Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Boyfriend changing time he sees his daughter. Am I being selfish

16 replies

Staceylou112 · 08/01/2019 19:36

We have been together over a year. I have 2 children, one sees her dad every other weekend. My other child, I have full custody of.

My boyfriend was having his daughter 1 day during the week and every Friday night and Saturday until 5. He has now decided to change this to every weekend.

Am I wrong to think it should have been discussed with me. The set up with my children has been in place before we got together. So he knew what he was getting in to.

We live together and both work Monday to Friday. We tend to enjoy time alone on a Saturday evening. AND BEFORE THE parents don't get tine alone PARADE STEPS IN.... like I mentioned everything was the same up until this change.

This is due to his ex being very bitter about our relationship.

OP posts:

SamanthaBrique · 08/01/2019 19:49

You're going to have to try a bit harder than that

Caselgarcia · 08/01/2019 19:53

So you don't like having His daughter. Nice

2019me · 08/01/2019 19:54

I think it reflects well on him that he wants to spend more time with his dd

BruceAndNosh · 08/01/2019 19:58

But you don't have "alone time" on Saturday evening.
You have one of your children there every weekend, and the other every other weekend, even though they might be in bed.
But you don't want HIS daughter there... In case it spoils your "alone time"

Dirtybadger · 08/01/2019 19:59

You have full custody of one your DC anyway so it's not like you're going from just adults to adults and kids. There's already a kid there.

It's very odd he didn't mention it, but good for him for getting the time with his DD

I wouldn't bet on it lasting long. Her mum will soon realise it isn't actually very fair for him to get every weekend and her to do all the donkey work whilst he gets the fun days. But until then enjoy it.

SparklyMagpie · 08/01/2019 20:13

Nice try mate

GhostSauce · 08/01/2019 20:16

Get back under your bridge.

Snappedandfarted2019 · 08/01/2019 20:16

Original poster

Staceylou112 · 08/01/2019 20:32

For those on high horse.... get a life. I treat her like my own. My question was whether is was wrong he didn't speak to me first.

Dirtybadger I do have full custody but every other weekend my youngest stays with her granparents on a Saturday night when my eldest is at her dads. They like to have their grankids including my nephews aswell alternative weekend nights. Just because they love having them

Plus I left a DV marriage. We lived with them for a while and my youngest is very close to my dad.

OP posts:

MrsBrianWarner · 08/01/2019 20:36

Its unfortunate but i do think when you take on someone with kids this is all par for the course and you have to expect it to a degree.

This is why blended family arrangements can be hard.

Even if he had said about it first, would you seriously have said no? Because you wouldn't have really been able to say no, if you think about it.

Onemansoapopera · 08/01/2019 20:51

I don't think he was wrong not to confer with you. You've been together a little over twelve months. That's not a massive commitment as yet, whereas your children are for life and come first as I'm sure yours do too. Would you ask him first if your childcare arrangements changed? I doubt it. You're parents first , lovers next.

brusselsproutfan · 08/01/2019 20:58

I think he could have run it past you yes but not necassarily asked for your approval as you haven't been together very long. Ultimately it has to be the decision of him and the girls mother in the end.

Katgurl · 08/01/2019 20:58

No I think you are right. This happened first when myself and dp moved in together. Himself, ex and DC would make their plans, change their plans all without ever discussing with me. It's your home too.

I stood my ground and explained that all l wanted was to be brought into the conversation. Once that happened I don't think I ever said no.

You could try to tackle it like that.

MrsAJ27 · 08/01/2019 20:59

@Staceylou112 As you live together he absolutely should have discussed it with you first.

NameChangeNugget · 08/01/2019 21:17

You’ll need to take a back seat here. She’s always got to come first. Don’t sweat the small stuff with the bitter ex

Original poster

Staceylou112 · 09/01/2019 07:12

Thanks everyone for your advice. I wouldn't of said no. I wasn't asking him to ask me permission but more that he kept me in the loop.

His ex likes to change things all the time. She refused to let him see his daughter at Christmas because her new partner booked a hotel on a Monday night and my boyfriend could not have her as he was working away. She asked him on the Sunday, well demanded it.

I know I should expect change. It's just difficult as I never know what goes on from one day to the next. I may sound selfish but I don't think I'm wrong in thinking he could have given me the heads up.

OP posts:

Flip