DH not communicating about pregnancy

[IHaveToReturnSomeVideoTapes]

Pregnant with DC3 which I'm delighted about as always felt I'd like one more child.
DH acted how I expected he would - he wasn't thrilled whatsoever, he looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole.

We hadn't been taking measures to prevent a pregnancy from happening so it's not like either one of us can be shocked at our situation!

Anyway, sat DH down last week and more or less told him that I'm keeping the baby - talks of a termination are completely off the cards - and he's free to take as long as he needs to come to terms with it all.

A few days passed and still nothing had been said about this pregnancy. I know DH well enough by now to know he doesn't cope well with stress and has the tendency to retreat inward until he's ready to open up, so I've not wanted to push or force a conversation with him. I did however, send him a message the other day, essentially asking just how much space he thinks he's going to need - because naturally, I'm excited about this baby and want to express it, but also want to be sensitive of his feelings and let him reach a place where he's okay with everything before I start talking 'all things pregnancy' related.

He didn't respond to me and nothing was said about the message that evening either. I ended up going to bed early that night after telling him that if needs weeks or even months to wrap his head around his family growing again - then that's absolutely fine, but to at least let me know so that I can stop feeling like I'm treading on eggshells and waiting in anticipation thinking that each day might be 'the' day he decides to talk about it.

I just don't know where to go from here. Given he's not happy about a third baby I really want to handle this situation in a sensitive manner, but, that being said, I can't neglect my own thoughts and feelings and I want to feel free to show my happiness too!

I do know in my heart of hearts that he'll come round once the baby is here and absolutely dote over it like he does our other DC's (he is an amazing father and watching him with our children is a beautiful sight! He truly loves being a Daddy!), but I am upset to think I could be spending the entirety of this pregnancy without the support from my DH.

I guess my question to you lovely lot is - have any of your DH's been distant at the start of the pregnancy, but warmed to the idea after scans, feeling the kicks etc?

you should have thought about forcing an unwanted pregnancy onto him and the catastrophic effect that would have on your relationship. what the fuck?! Sorry but what a riduculous thing to say. The OP had already said it's both their faults. He knew she would be happy to have another yet didn't go buy any condoms did he.

OP this won't be what you want to hear but I know someone in similar circumstances. Her husband hasn't come round and the baby is over a year. He said the kicks were weird and didn't want to feel them. Wouldn't look at the scan photos. And even now doesn't really parent at all. She's too worried about being a single parent to leave.

I would think how you would manage alone as it's always a possibility. But I hope he comes round and I wish you the best of luck.

So when you persuaded him not to pursue the vasectomy last year, was the agreement to ttc or to use contraception with a view to reviewing whether to ttc in the future?

What I don't understand is that you say that you told him that he's free to take as long as he needs to come to terms with it all but then the remainder of your post completely contradicts this. As far as I can work out you actually gave him a few days before you started niggling away at him again. So was that "as long as he needs" just bullshit then?

WaterOffaDucksCrack - read my post again and you’ll see I said he was an idiot for knowingly having unprotected sex if he didn’t want another baby.

Twice.

I still say the OP was foolish to let her desire for another baby override any concern for her marriage.

But, by all means, keep attempting to berate me when I already know where we went wrong

Except you didn’t go wrong did you. You wanted another child and held a gun to his head over the vasectomy. You got what you wanted but may have overplayed your hand

Yes but the language you used towards the OP was far worse imo. But then women are usually blamed for these situations.

My DH was like this with my pregnancy for DD1. Throughout the whole pregnancy. Tbh, I didn’t know whether I was going to be a single parent or not. It was a very lonely 38 weeks.
He did come to scans etc but was emotionless. I never felt I could turn to him if I felt off colour or down in the dumps.
After she was born he was a different person. Totally besotted with her. “I knew I would be like this” he said! Prick! Tbh it took me a long time to actually forgive him for that! Good luck OP x

To update -
DH has come home this evening, sat me down and has spoken about the pregnancy. He wants to be by my side every step of the way, wants to come to all the scans and truly wants this baby.
We've been sat laughing and joking about how fat I'm going to get again - and picking out baby names!

So thanks for your replies, but all is well over here!

great update!

I'm glad to hear it OP. Never mind the weird responses. Honestly I think it would be weird if people didn't feel ambivalent about having more children, given everything it involves.

Going forward though, yeah, maybe now's the time to decide once and for all whether the you're going to decide to actively try for a fourth, or whether he's going to get the snip. (I'm on Team Snip fwiw.)

Thank you so much @Waytooearly we're definitely team snip too! I told DH last year that I absolutely want no more than three children, so once we're sure everything is fine with this baby, he's going to book an appt with the doctor.

DH outlined last night all of his reasons for wanting this baby and why he wants to be so involved in the pregnancy, and it was lovely for me to hear given his initial reaction! we both now feel really positive and he rubbed and spoke to my belly when we got in bed which absolutely melts me. So yes, we're happy and I definitely won't be paying any attention to any weird comments on this thread from here on out ✌🏼😊

What an amazing coincidence!

sorry the thread wasn't more drama filled. My apologies! 🙄🧐

Oh it was filled with drama - complete with handy dramatic overnight conversion.

What a spectacular turn around.

All the best, OP.

I definitely won't be paying any attention to any weird comments on this thread from here on out

Well, no - plenty of attention gained already.

Did he explain what his hesitation was to begin with? Was he worried about money/having a newborn again?

Very happy it worked out for you, you can enjoy your pregnancy fully now.

Congratulations