Struggling parent-- please help depression

[magicaltoaster]

Hi, not sure if this is the right place but just want to chat. Struggling today.

I am starting to get on top of my alcohol demons, have tried to engage with gp and local services, but there isn't really much support available.

I have a diagnosis of eupd, can see why. I'm a bit of nightmare, struggle to keep relationships with people. Don't have a family as such. I have cbt books, and have engaged with counselling as far as is funded.

I have my daughter Friday eve until Monday morning, and I am struggling. We have no money. She's well behaved, but I struggle to get through the day, start off with shower etc, then everything just falls apart, and today I slept most of the day. I just don't have the will to encourage her to go out, practise key board, or engage with something educational. She's happy enough watching films, playing with her Xmas presents and looking after her hamster. But I feel like I should be doing more, and this isn't much of a life for her. Most weekends I try to arrange things with her friends, but I don't drive, and am on my own in an inner city flat block.

I am so down, I don't want her to be around me when in like this. I can't reach out because I have exhausted all options. I am stuck on benefits, I volunteer but I have a degree and would like to do something with it, but with universal credit changes I'd loose my flat if I started working full time. I would like a partner and proper family for my daughter, but I just seem incapable of having that.. The last relationship I was in was awful and he smashed up all my stuff, and was abusive. I haven't been able to let anyone else near me since, I can't remeber the last time I even hugged someone apart from my daughter. I put on a face all the time, and I don't think people would be aware how bad it is, but I think about suicide most nights.

Everytime I try to make things better and be a better person I fuck up. I misjudge people and situations all the time.

Does it get any better than this? Has anyone turned their life around? I've had depression as long as I can remeber, and been in hospital because of weight loss, and inability to take care of myself. I just want to hear that it can get better really. If there was an external problem I could try to fix it logically, but the problem is me and I carry it around and can't leave it behind.

this sounds tough magical, I've been through something similar as LP with abusive ex... bad PND and other MH issues, occasional problematic drinking, lonely, stuck at home, depressed, no-one to turn to...

Things are vastly different now my DD is a bit older, I'm happy to say, but it's been step by step rather than all in one go.

I read the Allen Carr book which really helped me cut down booze and the impact has been amazing! I've also made a new year's resolution to do just ten minutes of yoga every day for the year... it's a small ten minute only goal so much easier to achieve - but really helps.

could you find a way to work from home? start a blog, be a virtual PA? Something you can do in your own time part time with hours to suit you.

Keep engaging with counsellling etc but make sure you also do the practical stuff to help, little steps at a time and focus on each one rahter than the bigger picture. Make self care the most important thing you do.
Budgeting - work out income and outgoings, and find ways of economising to build up some savings, however small.

Write a list of positive things you can do and focus on taking one step at a time. Mostly - and very importantly - BE KIND to yourself. I have a lot of negative self talk that I have managed to turn around and it's made a huge difference to my state of mind. Whenever you notice yourself saying something bad to yourself, change it into something good about yourself, parent yourself in a positive way e.g. "i'm having a difficult time at the moment, that's ok but I am trying my best" or "I'm feeling sad because XXX, but I'm going to be feeling better very soon" or "I look great today", or "i'm going to have a great day today and do X".

Also improving my home environment is something that always helps me feel tons better - decluttering just one drawer a day, organising, moving things around, a little at a time. Give your room a changeabout and good clean and feel the positive difference!!

Another thing I have found really helpful is a guy called Michael Sealey on youtube - he does sleep hypnosis for all sorts of things from anxiety to IBS to better health or whatever. Choose one and listen as you drop off to sleep and it really gets in your subconscious mind as you're most susceptible at that time. Try it each night for a week or two and see how you get on (don't worry if you fall asleep!). I've found this kind of thing amazing. Also there are loads of great self help gurus on youtube. I always stick on some self help when feeling down as it can't help but make you feel better and give you good ideas.

Remember - focus on tiny changes to make things better. One step at a time.

And get back to the GP if you need to!

Good luck OP - sorry for rambling on a bit... x

Thank you so much for replying :) it means alot to have someone to talk to, and get some advice.

I keep trying to think if there is something I can do from home. Am already involved in local politics, on a voluntary level, dip in and out depending on my mental state. I also try to do 3 yoga routines in the morning. I like having structure. The morning and evenings are OK, its just all the space in between.

I don't trust my decision making any more. When I look back I just see mistake after mistake, but I always had good intentions, even if they came out really warped.

I posted on a local fb page and someone recommended herbal life drinks for vitamins to fight the depression, well I've taken them for two days now and I just feel ill, headaches and nausea. Researched online and it turns out lots of people have this, why didn't I research first?! It's just one example of the way in which I get things wrong all the time. Why did I stay with my abusive ex so long? Why does he get to walk around surrounded by friends and people who love him, whilst I'm on my own and nobody likes me? I just feel like such a fuck up at the moment. I try to be kind to myself, but it's hard when u are genuinely on your own.

I read the Allen carr book too :) went alcohol free for a month. But other issues started coming out and relised that atm I do need to alcohol as a crutch for when I can't contain my emotions and may do something worse.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Please go back to your gp and ask for more support.

I too have eupd amongst other mental illnesses. I struggled massively and was on the brink of being sectioned at 2 points. I barely showered or ate and became an alcoholic. I started sleeping around and my whole life just fell apart.

It changed when I went to my doctor and basically begged for helped.
I started off with a support worker who would visit me weekly and then I went to DBT (similar to cbt but more for people with eupd).
I was put on antidepressants and antipsychotics and gradually over time, my life started to improve. It was hard work.

I stopped drinking and sleeping around and got a job at my favourite bar. I wasn't quite ready to give up that scene yet so I thought that if I worked there, I wouldn't be drinking there and I was right.
While working at the bar I met my husband and the stability that came with him was what changed my life the most.

I now am off the antipsychotics and am not in therapy. I'm still on the antidepressants but only a low dose. I feel happier and much more mentally healthy than I ever have in my life.
I still can have bad days but they're nowhere near what they were.

I genuinely never would have thought that I could be where I am now as I have been to hell and back but with help, I did it.
Trust me, it's so hard but it is possible to turn your life around and you can do it! I am living proof that it's possible.

Wishing you all the best xxxxxxx

Thank you Mrs mummy, this is what I wanted to hear :) there can be a positive outcome. I will go back and beg again, last time they prescribed mood stabilisers, which I was relectant to take due to my high alcohol use. I might go back now that I'm (nearly) alcohol free and try to start the process again.

It's been three years now that I've wanted to do something about myself, but I'm going around in circles. Sleeping around was a problem until I met my ex, Im totally put off intimacy now after how cruel he was. Its a problem, I've tried to date, and still have sexual desire, but won't let people touch me.

Everything just feels totally fucked. I need more help though.

Once you have a strong support system around you, it will all seem less scary.

I stayed away from men as much as I could while I was trying to sort my head out and it really helped.
I have a history of abusive relationships so being single helped me figure out what I wanted in a partner and what to avoid. After losing all of my self esteem, I came back stronger.

My husband isn't the type of person I'd normally go for because he's too nice lol I decided to give him a chance and it's been so wonderful that like you, I wonder why I stayed in the shorty relationships for so long.

You can and will get better. You just need help getting there and that's ok!