Anyone else feel so shit about themselves that they don't feel they can have another relationship?

[Imjustsaying]

I'm only in my early 20s, a single mother to a little girl I absolutely adore. However I've had a couple really bad relationships that have made me feel so insecure about myself and my body image. I have crazy high anxiety (refuse meds due to still breastfeeding my little girl who is a toddler) I honestly feel so little about myself. I hate the way my body looks when I undress, not weight wise but how my characteristic look. Even when approached in work etc I automatically turn people down as I just couldn't imagine myself ever feeling confident enough. At the moment I'm happy bringing up my little girl but in the future would love to be happy and in a relationship but just can't see it happening as my anxiety gets the best of me. Anyone else the same and had a happy ending?

I’m 18 but I completely understand how you’re feeling, a lot of people feel exactly the same way, insecure about themselves, I’ve also gone to extremes where I’d cancel dates last minute because I feel so insecure about my looks and my body, that they might lose interest in me because of the way I look, also due to past comments being made about how I look. Honestly, if people are approaching you it’s a good sign that they are interested, like the way you look and want to get to know you and that’s a good sign, you need to sometimes step outside your comfort zone and just try because your partner is going to like you for the way you are. In the past I didn’t date much for the same reasons but I’ve been dating an amazing guy for 3 months now, I was so insecure when I first met him that I was reluctant but he made me feel better about myself and whenever I’m feeling horrible he always tells me what he loves about me.
I think you’ve dated the wrong people in the past, you have to remember not everyone is like that and you will find someone who will love the things about you that you might not, you have to accept the fact that you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life, and of course no one is completely happy with how they look. Focus on things that make you happy like your daughter and take time to love yourself until you feel confident enough.

So sorry you're going through this op.

I'm single mum with one ds. I feel the same about never being able to face having another relationship, although mine is due to trust issues with men. Having had some awful relationships, I feel all men trick you into being in a relationship then show their true colours. Yeah, it's messed. I know not all men aren't like that but my heart doesn't want to accept. Funnily enough, I'd love to be in a relationship.

I'm just working on the relationship with myself, valuing myself and accepting myself. I think part of that is accepting I'm not ready to be in a relationship just yet.

I find mindfulness really helpful. In your case it might be helpful to focus on learning to value your body more. Your body carried and birthed a human being and continues to feed your dc. It's a marvel of nature.

I also get body conscious especially about my height. I've been turned down by men who say I'm too short (I'm 4' 11). When walking or running I focus on how my amazing body works to keep me moving. I find body brushing a really good practice for focusing on appreciating rather than judging my body. We spend too much time hating our bodies, it's not fair on ourselves or our wonderful bodies.
Sending you hugs and strength xx

I don’t think I could consider dating whilst still breastfeeding. Your little girl must still need you on hand?
I would advise you to concentrate on you and your daughter for now. This time passes very quickly.
Have you thought about counselling for self esteem issues?

Anonymous 12- it sounds like you know how I feel and it's nice to see a happy ending and I definately do need to step put of my comfort zone it's just so hard to break the cycle isn't it?

Forgotmycoat- I also find it very hard to open up and have some trust issues because I've been chested on and lied to in the past but I still always give a fair chance as not to 'tar everyone with the same brush' but I completely get it. It's easier to keep yourself shut off than the possibility of being hurt. I also find your comment about working on a relationship with yourself first very powerful. I briefly practiced mindfulness a few years ago but didn't really think it was for me but I could revisit it and try again. Thank you for the advice l.

Notcoolmum- my little girl is coming upto 2. As I said in my OP I am happy concentrating on bringing up my little girl now but would like to be able to have a relationship in the future. I definately dont think I'd have time now and tbh I wouldn't want to just yet as I wouldn't want ton sacrifice any time with her for someone else. Shes never slept out a night and i certainly wouldn't want to introduce a new love interest until I knew it was going somewhere and had been established for a while first. So this puts it off the cards for a while. I am waiting for counselling but my referral has been lost twice apparently and it's taken nearly a year.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mindfulness-Workbook-Teach-Yourself/dp/1444186175?tag=mumsnetforum-21

@imjustsaying I'm currently working through the above workbook and have found it beneficial in accepting myself and working on my relationship with myself.

I'm aiming to make this Oprah Winfrey quote my motto this year. I'm going to find things to celebrate, in fact I'm going to celebrate the smallest things!! I'm going to celebrate by being more mindful of the moment as I live it as this moment will never recur. I'm in danger of life passing me by. The last 2 years have been particularly awful with the end of my abusive marriage of 11 years. I'm hoping this year will be more positive, but I realise I must take responsibility for making good things happen.

Sending you hugs and strength op x

Forgotmycoat - I feel the exact same way as you. I'd love a relationship eventually but I need to work on myself first, as I'm not long out of a toxic one. I find my last relationship plays on my mind all the time, and I have deep-seated trust issues when it comes to men.

I have two young kids, I couldn't envisage sharing my life (or bed) with anyone right now as I still in the healing process. But I think eventually one day I would like a relationship. I need to reset my brain and set my standards much higher