Call me the stupidest woman. Finally woken up

[Ishiede]

He:
Got his ex pregnant and had an abortion
Had two emotional affairs both when I was pregnant
Caught him upskirting females
Only been to one appt for my child’s disabilities
Hasnt married me after 14 yrs
Started to be physically abusive
Says he’s not happy in the relationship.
What is wrong with me that I have stayed with this man for so long?
The only thing he provides is a home. I literally hate myself. Why am I still here?

I didn't want to scroll past. Don't hate yourself, but do start making an escape plan.

“You can’t cure it till you name it.”

You just named it.

I do. I’ve stayed because I don’t want my kids to come from a broken home like I did. How messed up is that

Please call women's aid and start putting together a plan to leave. I hope you find a safe place away from his abuse xx

He earns a 6 figure salary. We have a lovely home. He says if I leave him he will take the kids and I can see them fortnightly. I’m scared

Oh come on, he's not going to take the kids! There isn't a court in the country that would allow that. Do you have somewhere to go to with the children?

I’m a full time carer for my son so I have no income apart from his disability allowances.

I agree. Please all Women's Aid for help in leaving.

Your children ARE in a broken home. re-read your OP. Get them into a healthy, happy, whole home ... get help and get out.

don’t want my kids to come from a broken home

They’re already in a broken home, OP. If you thin’ they don’t know you’re being abused, your living in cloud coocoo land. Please leave for all your sakes. You and your children deserve better. If you don’t leave, he’ll probably leave you for a younger woman that he can abuse.

I have no where to go. I have no money

He won't take the kids. He's just saying that to keep you there, btw. He's attended ONE appointment for your disabled child in all these years? trust me, he's not going to give up his career to become a carer, and he's not going to willingly pay for someone to come in and do it ... that's why he's keeping you there.

Get help and get out.

I feel so wrong. Tonight tipped me over the edge. Talking about travellers marrying kids at 15 and how they have the right idea. He said it was a joke. In what world is that funny

I understand how you feel.

When you say all those things together - it doesn't sound great...but.... they may have happened months apart, and somehow, when you're busy with life, or charmed at the right times - by a partner you love and want to believe in - it happens.

It's when you're at breaking point or have time for reflection, that you sit back and wonder how on earth you got there... I'm confident this happens to hundreds of people all the time.

Over a long relationship it's easy to get lost in a fog - particularly if there are kids or assets involved.

You're not silly in any way. You just need to decide whether you are truly ready to make the change and if so, how.

Please contact women's aid as soon as you can.

He may hold the financial cards here but you are your sons carer, he won't be removed from you and given to someone who hasn't cared to go to appointments.

Are you safe tonight?

Please make an escape plan, you're not alone, there are many on here that have amazing advice.

Women's aid are there to help and advise please phone them and start an escape plan. They are well used to helping women with the fears that you face and the danger. Are you safe o p at the moment?

I feel so wrong. Tonight tipped me over the edge. Talking about travellers marrying kids at 15 and how they have the right idea. He said it was a joke. In what world is that funny

He was probably saying that to get a rise out of you OP but could also be a sexual deviant (my ex-H certainly was and would say some awful eyebrow-raising things and then pass them off as a joke as well).

You aren't stupid. Just thank goodness you have woken up now and not wasted your whole life with this man.

Hope you are ok op.

I went to Woman's Aid, they will discuss with you the range of serices they provide. Where I live this included a support worker, counselling, free legal advice session, sessions on different topics.

I feel stupid for fucking over my life for an arse hole too. Easy to see in hindsight. But years of your views never mattering wears you down. Especially if to the external world your life looks comfortable. And especially if you are worried about kids.

As I understand it, in the UK if you are teh primary carer you should get custody. But you can chat thsi over at the free legal advice if your local woman's aid provide this.

You can go to a refuge if you have nowhere to go.

Go speak to your local council housing officer. You are the resident parent of a disabled child so they should be able to help you. You’ll get maintenance from his salary too. You can do an online calculator if you google CMS

He's bluffing, there's no way he's getting custody of the kids. Don't let him break you, you've come to the realisation that has been staring at you for a while now, very well done for that. Seek the relevant authorities for advice and help. X

Op I'm sorry you're going through this, but people give you advice and you disappear only to start another post.

You need to call Women's Aid. Good luck to you and for goodness sake keep yourself safe. You're worth more Han how he treats you.