Finding it difficult to be civil with brother's partner

[maddy76]

This relates to my brother who is in his early sixties. He's been with his partner for three years and has had a very turbulent relationship throughout, with frequent rows over her not getting what she wants, and have had several occasions where they split up and then later got back together a month or so later.

She is a very toxic abusive person that none of the wider family can stand. Would you force yourself to be civil to her at family events for the sake of your brother or would you ignore her? His adult children particularly dislike her as she has stopped him spending time with them so they all ignore her.

I'd say Hello and smile politely every time I made eye contact. But I wouldn't bother pencilling in time to have a conversation. And if she came over and wanted to chat, I'd have an exit strategy, I'd make small talk about the weather and the food for 5 mins then claim to be busting for the loo. And after the loo I just would walk in the opposite direction and talk to the first person I see.

You should off course be civil with her in public! Your commenting about her character but please do not let it affect how you act in public. You do not need to get into open conversations with her but just be as calm and polite as possible.

It would be different if you were behind closed doors and she was being really mean towards you but in public and in front of other family members, she is showing herself up by acting out and you will be the bigger person!