Feeling pretty glum. Advice needed please.

[Glum2076]

Am feeling a bit blue and unsure whether I’m being unreasonable or not. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months.

We text and talk fairly regularly but I think maybe we’re just on different wavelengths. I never thought I was needy but I think I like having someone who wants to see me and who I can chat to quite a bit. At the beginning of our relationship for the first 2 months he was working all the time and I saw him maybe once a week, didn’t chat too much. I thought on his time off at weekends we’d see each other but he didn’t really get in touch. When I went away on holiday he barely texted until I decided to end it whilst away and then he texted all the time.

My friends say their partners don’t text them much when they’re away so I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. With my ex boyfriend we used to always chat and speak even when we were apart.

Last week we had a bit of an argument but it got brushed aside. I saw him on Saturday evening and he stayed round. Yesterday I asked if he wanted to come around again and he said no he was busy and today I’ve barely heard from him.

Maybe it is me and maybe he needs someone who is just more like him.

It doesn't sound like you're needy at all. You just sound like you want to communicate and spend time with your boyfriend - both perfectly reasonable.

Have you had a proper sit down talk with him about it? Ask him what his expectations are in regards to communication and explain that you feel that the relationship is lacking in that area.

I hope things work out for you both.

I have asked him. Initially he wasn’t great still and we argued a lot but I feel like he has tried since. But we seem to have gone back to how it was before and I suppose even when we spend a lot of time together we don’t do very much apart from stay at home and watch tv.

Do you think there's any way of getting the relationship to where you want it to be?

Doesn't sound as if you are getting much out of the relationship to be honest OP. I don't think you are even remotely needy. Surely the point of having a boyfriend is love, cuddles, laughs, activities, companionship, entertainment and a bit of brain challenge - plus sex. I'd want a bit of enthusiasm as a bottom line. Otherwise I'd be inclined to call it a day. maybe that's your NY resolution!

Yes I think that’s true. I do feel incredibly sad. I message him a few hours ago asking if we could meet for coffee but it’s not delivered to his phone which makes me think it’s off or he’s run out of battery - and this is the other thing. I can’t help but be paranoid that maybe he is cheating on me with one of his friends. He’s never given me a reason to suspect but I always feel slightly uneasy about it for some reason.

Just because you go out with someone, it doesn't mean you have to end up with them. Nothing has to be wrong with the relationship, but if being with him doesn't make you happy, then it's okay to end it.

You are massively wasting your time. Raise the bar.

It's only been 6 months. It shouldn't be like this. Move on and find someone who makes you feel loved

Some people just aren't great communicators. I like texting and checking on each others days. But constant communication most days would tire me out. Sometimes I just want to turn my phone off and be in my home by myself with my own thoughts.
In the first 2/3 months I would expect to do something once a week, maybe a date followed by a sleep over (ifyswim) that would be more than enough. I guess more time together progresses as time goes on. If I was seeing someone who was on holiday with friends I wouldn't want to text them daily. I would want them to relax and enjoy their time. Perhaps he was doing the same. I hate it when I'm out with friends and I get messages from someone I'm seeing. I like my own space and time not on my phone is important to me. If somebody argued with me or finished with me because of that I would assume we weren't matched and I would agree it was best to keep it ended.
You clearly want more from this relationship than he can or wants to give. My initial reaction would be to advise you to discuss it, see if you can reach some kind of balance where you feel assured and he doesnt feel smothered, but it sounds like you have done this already.
The thing is I think that (like compatible libidos) it's really important that your levels of expectations relating to communication and the frequency of meetings has to match.
Yours don't seem to, it doesn't mean he is wrong or that you aren't right it just means your levels of needs are different.
By 6 months I would have expected you to have found some kind of balance, to have established your own couple groove. Not to be fighting about how often or not you see eachother. If that has happened it may just be wiser to call it a day and accept that what you need is different to what he wants.
It is a shame but not every relationship is meant to last forever. There doesn't have to be some huge reason (cheating or abuse for example) it just means it wasn't right.
I do however, believe that most relationships teach us something, perhaps this one was just meant to teach you what you are really looking for and that you need more contact.

I think this is very true. We’re kudt not right for each other, neither of us is wrong. It still feels very sad though. I’ve been up most of the night.

The first few months are the heady honeymoon period where you cannot get enough of each other, so this is as good as he gets op - this is him. Up to you what you do but it sounds like a complete waste of your time.
Personally I would ghost and move on.

Agree with most of the comments here. In dating phase, good to be moving on, rather than be quagmired in a relationship of dwindling interest. Of course, in family phase, there will be other considerations, but i digress.

Don't ghost him, that's just horrible and as he hasn't actually done anything wrong I think he st least deserves a call or a text..
I would always prefer to be dumped by text if I'm honest. I think it's nicer as gives you the opportunity to take it all in.
I would simply explain that it isn't working for you anymore. I. Sorry op but it's probably better to get it done sooner rather than later.