We're doing this wrong aren't we? FWB

[MrsDaveGrohl78]

Looking for a little advice... this could be long so get a brew!

Started a new life and moved 300 miles away from 'home' 2 months ago. Met a man who I work with, get on really well, added me on Fb etc.

He randomly messaged me over Fb a month ago while I was working at a festival and been messaging ever since, just the standard messages you'd send your friends about your day etc etc. I was in the pub one night and while messaging I he was at a different pub, he came to meet me and carry on having a few drinks together... to cut a long story short, I ended up staying at his house and having sex.

We talked and neither of us want a relationship but the sex was amazing so a FWB arrangement could work quite well. The problem is, it seems a little more and I'm not sure if we're doing it right IYSWIM?

He often texts morning/goodnight and we talk often through the day.
We meet up to watch football occasionally (support the same team).
He stays over at my house and is very cuddly during the night and in the morning.
I was cooking on Friday and he invited himself over! We sat chilling and watched a film with my housemate, ate our food and then continued with our film night. While eating I mentioned I'd give him a shout next time I made lasagne (!)

Was thinking about it this morning and I don't think we're doing this 'right', not that I'm unhappy with the arrangement to be fair, I just don't want it going further if that makes sense? Does he actually want more or am I overthinking this?

I'd say to him, we're behaving like girlfriend and boyfriend. And see what he says. I had a man do this though, he wouldn't call me a girlfriend but he acted like a boyfriend. It didn't mean we were bf and gf though as that just wasn't his plan. So maybe your 'friend' is happy to act like a boyfriend safe in the knowledge that he's never described himself as your bf. if he wanted to make it more formal he'd have come out and said something I believe. If he wanted to be your bf out in the open he'd want to make sure you understood that.

Nice to know what is going on though.

I'd say just go with the flow. FWB doesn't mean only contact when you want sex. That's more like a bootie call.

It sounds really nice, why don't you just see how it goes, you enjoy his company , being alone is hard and meeting up for sex just sounds soulless

I like him, he's the kind of guy I'd date (even though he's 9 years younger) but I'm just not in a place to date at the moment.

I have fun things going on in my life that I want to sort out and enjoy without having to make time for a relationship and the hard work that goes with it. Also like my independence and freedom too much to want to give it up. I know it sounds really selfish writing it down!

If he invites himself over and you don't want to spend time with him.. make up an excuse.

You can control how much or little of him you see.

To be fair I wasn't bothered about him inviting himself over, me and my housemate were just chilling out so it made no difference. If I wasn't happy I would've just said "not tonight"

I think it sounds exactly right - you're behaving like friends, and having sex, precisely what a FWB arrangement should be. I guess it only goes over the line if one of you mistake that for something more exclusive/committed.

Poor guy ! I'd end it and let him find someone who wants a good morning etc

Hmm I had a guy who did this. Was All cuddly in public if we were in my city bit I soon noticed there were no invitations to go to his, meet his friends etc. He wanted the girlf perks as a little extra on top of sex but wasn't going to risk anyone around him knowing about me at all... I didn't want to be his girlf but didn't want to be a secret either so I let it fade out.

I posted a very similar thread a while ago. Under a different user name.

Except by the time I realised we were doing it wrong, I realised I wanted more. I posted with intention of getting support to end it. Instead, very wise mners pointed out I would be stupid to push him away when I clearly cared for him and he did for me.

So we had a chat and he is now my Dp.

However, in your situation if you would definitely walk away if it got too serious. I would try and have the talk. Tell him you are happy how you both are but don't want a commitment.

Ok I'll just keep things as they are, I'm happy enough with it, as long as he is too it shouldn't be an issue

I think it sounds nice. So unless you definitely wouldn't ever want a relationship with him I'd let it run. I've had an FWB become more previously too, I think the longer you keep seeing each other the more likely you like each other more and your attachment grows too as you keep spending time and sleeping together.

Enjoy it 😊

This is ideal friends with benefits to me....Anything less than this is booty call territory.

Wanting independence and freedom isn't selfish at all!

You've both said you don't want a relationship so just enjoy the perks with non of the hassle.

Happy days!

I have a similar set up

We message each other everyday and get together for meals out/cinema as well as booking weekends away together

We both know it isn’t a conventional relationship that is leading somewhere

It is what it is for now

If it makes you both happy, keep doing it

Ok so...

I messaged him when I was out drinking and needed to ask...

Me: Quick question, are we fuck buddies? Or something more?
Him: Fuck buddies, why have you pulled?
Him: Then again...
Me: Then again???
Him: Don't know what to say tbh I'll just leave you to your night
Me: Just needed to know
Him: Have I pissed you off?
Me: Not at all!
Him: Cool, enjoy

Then next morning he messaged me immediately to ask how I was feeling (I usually have a hangover 😂)

But ever since that night, he's kicked things up a notch, kisses on all of his messages, wants to cuddle up and hold hands, wanted to come round the other night and was so tired he just wanted to cuddle and have a good sleep. He wants me to go for cocktails with him next week - we never go out together!

Yesterday he had a shower before he left and was talking about leaving a toothbrush here...

I'm a little confused as to what's going on! I pretty much asked him outright what was going on but I'm starting to catch feelings as we're getting really close. Has anyone else been in this situation?

It sounds like he wants more than fwbs.

It sounds like you both enjoy each other’s company:). It’s been going on for awhile and neither want to stir the pot. You both seem to like each other, enjoy each other’s company and now are testing waters. If you are not interested, make it clear. If you are, see where things go🤷‍♀️

OP you seem as if you are over analysing/ over investing in the situation with the detail you've gone into in your posts In my opinion. personally if you wasn't arsed I don't think you would be 'caring' enough about what it is, because it is... well... what it is.

Don't be fooled though, some fuck buddies will play this cosy game as long as it means they are getting leg over! They want to keep you all sweet to carry on the arrangement.

Sorry OP just realised your first post & last post was months ago

I'm starting to catch feelings as we're getting really close. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Oh boy, I have been in this situation! Me and my friend had a one night stand after some flirting ramped up. We kept having sex and flirting which was really fun and fulfilling, but a relationship just wasn't on the cards - we were both young, at university and wanted to enjoy the single life. Neither of us had any desire for something serious and committed. We moved in together when on a work placement together (everyone in our course formed groups and moved in together so not unusual) and continued our friends with benefits situation there. We really enjoyed spending time together and had a great laugh. After a while it sort of started showing that we were getting feelings but we were a little more immature than you are now! And neither of us would say so. We even started telling each other 'I love you'. But the arrangement worked for us both and it felt like we were still free in our prime years, so the informal thing stuck. Things carried on and were great - everyone said we were just like a couple and questioned why we weren't together, but we'd laugh it off and say it wasn't like that. This went on for a couple of years.

tldr; We married on 30 September 2017. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

It sounds like a perfectly normal start to a good relationship!

Don't try and label it, just enjoy it!

He wants the gf experience with the commitment level of a feb but if you don’t want the bf experience, just tell him.

He wants to be your No1 Fuck Buddy

Catch feelings? Saw that on another thread here.

I think you seem to have feelings or are being over analytical.

Fuck buddies is just a relationship where you are not going to make a commitment. It means he could see other people, are you happy with that? Did you discuss when you would say of you were sleeping with other people.

Don't invest more than you can afford to lose and from my reading it's feels as if there is more effort your side. Why text hom when hungover unless you are constantly thinking about him.