Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Finished relationship

14 replies

Chucklecheeks1 · 06/01/2019 18:26

Ive just finished a ten month relationship with the perfect man because it didn't feel right. On paper he was perfect and i do love him.

I know ive done the right thing but as soon as the kids are in bed im going to sob.

He has a unhealthy relationship with his parents. He recognises this but can't see he is repeating the same pattern with his own children. The more time he spent with my children the more i realised i dont want my kids around that.

I miss him

OP posts:
VietnameseCrispyFish · 06/01/2019 18:39

He wasn’t perfect my love, if he was perfect you’d still be with him and happy. This is for the best, well done on taking action even though it hurts Flowers

Original poster
Chucklecheeks1 · 06/01/2019 18:50

I know 😢

OP posts:
misstakenone · 06/01/2019 18:54

watching this thread as am in almost exactly the same position but slightly different reason for ending things. FlowersWine

SoleBizzz · 06/01/2019 18:56

You did the right thing. Oh boy, you're healthy X Be proud! You will grieve for him though. Don't go back to him x

Original poster
Chucklecheeks1 · 06/01/2019 19:02

Im trying really hard not to message to see if he is ok. I know i did whats best for mw and the kids but it hurts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chucklecheeks1 · 06/01/2019 19:02

Misstaken im sorry you're going through this too x

OP posts:
SoleBizzz · 06/01/2019 19:27

When we keep communicating with ex the temptations are even stronger to get back together. I feel you should block his number. You'll feel so much worse when you split up next time!

misstakenone · 07/01/2019 07:50

Thanks chuckle. It sucks doesn't it. I can't stop thinking about all the good times and hopes we had for the future. And wondering if I'll ever meet anyone as great again. But last couple of days I have been doubting myself less that it was the right thing to do.

Original poster
Chucklecheeks1 · 07/01/2019 11:24

I hope i hit that point too. I wish i did want what he does and that I could accept the issues with his family. But my children have enough conflict in their life with thier dad without me adding to it.

In a weird way im also proud of myself for doing it as it was the hardest thing i have ever done. I love him but he passes my boundries (unintentionally) and i need to act on that.

OP posts:
Changedname3456 · 07/01/2019 11:30

So I assume he has kids from a previous relationship and you have your own too? And you don’t like how he’s bringing his up (and by extension the way he might influence yours)?

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing. And it can’t have been easy, so well done for finding that strength.

zestylemonbel · 07/01/2019 11:40

I've recently broken up from an on/off relationship of 6 years!! We now have a 15 month old child together, and because I said we need structure and routine for her so he needs to be consistent with her, I was called every name under the sun and looks like he now no longer wishes to have a part in our child's life and still refuses to go on her birth certificate because it seems to be too much commitment.... and he doesn't like to think that he is answering to someone.
This last stint was the last time we tried to make our relationship work.
We've been separated 2 months now, and I know this is it now. Feels totally different.

But my point of the story is.
Don't waste your time trying to be with someone with someone you love but is unhealthy for aspects of your life. You obviously already know where you want to go in life and the people you want around you and your children. You're already doubting it after 10 months. Don't waste 6 years like I did.

Original poster
Chucklecheeks1 · 07/01/2019 11:42

I wasted 15 years in an abusive marriage... ill never make that mistake again.

OP posts:
misstakenone · 07/01/2019 12:43

Chuckles - yes he has DC from a previous relationship and it was behaviour he showed towards my son which was the final overstep of boundary for me but also some behaviour towards me I was also not happy with either.
And I do wonder if I ended it partly as I am so scared of getting into another abusive relationship. When some of his behaviour affected me I gave leeway but when there was an affect on my children I ended it as like yours they have had enough trauma in their life already without bringing further problems into their lives.

Original poster
Chucklecheeks1 · 07/01/2019 17:47

We both have kids from a previous marriages. They were lovely but the pressure he put on them to succeed monetarily was too much. He got it from his dad who is atrocius and made him feel like a failure all the time.

But he couldnt see he was mirroring his parents behaviour with the kids too and i dont want mine part of that.

The miss today is large and ive teared up a few times but i know it will get better.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page