Am I abusive?

[User974246832]

Well not abusive but over react ? Too sensitive ?
Here’s some background I’ve been with my husband 9 years, love him very much and feel
He loves me too. His brother got a new gf a year and a half ago. Didn’t like her the moment I met her, she made a snide comment about me which I brushed off. Tried to get on with her but little digs here and there from her. I don’t know why she was like this but I think she’s just a “bitchy” girl who prefers male company. Anyway about 6 months ago the four of us went for a meal and night out, my husband was talking to her at the bar while I was sat down on my phone, she came
Over and told me my husband had said a man had kept looking at her inappropriately and it was annoying him I went to speak to him ( he becomes an arse when drunk and has flipped when a man touched me while out once which the man deserved!) she told me not
To say anything which I found odd. Anyway me and husband had a falling out over it as I don’t get why he was so annoyed about a man looking at her, he told me it was because he was looking at the both of us. I then forgot about it and went on a girls night out a few months later with her, my friend bought up in conversation that her husband is a dick when another man looks at her or something along those lines to which she turned around and said “yes like the time (my husband name) did when that man was looking at me. I said nothing. Took it out on my husband that night. Now she only seems to message my husband about social gatherings we have a party next week for a family member and she has already messaged my husband asking if he is going, she then messaged me and said she had messaged him and could I ask him to
Reply, to which she then asked are you coming too? I find her so odd and annoying I don’t know what I’m asking for just advice really on why do you think she is being this way or am I over thinking? She could of just messaged and asked me if we are BOTH going or asked my husband, when it’s the other way around I message her instead of bil and ask for the both of them as a couple. Am I being a freak?

Yeah you are right ☹️ I am letting this woman’s words affect my marriage. What can I do to stop this though? I try avoiding her now as much as I can buts it’s hard now she’s a part of the family
Circle. I was always worried my fancied her as I feel she is prettier and thinner. Pathetic isnt it. When I met hubby I was a lot slimmer and better looking, think because I feel I have let
Myself go it has caused this insecurity. I just don’t know what to do

It’s also the fact he didn’t mention that she had messaged him or am I still being a dick? And over reacting do you think?

I've never shouted at my dp.

You need to get a hold of yourself. She's just some woman ffs. Who cares if she's "after your husband". If you trust him it literally doesn't matter at all!

Just ignore it. You're acting like a preteen child with no self control and a love of drama

Total opposite actually, I hate drama and stay away from a lot his family because of drama they create.

I’m acting like a preteen child because I feel
A human emotion? I understand I’ve asked for advice but could you please stop
Calling me names, I really am just wanting some help.

Remind yourself that if your DH is the sort of bloke who would let his head be turned by his brother's girlfriend then he's not worth worrying about in the first place.

Op. You can feel whatever you like. Feelings are fine.

The problem is your ACTIONS. Your ACTIONS are those of a child's. Get your actions under control, stop and think for a minute.

Do you trust your oh?
If not - in what way would shouting and arguing help that?
If he's not trustworthy do you think shouting at him will make him more trustworthy?

Think your actions through.

Your feelings can do whatever they want. It's what you DO about them that will make or break you here.

It’s also the fact he didn’t mention that she had messaged him or am I still being a dick? And over reacting do you think?

You’re overreacting. He doesn’t need to tell you who messages him and you have no right to know.

Do you think what happened that night seems like he has been though? I don’t know if I’ve over reacted to it.

'Didn't like her the moment I met her' is the sort of instant judgement an insecure person would make

Thankyou for your honesty @WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue
I agree I’m just irrational at times and struggle with anxiety. I don’t feel good enough for oh even though he tells me I’m the love of his life and would do anything for me he is a really lovely husband, he has his faults but who doesn’t and I odviously have mine. Everything was great just up until this issue came up ( I now know it’s my issue and I’m my head)

I didn’t like her because she made a comment about my life and culture!
I was happily chatting away to her until she made that comment and since she has made digs over and over when I have never said anything bad to her. I was nice to her and told her she was a lovely
Looking girl the first time I met her.

If everything was great before this then don’t let your jealousy ruin what you have. Your OH will start to resent you if you carry this on and you’ll push him away, then you’ll have real problems.

You can’t control your feelings, but you can control how you act on them.

What did she say?

I think all of this sounds ridiculous.

All of these husbands kicking off because people look at their wives?! WTF?

You kicking off at your husband because another woman talks to him?

Told me she thought people who lived the way I do were “dirty and lived on a roadside”

I have never been like this before though my oh is close to my sister and I can’t be jealous of this woman’s looks as my sister is a beauty queen honestly stunning and I’ve never had a problem with them being close. He also has friends who are women and have no problem. It’s just her I don’t know why.

You're playing right into her hands here....

She only feels like a threat because you don't feel good about yourself or the way you look.

Invest some time into looking after yourself
again, treat yourself and factor some pampering and exercise into your life.

Make sure to stick it to her by looking undenaibly smoking on your next night out....that will really piss her off

Unfortunately the world is full of dick heads like this woman, but your husband doesn't deserve a verbal kicking for her bizarre behaviour.

Thankyou! I don’t feel completely
Mental now. I have been taking better care of myself recently, I also noticed last time I had seen her She stared at me a few times 🤷🏻‍♀️ I smiled and she looked away. I will stop taking it out on my oh I know I’m being a bitch to him and it’s so unfair.