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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Did you meet your DH after believing you wouldn’t?

40 replies

agshdk · 06/01/2019 22:38

I can’t imagine even falling for someone now. I’d love a husband and family but my last relationship in my twenties feels like forever ago and can’t imagine feeling so carefree and certain about someone now.

Some bedtime reading of happier endings would be really nice :)

OP posts:

Neolara · 08/01/2019 21:53

I was 33 when I met my DH. Had pretty much given up hope. Married for 16 years.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 08/01/2019 22:04

Yup, I was 34 I think and assumed I'd be single the rest of my life. 2 longish term relationships in my 20's but nothing for about 3ish years before I met my now DH. Think it's been 4ish years and we're now married with a baby, so there's definetly time yet for you!

OurChristmasMiracle · 08/01/2019 22:06

When I met my current partner I had given up on meeting anyone. Decided I was supposed to be alone and had given up dating.

I was happy in my job and life in general and didn’t want or need a man. Then one night walking home I met my partner. He was walking his dog and I was walking from a friends house, home to mine. He was so nervous bless him and blurted out some words. I stroked his dog and he asked for my number and I gave it to him even though my phone had died. Walked home. Put my phone on charge, showered, messaged my friend (whose house I had been at to let know I was home safe) and there was no message from my partner so I went to bed and thought no more of it. I woke in the morning to a message from him sent about 15 mins after I went to bed. We messaged for a while. He invited me out and was a perfect gentleman. 2 years in and he still gives me butterflies and makes me feel like the only woman in the room.

Original poster

agshdk · 08/01/2019 22:22

These stories all seem like magic to me.

I can’t imagine it happening or how it even would now. It’s like it happens all around me but not to me.

OP posts:

newye · 08/01/2019 22:36

@Epiphany52 thank you

drspouse · 08/01/2019 22:39

Yep, I went on a bunch of awful blind dates, was getting to know DH online but couldn't face going on another one, a friend said "what's the worst that can happen", we arranged to go out on a Friday 13th and the rest as they say...

SundayShawl · 08/01/2019 22:44

I was 31 when I met DH - never had any sort of relationship and had come to the conclusion that I was essentially undesirable.

We met on a training course at work and when it was over he asked me out for a drink. That led to weekly dates, then meeting for lunch every day and finally moving in together a year later.

We have been together 8 years (married for 3) and I wouldn't swap him for the world!

Gillian1980 · 08/01/2019 22:44

I was single for 9 years before meeting my DH online when I was 31. Now been together 8 years, married with a dc and another on the way. I honestly didn’t believe it would happen.

creativeusername · 08/01/2019 23:00

Single all the way through my teens and early 20s. Convinced that there just wasn't anyone for me. Gave OLD a go. 3 or 4 terrible dates and then met my DH :) 6 years later we are married with 2 kids, a house and a dog. Have never been happier. If you'd have told me that 6 years ago, I wouldn't have believed you!

MamaHechtick · 08/01/2019 23:04

I met my DH a year after I found my then boyfriend and then best friend in bed together on my birthday. I never thought I'd trust or want anyone again and went through a bad time. I met DH and although we've had our hard times there's something that makes us stay together. Completely different to my previous relationships.

YeOldeNameChange · 08/01/2019 23:04

🙋🏻‍♀️
Had disastrous relationships throughout my life. Chased after guys who weren’t interested, pushed away those who were. Felt completely clueless.
Friends always badgering me to settle down. Did so much online dating. It was grim.
Decided to forget about it and try to enjoy my life-mid 30s
Within a year - Got together with OH as we worked together so I’d known him for years. It was a big risk as he was younger and was recently separated. Friends warned me against it but I knew it was worth the risk. Hes a genuinely decent, devoted guy. We have a child now (4yo)
Please relax - and another thing I’d recommend, if you feel you have hang ups or issues that are getting to you I would get counselling. I did. It really helped.

Netty909 · 09/01/2019 10:03

I got together with my partner when I was 35 and had my baby 12 months later. I had actually met him a couple of times when I was 16 and thought he was a dick and he thought I was stuck up. No contact for 20 years then chatted online and got together. I’ve noticed several old school friends who have recently got together after divorces etc who have not been in touch since we left school. Don’t give up, I think you meet someone when you least expect it.

isthismylifenow · 09/01/2019 11:44

Single for three years, divorced last year. I was in the frame of mind that I would never have another relationship and was absolutely not open to the idea. Unexpectedly met up again with a very old friend, and now we have been seeing each other for 6 months. At first it I just looked at it as a ons really, but he really has stuck in there and crept right in and made me rethink my silly mindset i was in.

Hes mentioned marriage. I said that its too soon. I have no clue when i think I will be ready for that, but in the meantime I am just enjoying him and this new step in my life. I am 49. He calls me the love of his life. I overthink that terribly and do wonder if I really am, but then again I was in a emotionally abusive marriage so I do tend to wonder if its just something that he says, or if he really means it. I am getting there though and he is the most incredibly patient person I have ever met.

I am proof that you meet people at the most unexpected moments.

Pinkmonkeybird · 09/01/2019 12:06

@isthismylifenow That's kind of reassuring. I'm 49 this year, split with my ex of 9 years in October 18 (cheated on me) and have sworn off relationships for the foreseeable future with the view to concentrate on my youngest (she's 15 and going through her exams this year). As it is all still quite early on, I just don't feel I will ever want to enter a relationship again, but do know I won't feel like this forever. Friends have said I should get out there and date, but I really don't want to at this point in tim. But your post gives me hope that it could happen and I would prefer to meet someone when it is unexpected.

isthismylifenow · 09/01/2019 13:15

@Pinkmonkeybird

I know exactly how you feel as my youngest dd is the same age, so i just wanted to be sure that she was coping and getting through school etc etc fairly unscathed. So she and ds were my main focus.

I was also told to go and and date, it started to annoy me as I just had no interest in meeting anyone. I spent a lot of tine just being alone which sounds awful, but was probably the best thing for me, started to remember things that I liked to do that I didnt get a chance to as everyone else and the ex came first.

As I said, I didnt expect this at all. But I look back now and see that if I had met him 2 or 3 years ago, we would not be together now, as then I was absolutely not even close to ready.

Its not been long. Take care of you and the dc and things will fall into place, you will see.

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