Stay or go?

[Gingerbreadhen]

I'm just going to write down a few things as my head and heart are playing games, so please help me decide.

I'm 24 dp is 39, we've been together 6 years when we met I didn't know he had a gf and was living her, when I did find out we split up for a year.
He has two dc who I've met twice and that was only when their dm was away so dp introduced us behind her back, which caused an absolute shitstorm.

We moved in together last year as the ow left him and he was living with his dm, since moving in with him he has lost his job and I'm left to pay all the bills and rent on a 2 bed house, which we rented so he can have his dcs stay over, that also hasn't happend as their mum has stopped him seeing them because she said she has had enough of his lying and doing things with her dc behind her back.

I rarely spend any time with his family as his ex is always around, I've never been to a family function and as expected wasn't invited round for Xmas, again because of his ex.
I don't trust him as much as I should and there have been so many arguments I don't know what to do.

It sounds grim for someone so young is this really what you want from life?? I think you know the answer or you wouldn’t be asking.

Definitely go! He's a cheat and a liar and has a complicated life and on top if that you're now finding him.

Leave. Go live your life. You're 24, you don't have to try and clean up the messy life of some middle-aged divorcee.

*funding

You definitely know the answer

Can't believe you think so little of yourself to put up with this shit for so long

I know I should leave, i know I need to leave but for some reason I love him.

Oh go, OP! you are young and don't need this drama - and paying for it too.

Not a good enough reason in the long run, I'm afraid. His behaviour suggests he doesn't love you.

There's a mumsnet term for this in fact - cocklodger, is it?

Leave; I don’t even quite understand all that’s happened but go and meet someone else

What's to love about this sleazy cocklodger? He targeted you when you were a teen and he's all you know, that's all. Once you're free of this arse, you'll realise there are decent single men out there.

Do you have two heads, a hump back, noses where your eyes should be? And, you weigh 900 pounds?

If not, then why are you so desperate as to be with such a man?

I do not see in him, any redeeming qualities once or ever.

Get rid.

If you moved in last year because 'ow left him' then, that makes you the ow surely?

If he was willnto cheat on his partner for 5 years and you were willing to hang on for this prince of a man, then crack on.

However, you would be well advised to end it and then look closely at why you ended up loving a man like this.

There are not many of us on here who haven't, at some stage, done the 'but I luuuurrrrrvvve him' justification: I've definitely been there myself.

I don't really know anyone for whom ignoring your better judgement and putting up with crap has worked out well.

It will end, in the end, when you lose your patience or when he lets you down once too many times. I'm sorry - that's an awful and glib thing to say about someone you love and a situation I'm not in. But I do know how hanging on when you have that stark choice to go or to cling on to your love in, frankly, intolerable circumstances feels, and how it goes.

You are better off out of this.

You will recover.

Good luck.

I can't get out of the rental agreement for another two months as we're both on the tenancy.

Obviously things did start off great and being young I haven't had a lot of experience and although he comes across as a wrongun he is very loving and romantic towards me.

Do you have family? Could you live with them in the meantime? Pay your share if you have to, but get yourself some headspace.

Of course he's loving and romantic towards you - it's a small price to pay for room, board and sex on tap!

I could ask my parents if I can stay with them, but we clash so that will be just as bad.

I don't know how i got myself into this situation tbh.

My DSis got out of a relationship a while back where they had to stay for a while due to rental stuff. It took a fair bit of restraint and dignity on her part but she broke up with him, gave notice on the property, she looked for another one and in the meantime they took turns sleeping on the sofa.

Is he looking for another job or expecting you to pay for everything.

You are 24. And you’ve been strung along by some “nice&romantic” words of a man, 15 years older than you. Who has had a gf and kids.

(He was 33 and not single when he decided to have an affair with a teenager. Yes. Clearly a good man there)...

OP - please don’t cling to this man, he is not a prize to anyone.
Just like he strung you along, he did that to his gf, mother of his children. He started sleeping with you, got caught, probably promised her it was a mistake, went back to you, probably told her all kinds of lies about it all while it was unfolding.
Luckily she had sense to leave this loser.

Don’t make him your loser. Especially given that he is still not treating this as a real relationship and more a financial arrangement where he uses you.

You are 24!!!!! Go and date lots of nice men.

Ugh! You are young. You can easily cut your financial ties in this relationship. Please leave. You will end up getting hurt. Follow your head on this one OP, there is a better life round the corner.