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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Our dysfunctionl family - how can I fix it for my kids?

28 replies

FedupofFamily · 02/09/2004 20:55

dh and I married 5 years ago. We last saw his parents on our wedding day. His mother was disgusted that we did not have the wedding she wanted. She is waiting for an apology for dh marrying me. dh believes the only time he will be able to build bridges with his mother is if we divorce.
We have had two gorgeous sons in the last five years. dh and I love each other completely. He has had to choose me over his mother. I have sent pictures of my babies, invites to visit, nice cards etc ever since ds1 was born to my parents-in-law (always with my dh blessing) But nothing in 5 years - they have never seen or cuddled their adorable grandsons. dh parents send expensive presents, cards and letters to my sons (who are 1 and 2) but ignore invites, or make up excuses when we invite them to visit. I, personnally have not spoken to either MIL or FIL since just after the wedding dinner. My sons will soon be of an age when we need to explain. I can't give up for their sake, but my husband thinks it is a lost cause. BTW dh has two brothers and MIL hates both their wives. dh's brothers have not seen their mother for 7 and 3 years respectively (since they got married, actually).
I don't want to give up, for dh and ds sakes, but how can you fix this one? My own father died many years ago and my mother is not interested in my children. My gorgeous boys do not have a single doting grandparent. I makes me want to cry.

OP posts:
hester · 03/09/2004 16:16

anorak, when you say 'previous life' do you mean your life before you met dh, or literally a previous incarnation?! Sorry to ask, but I have to know whether your in-laws are just nasty people, or genuinely bats...

Either way, how awful for you. And your kids.

FedupofFamily · 03/09/2004 16:54

I'm intrigued anorak. How did they get the impression you had been a porn star!?!!!

There are a lot of very odd people out there...

OP posts:
MeanBean · 03/09/2004 21:43

Fedup, whenever I hear the phrase "Families need Fathers" I always think "families need good fathers". And it's the same with grandparents. Any old grandparents won't do, they've got to be good ones. It's a terrible shame that your kids are missing out on this relationship, it's incredibly valuable, but your ILs wouldn't give them this experience anyway, so they're not missing out on it with them, IYSWIM.

There are charities which have adopt a granny schemes (although I can't find any on the internet, I know they exist - your local Volunteer Bureau would have details) and Contact the Elderly (www.contact-the-elderly.org) for which you could volunteer so that your children get that relationship. You sound a bit like Mother Teresa yourself, tbh - I've totally given up on wierdo loony MIL myself, and decided that she really can't add anything remotely positive to children's lives... but that's another story...

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