Marriage/Relationship After Baby

[thosethreewords]

TTC first baby but had some anxiety over this weekend after meeting with a friend who has a < 1 year old.

Background: I've been with DH >10 years, we are extremely happy together. We are both broody and I love spending time with my young nieces and nephews and godson.
My friend and I are close, although don't leave near to each other. She loved her DC and is extremely happy with her life. But I can't help thinking her and her DH just aren't that... close anymore. They've not been on a date night in a year and they don't often share the same bed due to shifts patterns and her BF,
childcare which works out great f

Accidentally posted mid sentence 😂
The last sentence should read:
They've not been on a date night in a year and they don't often share the same bed due to shifts patterns and her BF.
She does all the childcare (which works out great for them).
Essentially. I just want some other people to chime in and say they still have great relationships with their DH/DP post baby. My relationship is so important to me, I'm a little scared of losing it if we hopefully conceive!

I think it very much depends on your relationship, and a little on your resources. We have family members who are happy to babysit so we’ve had a few date nights and one night away since our daughter was born (9 months). Our relationship is stronger than ever and seeing my partner with my daughter makes me love him even more. Plus now we get extra fun- family snuggles, trying to make our daughter giggle, trips out all together.

The only thing I would say that gets harder is sex, especially when she was still sleeping in our room. We probably average a couple of times a month.

I don't think that your examples are one of a bad marriage tbh. DH and I never sleep in the same room due to snoring (we don't even sleep on the same floor), you don't have to spend the night together to cuddle or have sex. Having a date night would be our idea of torture. We talk so, so much and really feel togetherness. I don't think that you can decide by your own standards if someone elses marriage is less. They will have other standards.

If the date night etc. Is however important to your marriage then you might want to arrange a babysitter after a few months. Most people I know need a bit getting used to a new baby but after a while (max a year) they're fine again.

@explodingkitten thanks for your reply - and to clarify yes I agree that sharing a bed and date nights aren't everyone's priorities (obviously) but these are examples of what they used to do a lot together.
Me and DH work shifts so don't always share the same bed and I look forward to those nights for a good kip! And I'm with you on going out for date nights - not my idea of fun but I do think I would still want "alone time" with DH for walks/ film/ night away etc. Maybe this is unrealistic though. That's my question really (which you answered )

@riotlady thanks for your reply. Yes DH thinks our relationship will be stronger and our focus would be on DC and with that comes new experiences and happiness.

I obviously know our relationship would change. But I guess I just would like to know that it would be for the better because I would hate us to drift apart.

OP - baby changes a relationship. It’s unrealistic to expect that it doesn’t.
But the changes arent necessarily negative.

Ok, in the first year - life will be more about the baby than about romantic candlelight dinners. It’s meant to be this way, no matter how much help you may have. That little baby will need a lot of love and care - from both of you.
But it’s also something beautiful. Can be, anyway.
Having brought new life to this world, sharing the love, that has expanded to include another being - it is something to look forward to.

And then - life will come to the new phase - where the new normal is three of you. And you’ll need to find a balance of the couple vs parents+child sort of time and interactions.
It’s not impossible.