel a bit hurt, conflicted, nostalgic, and confused. That makes you human.

You'll find someone or something one day - I had to wait a long time but I did.

Meanwhile ExH has about five failed relationships behind him and has got a weird haircut.

Thanks for replying. Especially the bit about the haircut it made me smile.
I'm glad you met someone. I don't see that happening for me. I couldn't love someone like that again. I'm too scared. And yet its the one thing I want the most. Stupid isn't it?

No it's not stupid, it's very understandable. I'd honestly focus on yourself right now, though. I made a couple of mistakes after my ExH left me; and then had a long period of reflection which was a bit lonely but actually very beneficial in the long run.

The Haircut is a thing of wonder in all the wrong ways.

I just went to the bathroom and I swear I look like James Brown's mugshot
I've been alone for a long time. I've actually been a lot happier in the past 2 years. Things really seemed to settle down and I've been grateful every day for it. I've got my beautiful DCs. I'm just lonely.

You're comparing your inside to his outside. You'll always feel inadequate next to your self destructive perception of an ex's happiness until you can learn to decouple things and enjoy the beauty of the present moment. It's really hard, but you can do it, but you may need to learn some techniques and to love yourself

How do you do that though? Love yourself I mean. I was talking to my good friend about this earlier and she said lots of kind things to me but it's like she was talking about a different person. Surely I'm right because if I was all of those lovely things people would be swarming around me. I need to start believing them. But how?

By recognizing that your perception is biased, that the past is gone and can't be changed, by realizing that your worries about the future are unhelpful. By retraining your brain to enjoy the present moment, to live in that moment and to be able to look at your life through a more neutral filter. I've found mindful meditation excellent for that.

Your time and your man will come. It's ok to feel the way you're feeling, but don't dwell on it. Just when you don't expect that's when it'll happen. Now change that "James Brown mugshot" to the beautiful you. All will be good, you've got your kids to make you feel less lonely .

Oh, 5yrsandcounting I get it. I really do!

To continue your unflattering comparison... in my head, I'm Julianne Moore. But for some reason MIck Hucknall keeps staring back at me from the mirror...

I also struggle with the whole 'love yourself' narrative - what does it mean? It feels like one of those trite things people say but I think I've finally (after 6+ years) got a handle on what it means. And I'm choosing to take the 'love is a verb rather than a feeling' approach.

So I treat myself with respect - how I'd like other people to treat me and how I'd treat others.

I have lost a stone and have another 1 maybe 1 and a half to go; I've joined the gym and I swim/walk a couple of times a week. It's never going to make me super fit/slim/beautiful but it's something and it's making me stronger; I am doing Dry January with a view to drinking occasionally rather than routinely afterwards. I eat reasonably well but don't deny myself either. That's how I'm respecting myself physically.

I had a few people in my life who were emotionally draining or just not good for my soul. So I've removed them and, where I couldn't, I view them differently - I let them bother me less. Their view of me doesn't change who I am.

I make time for hobbies (less of the beer and more of the bass guitar ); I practise more self care more 'mindfully'; I spend more time in, and appreciating, nature.

I suppose I just value myself and who/what I am more rather than berating and being angry with myself for what I'm not. I'm more 'mindful' generally and have started keeping a bullet journal to focus my mind.

My relationship background sounds very similar to yours. I look at my ex and I wonder how he does it and how I can be so unlucky/incapable of similar.

But actually, I do think it's because he loves himself!

Take care of yourself and good luck

Thank you all so much for the kind words. Just got back from the school run and I thought nothing actually changes for me with regards to exh. It's not like we were getting back together or that was even a distant thought. To be fair to him he's almost a completely different person now to who he was when he was with the last GF and me. That's definitely a good thing. I suppose I just want to mean something to somebody other than my children.
Dya know what's really silly? I never worry about making friends because I know I always will. I find it easy. Why can't I have that attitude to relationships?