Friends fiancé, late night messages & phonecalls

[Sammiejo12]

Hi

I am part of friendship group of 5 women, 4 of these have either husbands or long term partners who they are either engaged to or living with.

One of the women has a finance that won't stop calling and messaging me. I knew him through my ex before him and my friend got together... he's always made slightly inappropriate comments about seducing me or whatever when we've been out.

The fiancé is all ready suspicious and doesn't trust him, tries to go through his phone, doesn't like him going out etc. And the guy has admitted to me in the past he deletes messages to girls/me just to keep the peace at home.

they have recently moved back to the area and I popped round with another of our friends to see how they were... hugs and kisses were exchanged but I felt a bit uncomfortable around the fiancé given how he messages me late at night when he's not with his partner.

The messages aren't anything bad, just general chit chat, work, life etc. But I feel a bit worried that I'm encouraging it by just being friendly.

I've blocked him now as last night he rang and messaged me at 6am every few mins asking if I could pick him up from the train station as he was stranded... WTF. Anyone would think he'd been kidnapped.

I've told my bf about him and explained that from my side there is nothing that will ever happen. Luckily my bf didn't stay last night because I think he would have been a bit upset by the 8 missed calls And 5 messages I had within half hour.

Needless to say I didn't respond or pickup at 6am.

Why is he not ringing and texting his fiancé?!?!?

I feel I'm not close enough to my friend to say something, and I don't want to cause an argument between the pair of them but I also don't want to be dragged into their messed up relationship and accused of something that isn't even a thing.

Help.....!!!!!

I had a ex who was like this. I caught him so many times messaging other women and initially it would be general chit chat then he'd turn things to sexting. We split and some years later he married and started doing it to me. I've blocked him on everything. Phone calls WhatsApp , messenger. You need to show your mate what he's doing. She can't marry this bloke. Wouldn't you want to know if it was the other was round?

How would you feel if your "friend" was messaging your partner behind your back? This is a no brainer, cut contact and tell your "friend" what you've both been doing.

She's not a friend i could call up and chat with but we get along when we're together at social stuff, she's stayed a few times when she's been visiting family but we don't tell each other our darkest secrets etc.

Yeah last night was the final straw for me, blocked him now so he has no way of contacting other than when I see him out.

They keep putting the wedding back due to "money issues" but I really wonder what the real reason behind it is.

Just an odd thing to do I think! There are not many people I would get out of bed for at 6am, he certainly isn't one of them!

You should definitely send her screenshots and ask her to tell him not to, and that you've had to block him. Even with "innocent" grooming content, the timestamps are an eyebrow raiser.

You should have done it before, and yes by responding you were encouraging him, glad you have now realised it's not the way to handle things; friend or not, don't be that woman.

Ask her if he’s ok because you had a few weird calls/ messages about being stranded.

I would ring her and just ask if everything is ok and say you hoped he got home ok as you had a load of missed calls and texts.

Ah cross post!!

I've just messaged my friend and asked if everything is ok as I had a couple missed call early doors from her fiancé.

She replied immediately making a joke out of it, so at least she knows and can deal with him accordingly.

Feel so bad for her, I know he was like this before they got together, he had a secret relationship/affair with someone for 6 years behind his babymommy's back.

Why has it taken you until now to block him?

TBH you sound like your enjoying the attention otherwise you would have told him how inappropriate it is, if you had anything you would tell your friend regardless the level of closesness you are with her.

I don't hear from him very often, the odd message every few months. It was never a big deal as we were friends before he started dating my friend -4/5 years ago now. They lived a couple hours away for two years and have just come back.

But calling and messaging at 630am because, from what I can gather, he didn't want to wake his fiancé up to come and get him is a step too far.

It was a step too far, you’ve blocked him and informed her.

Problem solved. (not for her obviously but that not your responsibility)

He sounds like an entitled knob who thinks he's irresistible to women. Now that she is aware of what he is doing, let the sort it out between them. If he manages to message you again, by some other means, like Facebook messenger for example, then just ignore it. There's nothing that says 'fuck off mate, I'm not interested' better than having an unread message sitting there for days.

I am not enjoying the attention I can assure you of that!

I was mates with him long before she come in the scene, I know for a fact she wouldn't tell me if it was the other way round as we are not close. She's said some stuff about me in the past that had made it clear.

We rarely socialise together as they lived miles away but have moved back to the area because he is now working for another of the women's husbands.

It was the odd "hi how are you" message, nothing more nothing less.

But this morning was not ok, I've blocked him and asked her is everything is ok because of the calls.

Oh gosh I've just heard that they have broken up and called off their engagement!!

Really really glad I said something now

Thank you for all your advice :)

Well done op you've done exactly the right thing. It is hard when there isn't something specific you can report back but you know it's not exactly right. In your case it was messy as you knew him already. But you've alerted her without embarrassing her - over to her now.

How convenient
If it was me and this kept happening, i'd have to say something friend or not

But job done an not your problem op

I get it, some people saying that you should have steamed in with ‘This contact is in appropriate’ are just being odd. Would have made you look very weird, it sounds like you called it right though OP!