feeling insecure for no reason

[insecure123]

I hope I don't get flamed here...please be gentle. I have name changed because I feel really embarrassed and petty and daft about all this but it is bugging me and maybe some perspective/advice/kick up the bum will help.

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. I appreciate it is a new relationship but it does feel longer and we get on great. he is wonderful! Very kind, respectful, we get on great, we make time for each other, we have both had busy spells etc in the 6 months and have always made the time for each other. I honestly cannot believe my luck (after a horrible marriage followed by an abusive relationship)

I have met many of his friends and they are all lovely. On egroup in particular - he is friend with a married couple and their daughter and her fiance (same business and live close together - help each other out, I have also helped out at their premises and been nothing short of welcomed) For some reason I have a total insecurity about their daughter! She is the same age as me, we have very similar interests and she is absolutely lovely! She actually initiated us trying to get out just the two of us for a drink and a catch up over the festive period (I have only socialised with them as a group) she is honestly nothing short of lovely and her and her family have known my boyfriend for years. But I find myself increasingly insecure feeling and sometimes annoyed by her (for absolutely no reason)

Now this is absolutely not a gut instinct about her and my boyfriend - my gut is absolutely that he is a good guy. In fact it is nothing to with him at all - it is me and my ridiculous apparent feeling of competing against her. I know, rationally that I am being a crazy biatch and that this is linked to my insecurity so how do I work on getting over this? We follow each other on the demon social media and she does "appear" 9as we all do on there) to be living this great life doing the hobbies which I also love (but don't get the time because I work full time and run a business and have a long distance relationship etc etc) she is also very attractive and her family business is the same as my partners so I don't know whether there is insecuirty there that she knows more about it and I can feel a bit "daft" that I am learning

My abusive ex was horrible and did put me down alot, shatter my confidence and as I found out afterwards cheated and I know this stems from that. I was single well over a year before I get into this relationship and had counselling etc and definitely feel ready for this relationship.

I just need to stop comparing myself to this girl, feeling inferior, wondering that my boyfriend may be happier with someone like her etc etc It is too the point that he mentioned her name at the weekend (he rarely talks about her - he rarely sees her!) in asnwer to a question that I blooming asked about her Mum and my blood was almost boiling!!!

Please help :(

just me then :(

Have you had any counselling since your abusive relationship? You might find that putting all of that to bed would help with this situation.

I totally understand about anxiety and insecurity, it doesn't always have a logical basis and trying to understand it may be futile, but it probably isn't anything to do with her at all, its about yourself and how you feel about you.

Sorry I don't have a magic wand to help you to get rid of these feelings, I know it must be hard, but recognising it is half the battle

Hello sorry you are feeling like this but of course its your past experiences that make you feel this way. Its still early days in your relationship so understandable to feel insecure but wonderful you have found a lovely man.

Dont compare yourself to anyone else we are all individuals. You may have a lot of experience in areas she knows nothing about. Also he chose to go out with YOU not her. Maybe you feel frustrated not to have enough time for your interests? If not see if you can remedy that.

Thank you for the kind replies! I did have counselling as I was diagnosed as having PTSD.

It's funny how just reading your replies makes it clearer. It is absolutely nothing to do with her at all you are right it is all about me. I know I need to deal with this and stop it eating me up.

I am absolutely frustrated about the hobby thing. This is going to sound really pathetic but she works in another part of the country so only does 3 days but is also subsidised by her family business so she does get alot of time to do and progress on her hobby (I know it won;t be as straightforward as this and she will work hard too - you only see the good) but because I live alone and work full time as well as my business etc I don't have the same time to do that so I feel like I am "falling behind" her even though I have been doing it longer. That sounds awful and I know it isn't a competition! I have though scheduled 2 training sessions a week in this area and am going to make sure it happens. Not to "compete" but fr my "me time" as I feel like this is maybe highlighting the issue that I need to make sure I do some of what I enjoy/ want to work towards

comparison is the thief of joy -Theodore Roosevelt

Just do you. And, remind yourself that he's with you (and not her) for a reason.

Good luck!

I think you feel envious of her lifestyle and that you dont have time for your hobby so good you are going to fix that.

Thank you for your kind words. I am already feeling a bit better and going to focus on me and my self esteem/insercurities!