Amount of men on dating sites you haven’t meet, trying to invite themself to your house- no chance

[Xxalisoncxx]

Hi everyone, I hope everyone has had a good new year and Christmas? Currently back on the dating scene. I was wondering if anybody else has had this? I get taking to someone, comes across as nice etc then the next minute it’s well, I can come around to yours for that drink. It’s not just one, it seems to be pretty much every other man seems to think that I’m going to go along with this, when I say no I get very nasty replies. Sorry if I sound unreasonable or judgy, I don’t know these men, I’ve never meet them.I have a daughter who is nine in my home. Not a chance I’m inviting these random men to my home. I guess I was wondering,does anybody else seem to get this? Thanks Ali xx

I had one who suggested our first meeting was Sunday lunch round his house over Xmas with both his and my DCs in tow! He seemed nice enough, and it sounded like a genuinely matey offer, clearly not after anything inappropriate but it took him a while to work out why that was weird!

He'd also offered for me to go and try some alcoholic drinks he was working with and then realised that asking a woman you've never met to come and get drunk at your house was probably not wise.

I honestly think that they don't realise that every time we go to meet them we consider the possibility we're going to get raped or murdered. How nice it must be to live in their world.

Those guys just want sex. You will have to scroll through a LOT of frogs and may still never find the prince.

Obviously never invite them or go to theirs always meet in public.

Some of my friends got this but I very rarely did despite dating a lot of guys and being very active on the dating scene!

I put it down to choosing the right kind of guy to start a conversation with. If he didn't have the type of dating profile that showed him to be a decent guy looking for a potential relationship I wouldn't give him the time of day. Ain' nobdoy got time fof an empty profile or things like "about me: best to just meet me".

If he wrote an opening message of "hi, how are you?" or even worse "hi, how r u" there was no way I was replying. Firstly, because I wanted a guy with more about him than that and, secondly, because he hadn't made any effort to even read my profile and write a nice opening gambit to get my attention.

I actually ended up chatting to really nice, decent guys most of the time because I didn't give the losers the chance to treat me like a slab of meat!

I remember chatting to a couple of guys who asked if I had my own place quite quickly. I saw it as evidence of a sex oriented motivation, and them not having their own place: due to living with parents or not being single.

A woman I know was also asked, during her first Tel convo with a guy if she had her own place and, unbelievably, if she felt she could have sex with someone she wasn't attracted to. When she told me I said; you should have replied ' there's a band for places where women have sex with men they're not attracted to, accommodation supplied, it's called a brothel; go and find one instead of bothering me, you cheap bastard'.

Anyway they're after sex and also want to to supply the venue, often because they're not single (or live with mammy and daddy).

(want you to supply the venue)

he hadn't made any effort to even read my profile and write a nice opening gambit to get my attention.

Ah, and just FYI, I also wrote to loads of guys first and made sure I sent them funny, interesting messages related to their profiles so it wasn't just a one-way street!

*excuse the typos in previous message, argh!

Yes I have had this. I had to cancel a first date with a guy because I didn’t have childcare so he wanted to come to my house in a taxi when my child was in bed. Every time I said I wouldn’t do that, let’s just meet for a quick coffee some time he would agree then steer the conversation back to calling to my house! He was very persuasive and made it sound normal.

I also find that even if you might meet for a drink first then they want to come to your place the next time with a bottle of wine —for a shag—. When I used to say What about the children, they would look blank like the thought of that being a problem had not occurred to them.

Gave up in the end.

Had this too but eventually found a gent. Follow Bye Felicia on Instagram - absolutely shocking

If they need your house, it’s because theirs isn’t free.

They are only looking for hook ups. A male colleague of mine does this on a regular basis- arranges a hook up then goes to the woman's house for sex and never sees her again. He's got his own place but doesnt like bringing them there in case they end up coming back uninvited or their partner finds out where he lives!!! I am astounded at how common this appears to be. No way would I be doing it though.

I’ve been doing OLD nearly 3 years now as never had that. I’m quite picky with who I’ll chat to, only ones who have made effort with profiles etc. Join the dating thread on this board for advice!

I had this a few times.
One time I was in the verge of arranging a date, I was just waiting to hear back as to whether my proposed location and time suited him. Before he would do that he wanted to know whether I lived alone. I suddenly got a creepy feeling about him so just blocked him.

They’re just playing the numbers game. Ask 10 people and one lonely soul will say yes.

It’s purely a sex thing I reckon

My dating style is very much like @AgathaMisty - I'm very selective and choose only decent looking people. If someone just sends me a 'hi' or 'u ok?' I rarely reply, or if I do and the convo is slow or dull I un-match. I also would un-match immediately if someone invited me over or got crude in their messaging. You really have to be ruthless and not invest in one person too soon. I've never been sent a "D" pick either - and I've been OLD for 2 years.

Unfortunately I have a friend who literally invites guys back to hers for the first date, even when her DC are in bed. I've tried to stop her doing it, it is SO unsafe, she is just so overly trusting/desperate. So these guys do actually get 'lucky' trying this, which is why they keep doing it. Not all guys are like this, but there are always the ones who will give it a shot.

I'd say for every 99 men there's 1 good egg, you just got to sift through and quickly cut off the wrong ones.

I’m another one who filters ruthlessly and unmatches and blocks at the first sign of any red flags. I still get a decent number of dates (the men tend to keep their red flags hidden until further down the line!) but very few utter weirdos, thankfully. If I were you, I wouldn’t give them a chance to be nasty if they’re rude or inappropriate to you - you owe them nothing. Just block them, and report them to the site if it’s really obscene.

I’ve not experienced this. But I agree with the comments on careful swiping. I have ‘rules’ - name, bio, no kids in profile pic, no negatives or dislikes in bio plus obviously want to find him attractive and interesting. Even then I will unmatch if the conversation seems strange. Today I unmatched one for his lines of ‘you are cute. Are you busy. You are pretty’. No attempt to actually talk to me in those so I just unmatched.

First dates always in a public place. I’ve had one back here but as my kids were our and it was our 6th date.

I have been to theirs but not on a first date and only if I felt safe. I’d also give a friend their address and let them know.

Yes they are looking for sex. Some women will be happy with that approach if they only want sex too, but even then it's advisable to meet in a public place first.

I've had a man suggest it occasionally, I've told them it's not my thing and moved on.