How do I support DH with anxiety?

[Itwillallbegood]

The whole thing is a bit of a mess really. In hindsight, DH has always been very anxious about certain things but it's never really been acknowledged. This came to a head before Christmas when he had a panic attack in a shop and ended up at ooh Dr because he is convinced he has heart disease. He was given meds for anxiety which he isn't taking and an appt for an ecg. He goes to sleep at night and wakes up with his heart racing he says. The ecg was a disaster - he worked himself up so much his heart rate was through the roof and the gp called an ambulance. Paramedics talked him down and heart rate came down so all psychological. His anxiety is worse than ever and it's making the house tense which is affecting our 2 year old. I know he can't help it but I'm struggling to be supportive when a close relative has serious health problems and I've recently started a new, stressful job. Our relationship has always been tense and I don't know how to help. I wonder if we need to separate for the sake of our child but married him for better or worse and want to help him.

It's simple he needs to take his meds.

He was given meds for anxiety which he isn't taking

Why should you support him, if he won't support himself?

Why doesn’t he want to take medication given?

What other treatments has his GP suggested he can do alongside medication?

What was he given, and why don't he take it? Waking with panic and a racing heart is really scary but quite common with severe anxiety.

Op: take a look at CBD oils for anxiety. Totally natural and can but from Holland and Barrett. It’s done my anxiety a lot of good. Not saying it will work for you husband but might be worth a try.

My ex had horrendous anxiety and was abusive because of it, he medicated with alcohol, and took it out on everyone. Was horrible but he won’t help himself. It’ll only get worse and more ingrained the more he leaves it.

I was expecting to be flamed for being unsupportive so thank you. He won't take it because he doesn't think he has anxiety- he thinks he has a heart problem. Which of course is the anxiety talking. No other treatment suggested, the meds were prescribed by an ooh gp on 22nd December so it feels like a bit of a sticking plaster to get him out at a busy time. Will look at the oils thank you

pudding21 good advice about the oils, but OP should ask him to research these oils himself, or he'll quickly place OP in a fixer/carer/mummy role. OP has enough on her plate without trying to manage her DH issues when he seemingly won't help himself.

The knowledge that his anxiety is affecting both his DW and his 2 year old should be enough for him to engage in facilitating coping mechanisms himself, be it medical or alternative.

Ah, I see. That must be very scary for him, to feel he's not being treated for a serious illness. Anxiety is not at all logical, so you can't really expect him to react logically.

Could you convince him to take the meds anyway, just in case they help? You could say they'll make him feel a bit better because he's anxious about his heart, while he waits for another GP appointment/heart investigation.

Will he go back to the gp and see a doctor in a regular appointment ?

Can you suggest that if he thinks it’s his heart, by taking the medication & it not working then further investigation can be done when the medication doesn’t work...

I have anxiety and heart issues. They impact on each other.

Could you tell him that he might indeed have both problems i.e you are taking his issues seriously and not fobbing him off like he thinks everyone else is....

.....but we (say we as it will make him feel supported and feel someone is on his side) need to prove to the doctors by him taking the medication.

This thread is so similar - there might be some relevant advice there or you could even show him the thread - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3469399-the-doctor-refused-to-help-aibu-here?pg=1&order=

He must take the meds. If he won’t you are well within reason to come down hard on him. My dh takes anxiety meds and will need to for the rest of his life.

quernofthecroneage I didn’t mean she take it upon herself so sorry if it came out that way.

Unfortunately I know only too well about someone taking responsibility for their own mental health. My ex takes hardly any responsibility and buried his head in the sand. Leading to the end of our 22 year relationship.

It’s right though op, he has to help himself.

Awwwww pudding21 sorry if I came across as harsh to you! not intended

Sorry to hear about the end of your 22 year relationship, but sometimes you have to walk away to safeguard your own MH.

"Our relationship has always been tense and I don't know how to help. I wonder if we need to separate for the sake of our child but married him for better or worse and want to help him".

Why has your relationship always been tense?. What else is going on here?. Do not let your vows here keep you with him; he made those as well towards you and he is not stepping up to the plate here.

You cannot help or save anyone who does not ultimately want to be rescued and or saved. He does not want your help or support and what can you do to help him anyway?. He is not helping his own self any here and you are basically carrying him. You are his wife and you cannot and must not adopt a rescuer role here.

Thanks everyone, I'm very grateful for your excellent advice. I'll have a talk to him about taking the meds and going back to the GP.

I'd suggest pushing for a heap of blood & other tests. Unfortunately anxiety is too often treat as MH issues before all physical causes are properly considered & ruled out. The meds given can actually make some possible cause worse too.

The one this screams to me & I know from personal experience & support groups that doctors can be dreadful at spotting & treating, is B12 deficiency. I had many an episode like your DH & ended up in A&E with a suspected heart attack which they then blamed on anxiety- it wasn't, any anxiety was a physical overreaction due to the deficiencies.

POTs, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia sounds like a possibility for your DHs heart issues. It doesn't show up on normal heart tests, because it isn't a heart condition, though does affect heart rhythm etc. It's a dysfunction in the autonomic nervous system, so basically faulty wiring that affects the heartrate & more. The attacks are scary when you don't know the cause.

POTsUK is a good site for advice & he needs an Active Stand Test as a first line in diagnosis, but print off instructions from POTsUK, to make sure they do the test properly. www.potsuk.org/diagnosis if you have a BP monitor you can check fir yourself at home too.
My surgery messed it up 3 times. POTs is a symptom of B12 deficiency & anxiety is a symptom of both. This link explains it all & why injections are needed & why not to take supplements...
www.b12deficiency.info/

Low Potassium causes panic attacks too, some BP meds can leach Potassium, so something else to look at. Low normal can also make you jumpy. There's also adrenal problems that affect Potassium levels too.
Low iron or Folate, B6 & other deficiency's can cause anxiety too & even a good. Diet might not help if you have an absorption problem, which can have numerous causes, even a very common gut infection such as H.Pylori

I'd recommend looking into other causes first, you might well find he has an easily treat cause to his problems & he doesn't need the pills to get his life back