How often do you see your parents during the week?

[Bambie32]

Just that really...

My partner likes to go to his parents on a Monday after work for dinner, on a Wednesday after work for dinner and also on a Sunday too. Although I think the Sunday one will now stop because I've moved in with my DD. I was just wondering if this is normal for families, I've never had a family so I don't know what is normal. I won't be going to these dinners by the way, because I'd be doing the dinner for myself and my daughter at home. But is it normal for you or your partner to have so much contact with your family during the week.

We do a lot at the weekends with my parents but not during the week as we're all at work.

she gives him some food to put in the freezer for the next day.

So they feed him Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs and Sunday?!

X post Bambie, but that's good isn't it? Would you really want to be seeing in laws 3x per week?

Yes so Monday he gets dinner for Tuesday, Wednesday he gets dinner for Friday. Thursday night is his fish and chip night...so we have that together. Sunday he used to get a spare dinner too...

There are red flags here re your partner. You seem very passive as well in readily accepting this. Is he really worth it to you?. What is there to love about this man?.

And I do not think you will get a yes answer from him either. The fact that he has read your message and not replied to it could be telling as well.

I would be thinking long and hard about your own future regarding your relationship with this man because his parents and he are enmeshed and codependent. They to each other come first, you are not a part of this.

There's nothing wrong with being a close family, as long as they are welcoming to you and your DD also, and have made you feel part of the family.

However I am really concerned that he seems so dependent on them. Does he cook meals for you all at home? What are his cooking skills like? Who changes the bedding now? Who does all the cleaning, laundry etc? It sounds like you and your DD are quite isolated, just doing your own thing while he sticks to his usual routine. How is he with your DD? Do you all do fun things together at the weekends?

God almighty you've moved in with a man baby

Are his spare dinners leftovers? I would assume his mum is just cooking enough for four and he's taking the spare portion home with him, rather than her cooking an entirely separate meal.

How long have you been together?

There is emotionally close healthy and there is emotionally close which is unhealthy. He seems to fall into the latter category with his parents, it does smack of dependency from both his parents and his own self here.

What has his relationship history to date been like?. Has he been in a relationship before you?.

How did the two of you meet at all?. Is this man simply looking to you to further facilitate his life for him?.

Um, how did you ever get to the stage in a relationship with him that you are moving in? Don't you ever go out together?

It sounds stifling. Mummy changes his sheets??!!

This is quite a lot but perhaps happened so often just because he was on his own before?I think if me I would expect it to stop in the week now you are together as you should eat together. Also getting you mum in her 80’s to cook so frequent is a bit much. What about having them to you for sunday lunch instead sometimes?

Good point Attila - what was he looking for when he met you? Is he just worried that his parents are now elderly and may not be able to "look after" him for much longer?

Have the two of you talked about whether you want to try for a child together? Obviously no idea of your age, situation etc but if this was a possibility would he be willing to change his "routine"?

Also getting you mum in her 80’s to cook so frequent is a bit much. What about having them to you for sunday lunch instead sometimes?

Yeah, it seems very one sided. They cook for him, does he ever cook for them? Invite them round? Treat them to a meal out? Does he help them in other practical ways like doing their housework or gardening or food shopping? Cos from what you’ve said so far OP it sounds take take take, and like he feels entitled to have them feeding him and cleaning his house. So offputting 🤢

Yes we do go out together...

He has had one relationship that lasted 7 years. That ended 12 years ago. Since then he has has a few relationships between 6-12 months.

You are validating a lot of things I have felt but always felt in the wrong about. He can't be told anything. He makes me feel like I'm constantly criticising him. So now I don't say anything anymore. I've made a mistake. Deep down I know this. But my daughter has just started a new school in the area and I can't change that right now. I'll have to bide my time and then make plans to go. Thank you for your insight it means a lot.

Sounds like your mind is made up, and for what it’s worth I think you’re right. He doesn’t sound like an appropriate partner for you, for anyone really, unless they truly have no issues with a partner being an adult man baby.

Do you really feel you can’t leave now? After living together only a month? Wouldn’t it be better to leave now before she gets settled in at her new school?

We only see ours intermittently due to distance.

We live in central Scotland, but dh is from Northern Ireland and we see his mum 6-8 times a year when we go there or (more commonly) she comes to us. She was here over Christmas and we're going to her on the February long weekend.

My parents live about 90 mins drive away. We see them every 4-6 weeks, sometimes we go to them but more likely they will come to us.

I know for mil she used to live round the corner from Bil and Sil and their family. She had the boys 2x a week after school and them all for dinner on Friday and Sunday. Then they emigrated to Canada and suddenly she's dealing with seeing them once a year. So she wants to come to us a little more and that's ok.

I'm glad we don't live any closer though - this suits us and the grandparents!!

My mum comes to mine for a couple of hours about once a week, sometimes a bit less.

My dad I see a bit less often but his working pattern is all over the place and his job has him up and down the country.

We speak a few times a week via WhatsApp or phone.

Dp speaks to mil probably five times a week or so and sees her around once a fortnight. Fil has never been on the scene.

All three parents work though. We would quite likely see more of them if they were retired.

I think it's too much for someone who has a live in partner. He should be wanting to eat with you, if not at home then inviting you and your DD to his parents.
The fact him and his parents have not invited you is bad. It shows his parents are not accepting of you and his DD and your DP is maintaining a bit of distance from you by not inviting you.
I will eat at my parents maybe once a month and I will bring my husband and kids. My parents would never dream of leaving my husband out because they accept he is my husband and that I would want him with me.

Wow - that's a lot.
He's not let go of the apron strings has he?
So does his mum still change and wash his bedsheets?
Or is that for you now?
My dad need some support with my mum so I see them 1 night a week, overnight.
I couldn't live with someone like this I'm afraid.
Do they ever come round to his house?
Does he ever cook for them?

I see my only living parent about 3 times a year. That is normal for us.

I’ve read the rest of the thread now. I think you’re doing the right thing by making plans to move on from this relationship.

Ok, now with more points, no that's not normal. A 50 year old man who has almost every meal made by his 80 year old parents and they still change his bed sheets. That's not normal, at his age there is usually a role reversal where he should be helping them more. How do his parents feel about this arrangement?