Red flag, over sensitive, over reacting?

[Onwardsandupdwards]

I’ve been dating someone for 5 weeks, it’s been quite full on & we’ve seen each other practically every other day - so 20 dates plus in reality.

All has been going really well although have been on my guard due to a bad relationship which ended in April which has put my guard up massively.

Met for lunch today & he mentioned that I seemed really confident when he first met me but as he’s grown to know me, he’s realised that I’m quite emotional & need reassurance.

I didn’t go further into it at the time as felt quite defensive at the time & felt that it came across as a criticism- as if I seemed great at first but now he realises that I’m overly emotional?

Basically, my question is - how would you feel if this was said to you?

I’m not going to jump on the issue but am seeing him again Wednesday night but feel that this conversation has put a dampener on things.

My dp says he fell in lust with my confidence and in love with my vulnerability.

He is not at ease with his emotions so huge statement from him. He says it was when I trusted him to show him that I needed him too that he really loved me

Maybe this man is trying to tell you it's OK to reveal your vulnerable side?

Lots of food for though here, thanks for all input.

Just tell him you are like a parrot, you need constant attention..... A woman told me that once about myself , I was not offended, but found it quite funny....

I really like what Vietnamese said about "giving him the power, instead of you also sussing him out to see if he’s good enough for you.." I think too often we are too consumed with whether "he likes me" rather than really being in touch with our own feelings/needs. Not altogether to the point, but just liked that bit.

The red flag was flying at full mast with seeing you nearly every day for the first 5 weeks. When do you breathe and enjoy your own company, see your friends, do what you want to do? Love bombing tendencies and controlling tendencies. Get rid now before he starts really showing you who he is. I've been described as needy and emotional and I am happy with once a week to 10 days!

Yes he might think it's a red flag but why not speak to him about it if you've been spending that much time together?

I totally agree with PerverseConverse

Someone being that available, would be a huge red flag for me

Have a chat! I think it is fine to say “oh you said this and it played on my mind a bit”. I think people like to get the sense that they are getting to know the real you. And if you do need reassuring then that is actually ok - we all have different needs and provided it’s not over the top then you can need to be with someone who needs to know you will need some reassurance. Sounds quite intense but if you have both been initiating meeting up so often and it isn’t sinister then it isn’t necessarily love bombing - some relationships just start like that - makes the inevitable bit where you go back to focusing on your separate worlds again a bit more challenging. I think the only way you will know if it’s a red flag is by asking him and seeing his reaction. If it is critical then that isn’t good and may mean that he is not the man for you. If it’s more that he has found getting to know you interesting and finds the process multi layered and nuanced, it could be good and a sign of a man who doesn’t need you to be this way or that way

I don't think it is a red flag at all, actually. He didn't say it as a criticism, did he? More that he is starting to get to know you better now. I expect your first impressions of him have changed now you know him better as well.
Take things steady and see how it goes.

Just ask him what he meant.

Also look up love bombing.

Agree with PPs, why are you seeing him so frequently, isn’t it a bit odd that you both have so much free time ? When do you work, see friends, go shopping, do the cleaning or just chill out? Slow down & make sure he isn’t your only ‘interest’ in life.

Try postponing your next date, see how that goes down with him.

From your post if you don't think you are overly emotional or needing reassurance then is he saying that to manipulate the situation or doubt yourself. The relationship does sound intense maybe back off a little with the contact to give the message you are not too needy.

Based on my experiences that's a whopping red flag it's negging definitely.

Not sure what sort of reassurance can be asked for/given at 5 weeks in.
Neither of you know each other yet. Have only started scratching the surface.

What he said - is what he has discovered about you. And it seems true given your posts.
And true observations are just that.
It’s good that he is starting to see the real you - and going beyond the first impression.

How your relationship will develop when you both get to actually know each other - is anyone’s guess.
Any ‘reassurances’ at this juncture can not be counted on. They aren’t based on anything real. Just the image you have of each other - as you assume the other person is.

Take a breath and don’t rush things.

This all sounds very full on! This is the 'getting to know you' period, what reassurances are you both needing??
It sounds like you're both allowing past relationships to affect what's going on between you now which isn't the basis for anything healthy.
Slow things down and if it's really on your mind then have a conversation with him and just ask what he means. His response should give you the answers you're looking for