When did you know it was the end?

[onyxopals]

A none abusive relationship, 1 DC. Feels like the unhappiness in our relationship is outweighing the happiness now.

But when did you know for sure it was the end?

I used to wish he'd have an affair.

When he suggested counselling for our problems and I just realised I didn't care enough about saving the relationship to bother. I'd just got to the point where I felt that literally nothing could repair the damage that had been done.

When I sat on the sun lounger on our family holiday in July with tears running down my face as I watched a single mum having a totally awesome time with her kids, and wished I could be her. I can identify with many other posters feelings also. I haven't left yet. We are in counselling, but unless the counsellor turns into a fairy with a magic wand I know we are over.
OP, I think for many women its a slow burn. Some never quite get to the point of leaving, they preoccupy themselves with other things and settle for living under the same roof. Others, like me, know its coming, just haven't quite got to the point of no return. There is no 3rd party, no DV, we just want different things out of life and can't really agree on much any more.

I have form for flogging dead horses so it took a good 2 years between the sudden lightbulb moment that I didn't love him any more to actually having the conversation. 2 years filled with increasing irritation about everything he did or said, even breathing .

I did have a talk with him about 5 months before the actual end, detailing the main issues, one of which was that he never did anything proactive for the relationship. I said I'd go to counselling with him on the strict understanding that he was to book the sessions.
He never did, so I took it as a sign that he wasn't that fussed either.

What don't you trust each other about, OP? Where has that come from, because it generally doesn't come from nowhere? Maybe it is that which is causing the unhappiness and could be worked through?

When I was in ITU having to kiss him goodbye as he was brain dead on a ventilator after a massive cerebral haemorrhage at the age of 36. Still grieving him now, 27 years later.

When I stopped wishing him dead and started wishing myself dead.

When I realised that I was continually fantasising about a police officer knocking on my door to tell me he'd had a fatal accident. Wishing he would hit me so I could end it easily and blame it on him. When I realised I couldn't face retirement with him cos he irritated the hell out of me.