Co parenting

[madison311]

Hi. Looking for opinions please. Me and husband separated 10 months ago he moved into rented accommodation. He says he cannot bring kids over there as it is not suitable or keep them overnight. His family live miles away and kids hate going there. I'm just so stressed about it all as I feel I'll never b free of him as he starts arguments with me wen he is here and even caught him trying to steal money from my purse. I want the kids to have a good relationship with him but just wish he could spend time with them else where Does anyone else do this( let x Spend time with kids in ur home after separation) and how can it work

My ex use to pull that one “cant have the kids at mine as not suitable” it didnt work as he spent the whole time trying to get into my bed, he now doesnt bother to see them at all!

My ex is currently spending time with my baby girl at my house while I go to the gym. I trust him not to steal from me and things are currently civil between us (it's tough for me as he was the one to leave and I still love him, but I'm doing what I think is best for the baby) anyway, I have often thought what if I don't want him at my place. If I found him trying to take money from my purse I wouldn't want him around my place. There are contact centres, they are places people can use to see their children when they don't have a safe place to take the children or when there could be child safety issues if the child is left alone with one parent. For examples if one parent is a drug user. He won't like it but if he wants to see his children he will have to either use the centre or get a suitable place to have them stay over. You can't be expected to bend over backwards for him, especially if he makes you feel uncomfortable. Check out the citizens advice web page, they have lots of information. Also gingerbread, it's a charity designed I help single parent families. Good luck xx

It’s difficult
I think try to put the kids’ first then you will make the right decisions

Do you think his accommodation is actually not suitable or is this a ploy to spend time with you?
For some people it might work for a short period of time for the ex to see kids at their home but it isn’t working for you and it isn’t in the best interests of the children if he’s starting arguments.
Even if he’s in a bed sit/studio flat I can’t see why he can’t entertain kids there for a couple of hours then an hour at the park and home. Maybe little and often would work better in terms of him seeing them if he can’t have them for long.

I would stop him coming inside the house given how he behaved. He will have to be more imaginative and take them out to places like others have to

Its a mess. Since may he thinks he can come and go as he pleases. We share one car. it's in my name and he only has a provisional license. We got it in finance so 12000 is still owed on it. I have him on my insurance. He pays half the monthly repayments. But it keeps us very much tied. Looking at way to get out of this arrangement as he takes the car most days and he shouldn't even be driving it when on his own without being in the presence of a person who holds a full license. But he doesn't see this as an issue.

On another note, is he allowed to drive by himself on that provisional license even?

I hope he doesn’t drive the kids around in that car.

He does. He knows I'm not happy about it but he takes no notice. I did say to him I'd report him if he continues to do it. But don't think I could bring myself to do it. I know I'm being irresponsible by allowing this but feel guilty if I don't let him

Why do you feel guilty allowing him to break the law by driving round with no licence with your dcs in the car? Thats ridiculous

He sounds like a complete loser. Do the kids even have any value from having this guy in their lives? I would a) not let them drive with him in the car as he is not a fully qualified driver b) ask him to make different arrangements and see them somewhere outside/at his place, you can drive them there and pick them up as he shouldn’t really be driving that car by himself at all. If he gets in trouble/has an accident, the insurance will be completely invalid and the children could er hurt.