Relationship breakdown whilst pregnant

[ericaswift]

6 months pregnant. Relationship has completely gone down the pan. He's emotionally and verbally abusive and I can't take it anymore. He knows I'm unhappy but he thinks everything is fine, of course he does he's not the one being screamed horrible names at.

I can move back into my parents luckily, but I am petrified to make the move. How can I afford a place by myself with a baby on maternity wage?! And I can't bring my child up in a bedroom at my parents surely? I'm absolutely petrified but I know I want to do this without him.

Shameless bump

Just leave love, it will not get better and he will not get better and abuse typically ramps up during pregnancy when your “trapped” and even more so once baby is here and he has that to hold over you as well.

Go to you parents and let them give you the emotional support and strength you will need. It’s not ideal but I can guarantee that it will be so much better than staying with him honestly.

It will be hard and you will probably miss him at time but when your sat at your parents cradling your baby in your arms in a stress free, abuse free, loving environment it will be so very very worth it.

You are doing the right thing to end it.

Contact Women's Aid if you haven't already.

Check what benefits you will be entitled to after the baby is born. Use an online calculator eg Entitledto.co.uk or visit/contact Citizens Advice.

Visit/contact your local council and apply for social housing. If you feel able to report the abuse (ideally to the police but if not then your midwife or Women's Aid) then the evidence will help you to be higher priority in terms of getting social housing.

After the baby is born I suggest you don't put your STBX's name on the birth certificate as this will automatically give him parental responsibility. If you don't put him on the birth certificate he will have to apply to the court if he wants parental responsibility. You will still be able to claim child maintenance from him via CMS.

Are you married or not?
Is your current home owned or rented, and is it in joint names or his/yours?

... just leave, honestly you won't regret your decision in time.

Of course going home seems scary and not the 'ideal' but thank god you've got that option! And remember it won't be forever! It's just an option that will help you on the path to where you want to be in the future!

Don't stress about maternity pay whilst your back home... it will all work out in the end. And as soon as your ready you can make a plan as to working enough to get your own place.

It will all be ok. Life just has a way of turning out that way in the end.

Take the leap, be brave and put you and your unborn child first. Self-worth and self-respect are priceless.

You CAN do this and you WILL be ok xx

We're not married and we just rent, oddly the house is just in his name as I was on probation (at a new job not prison lol) when we moved in so the LL wasn't happy to add my name until employment was confirmed, but he doesn't pay for anything here. So I could actually leave without having to sort the house but as the LL is such a nice person I'd rather give them the notice even though it's not my responsibility.

In an ideal world he'd move out and I'd stay but I don't think I can afford to when my maternity wage kicks in. Plus I can't imagine that he would leave.

I wish I could click my fingers and it all be over, I can't handle any more shouting.

Ok, so stop paying the rent and any bills. You don't need to notify the landlord because you're not on the tenancy agreement so you're not legally liable to pay the rent, but you could notify the landlord as a courtesy. Make sure you contact the council (council tax), energy provider, water company, internet, etc, that you are moving out and ask them to remove your name from the accounts.

It might feel difficult but it's actually very straightforward, much more straightforward than if you were married and/or had a joint mortgage or tenancy.

You are free to move out and start again.

Go for it and don't look back.

Please also check out the Freedom Programme.

Better to bring a baby up in a loved environment in a bedroom at your parents, than in an abusive relationship in a house.

Good luck op

You made the right decision. Stay with your parents until you get on your feet financially.

Good luck and congratulations on the baby

My sister did this. She lived with our parents for a year. She and baby had a solid base to bond and for her to begin to rebuild her life till she was ready to be out on her own. The baby now has an incredible bond with its grandparents too.

Leave him and go home. I would want my DD to do so in your situation without delay.

Maybe once the baby is a year old...you'll be able to get your own place, as you'll be able to save more being at home.