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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think we are just friends now

3 replies

feelingblue12 · 07/01/2019 17:06

My wife has told me after I sensed something wasn’t right, that she thinks we are more just like good friends now instead of a married couple. We have 2 young children. We talked things through and I agreed that we do seem more like friends now.

I said that we should try and work at things to see if we can get out of the friends zone, but she doesn’t think we can although she has said, okay let’s try then (the tone she says this at comes across as though she’s not really wanting to try to make things better).

She is happy for us to live together for the sake of the children, and that nothing has really changed - we should just carry on as before. I am happy to do this, but on the provisio we try and sort things - we haven’t had a night out just the 2 of us since our 2nd was born well over a year ago.

I feel if we started concentrating on each other again that we can fix things, but I don’t think she does.

I really want things to work out, but feel myself becoming cold/distant towards her (because I’m thinking, well if she’s not wanting to try then why should I).

She says there is no one else and I believe her. She says she can’t help the way she feels. I don’t want to stay in an unhappy marriage just for Children’s sake, but at the same time I don’t want to let them down either.

I just don’t know what to do. Financially it would be impossible for us to separate. My heart is breaking when I think of the children and I just need some advice.

OP posts:
NotUmbongoUnchained · 07/01/2019 17:08

Honestly I would leave. You’re worth more than that.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 07/01/2019 17:17

I think the only way to work on it is if you both commit to counselling. There was something there before and you both feel a responsibility to the other, you have things you can build on. But you both need to try. Or to agree to go your separate ways while terms are still amicable.

VixenSixen · 07/01/2019 17:55

Having left a relationship with a small child who was 4 at the time, I think the transition has been far easier than it would have been if we had stayed together for his sake (which, I hasten to add, was never on the cards).

If you have explored all other avenues such as counselling and trying to get things back on track then I would say it's probably fairer for you both to go separate ways and be amicable. Life is too short to live with someone as a friend.....

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