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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Will I ever feel better and get my life back completely?

1 reply

EllenW123 · 07/01/2019 22:22

I was wondering if anyone has felt the same and can give me some heartening words or advice. My boyfriend moved in with me 9 years ago and I thought we were quite happy together. We had known each other for 5 years previous to that and were in a relationship. He was just an ordinary guy I thought, hardworking, although at times I felt he was a bit of a liar and exaggerated things.
Then around three years ago, after some suspicions but completely out of the blue, he walked out as he said we had grown apart. Within days after searching on the internet, I found out he had set up a new face book, was involved with two other women. Then after a few weeks up suddenly wanted to return, he told me he was suffering from depression, and even took a few months off on the sick and sat with his feet up, whilst I consoled him, I seriously thought he had a mental breakdown. I was in a spin but because I thought I loved him, that is why allowed him back.
Over the next two years (until February 2018) I tried to make a go of it with him, but the in between time was difficult, after the break up, suddenly his family would no longer speak to me, his two children were as cold as they ever were towards me.
Then I noticed a message on his phone, and when I read it it was from a woman saying how much she loved him, I pretended I was him, I got enough information out of her to realize that it was a long standing affair (and even met up with her). She showed me lots of inappropriate photographs he had taken of himself both in our house and whilst we were away on holiday. I threw him out of the house and cut him off completely, I found out that he had other women too, including the one from three years before.
Since last February, I have plodded on, and have continued to try to build up my life amidst the devastation. Now I have found out he is now living with another new girlfriend and has broadcast it over Facebook that he is to marry her. He left our home with nothing at all and nothing behind him and I just feel really hurt and puzzled that this is the situation now, I know I shouldn't care, but do you really know anyone and, will I ever get over this. I do feel better most of the time,, but then it hits me and I wonder if I will ever feel the same. I still have my adult daughter who is a great support but has her own life, she lives with her boyfriend. I just feel quite lost at times, and wonder why this has happened to me. Smile

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 08/01/2019 12:51

Hello sorry to hear this but dont dwell on ‘why me’ as these things happen. You know deep down you are well rid of him. Keep yourself busy with new interests and put it down to experience. Dont beat yourself up about making a bad choice, put it behind you. You will get over it. You’ll have bad days then good and the good will get more frequent and you will be happy again.

I was married for 14 yrs and had supported exh through a very difficult and stressful time re an issue he had (was hard for me too). We did ivf and as he found supporting me difficult, he had an affair and dropped me like a hot potato. We were moving out of rented flat at the time and i continued with move (with no help from him) and collected some of my items which had been put in a binbag whilst OW watched from front door.
Shit happens! But life is much better now!
Wishing you well Flowers

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