Feel like I'm loosing my mind

[Georgie84]

I am with a guy who loves his work, loves the overtime and would rather be at work then at home, he comes home at 2.30pm after starting at 5.30am and is always exhausted, he usually will sit and play on his PlayStation, sometimes for upto 9pm when he then goes to bed, during this time I can't talk to him as always says he can't do more then one thing at a time so he will make a point of putting the remote down to have a short convo with me and once last breath was spoken he is back on it, if it's not his computer it's his phone, if it's not that then he is napping, all the time I am looking after the 2 young girls we have which as a stay at home mum I am also exhausted by 2.30 and he will just say he's been at work all day and is knackered,, and then he will ask me what is for dinner, he never does any housework ever, doesn't even pit his clothes away! We need alot of work doing to our house and he is always so tired at the weekend nothing ever gets done as he just wants to 'relax'! I thought he did that every day after work!! I was such a get it today not tomorrow sort of person so it drives me crazy looking at all the stuff that needs doing all day everyday, I am so fed up, I try to talk to him but he always make me feel like it's in my head and that I am moody or emotional, says he will het it done and is always so clever with his remarks and has a way of always turning it around and then I end up crying, I am currently sitting in the kitchen escaping eith a Bailey's at 5pm while doing dinner and trying to stop myself from.crying while he is asleep with youngest asleep on him and 2year old playing on ipad, is it me am I too emotional or needy! Should I be doing all of these things as a sahm or should he be helping me when he is off, he also never does night time feeds for 3month old. Oh and he just scorned me for saying I'm going for a shower rather then asking if I can go for a shower, now I am upstairs crying, just had enough now. Been together 5 years, he never wants to get married even though he knew that was a big thing for me when we first met
Sorry the SA

Sounds like the PlayStation is the issue really. 5:30 isn't that early to start work - I work 9-5 but start commuting at 6:30 so up at 5:30 every day anyway. And he's done by 2:30 so has the whole of the rest of the afternoon and early evening to spend with you and the children and do housework etc. Or make some dinner! He is just acting like a child.

make sure the internet gets broken, fails. Deny all knowledge. He has a problem that usually applies to teenagers.

Firstly, it's not you it's him. You are not to emotional or needy he is just making you feel that way so his cushy life of doing nothing can continue and you keep on putting up and shutting up.
Also you have to ask for permission to have a shower? what the honest to God fuck is that all about? He's not your keeper or your boss, you're an adult woman ffs if you want to go and have a shower who is he to have a go at you?

So what is he actually contributing to the relationship? He sounds like a cock lodger and you're his skivvy. Seeing as he isn't pulling his weight around the house it sounds to me like you'd be better off without him there.
I would have a look at what you would be entitled to if you kicked the bastard out, as a SAHM he would need to pay child maintenance for the kids. Seeing as you're not married I'm not sure what else you would be entitled to.

Fucks sake, he sounds like a selfish man-child prick! I am out from 6-5.30 ecery day for work, my DH 7.30-5. Both of us are tired, but we have 3 children who need to be fed, bathed, put to bed. Lunches and washing to do etc so we work together to get it done, then we both get some downtime from say 8pm onwards. He needs to fucking grow up and that PlayStation needs smashing with golf club

The house is in both names but as I don't work I don't think I could afford to live here with the 2 children, he pays all the bills and I get the food shopping. He makes me feel like i should be happy that as he's not the kind of person that goes out boozing or smokes etc, but he's just absent in other ways I guess, he talks the talk about doing all the jobs like decorating and lots and lots of unfinishined odd jobs around the place bit them never does it, he says I am like this because I had the implant in 4 weeks ago and I am just being emotional but I feel like I have just had my fill of it all and so I'm overflowing with emotions from a long built up time of the same thing from him. My mum has always hated how lazy he is, my brother isn't his fan as he goes to Thailand with his brothers each year for a week and I don't get to go anywhere, I feel like I know the answer but I do still love him , a lot in fact, I wish he would jis t snap out if it and realise what affect he is having on the family as he also does not spend quality time with the girls

I would love nothing other than to smash it up, but I know he would just go and get another the next day! Maybe I will as I'm sure it would make me feel better!!

Oh god I definitely would, unhealthy behavior or not. It might shock him into realising how much his behaviour is effecting you.

From what you have said you do not have a partner who drives you, who wants to contribute towards your relationship and does not want to commit to you even though he has given you two children.

If he is on the playstation all the time, when he does he have time for his children and you? It also is not a good example for your children to see their father be obsessed with a game or doing nothing. There is such a thing as to much of a good thing. We all need balance and time management in our lives. Just because he is going to work and earning a wage does not mean he should not be accountable when he gets home.

He is not your husband, you say you have a brother and a mum who have also picked up on how he is. I suggest you speak to them about getting help, getting out and seeing if you and your kids can go and stay with one of them. I know its hard with children but go back to college or uni, get qualifications, a good job and earn your own money. Your a strong, brave and good women who doesn't need a man to depend on. You can do anything if you put your mind to it and I believe you can achieve more.

If you feel you cant leave him just yet then at least have a very frank conversation with him and if he doesn't perk up then show him the door.

Is he a postman?

Don’t smash the console, that’s childish, it’ll achieve nothing cos you know he’ll buy another, and that in return will affect the family finances.

Your problem is that he’s not remotely engaged in family life, and he thinks you being a SAHP means he has to do NOTHING other than work and rest.

You’ve talked to him before, right? Told him what you need to change? Then I’m afraid all that’s left is to leave. You can’t change someone. You can only decide whether you want what they’re offering, and walk away if you can’t tolerate it.

He makes me feel like i should be happy that as he's not the kind of person that goes out boozing or smokes etc

He may not drink or smoke but he's emotionally and mentally absent from you and your DC's. Just because he doesn't drink or smoke doesn't give him a pass on being a father to his children or a partner to you.

he goes to Thailand with his brothers each year for a week and I don't get to go anywhere
And
I would love nothing other than to smash it up, but I know he would just go and get another the next day!

Why does he have all this disposable money but you don't? If he's behaving like the money is his because he's the one "working" (he very obviously doesn't view you raising 2 children as work) then he is financially abusive.

It sounds like your mum and brother have the measure of him and would be there to support you if when you realise you don't have to live this way, you don't have to put up with this emotionally manipulative shit treatment from him and your DD's don't have to grow up thinking this is how a relationship works and this is the best they can expect from their relationships when they are older.

Imagine if one of your girls came to you when she is your age and told you this was how her relationship was? What advice would you give her?

I wish he would jis t snap out if it and realise what affect he is having on the family
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh OP but this is never going to happen. He knows exactly what impact his behaviour is having and he doesn't care. He can just turn everything around on you and either fuck off to Thailand or go play on his PlayStation and he knows things will stay exactly as they are with you taking care of everything while he gets away with doing nothing which is just how he likes it