Stupid question about small children and love

[GirlFliesHome]

Okay, this is really silly but it does upset me a bit.

I have 2 DSs. DS1 is 9 years old, nearly 10. He is very autistic. I, of course, love both my children more than life itself. Today, we were going down to the town for a bit of shopping and a hot chocolate and DS comments casually; 'I am not sure I love you, mummy, but I do quite like you'.

I did not say anything, and afterwards thought that actually, it is not his job to love me. It is MY job to love and nurture him, and to do everything I can to bring him up in a way where he is loved, and safe and as happy as possible. but it hurts a very great deal, to be honest.

I have no question. Just wanted to unload really.

I think you have to take it with a pinch of salt, of course he loves you. He must feel very secure that you love him or he wouldn't say things like that.

My four year old said today that when she is 5 she will probably love Daddy, but as she is only four at the moment she only quite likes him. I'm afraid I thought it was hilarious, not sure how I would have felt if she'd said it about me though!

Abstract concepts like love are hard enough to comprehend as adults. I'm NT but I don't for example use the word love (not in a meaningful way) as I can't get my head around it exactly. I can't imagine how confusing it might be for a young child. Add ASD into the mix too.

I'm sure he feels just as positively about you as you wish him to, And as the other children in his class etc feel about their parents.

He feels positively about me.

Okay. That will do. :)

Thank you both for your posts. x

Please don't take it to heart. Austistic children are incredibly honest at times but also incredibly literal.

If he says he likes you then it's probably more meaningful (to him) than saying he loves you.

My DS said some incredibly hurtful things during his teens but yesterday he called me "the best mum in the house" (we have quite a few animals who have had recent births.)

KOKO.

I like that Not. Best mum. :)

I'm not sure anyone really grasps 'love' in the very neat way that our language use suggests we do. He sounds like an analytical thinker OP! If we were all so analytical, we probably wouldn't use the word 'love' so easily either. He very likely loves you exactly the same as all other children love their parents. Do you think that when NT kids use the word 'love' they mean something very different to what your son does when he says 'like'? The fact that he didn't just stop there but went on to reassure you that he likes you I would think proves that he does feel (what, if you had privileged access to his thoughts/emotions, you would describe as) love for you.

loving Ford's post!