Men - how much does acne put you off?

[GraceMarks]

That's what I want to ask really... I am thinking of getting back into dating this year, but I'm currently perimenopausal and I get really bad cystic acne all over my chin at particular times of the month. It's really noticeable and ugly, and makeup doesn't make much of an impact other than making it slightly less red.

I have been out of the game for years because of feeling crap about the way I look and I don't want to get back into it if I'm likely to be rejected over my bad skin.

Don't hold back or try to be kind - if your date showed up looking spotty, would it put you off her?

I am not suitably placed to give medical advice etc etc etc but I've suffered from chin cysts for years and years and years.
I eventually went to the GP and was prescribed antibiotics which after one month meant I didn't get them again.
Regrettably the effect didn't last after I came off the antibiotics and have literally just started a course of Roaccutane which I anticipate will do the trick.
When I get those chin lumps I feel dirty and disgusting and people who haven't had them don't quite understand how it can affect how you feel.
If it bothers you, consider going to to the GP and ask to be referred to a dermatologist. I had to wait a few months on the NHS but eventually got an appt.

userofthiswebsite thanks. I suffered quite badly in my teens and had antibiotics and roaccutane back then. It then went away for a bit and it's only since my hormones went nuts again recently that it's come back. On a day to day basis it doesn't really bother me, as I've never been much to look at and I haven't experienced any angst about "losing my looks" as I get older. So I suppose I was looking for some outside perspective about how I might be seen by others. It seems opinion is divided though.

My acne was so bad I went on roaccutane twice. Also on my back. Being single and dating was never an issue that I was aware of. I hated it but no one ever made me feel bad about it. No way should you force yourself to be single because of it, that exactly how depression over acne happens!

Echoing others .. but no way should you not date because of acne! I know a lady who has cystic acne and very bad scarring and she met a great guy and got engaged within a year! I think even the desire to date is a good step (on a personal level, my confidence is non existent (not acne related) so I wouldn’t even consider it so you’re one step further!) I wouldn’t want anyone to be like me so please, do date! So many women have hang ups about weight, looks, skin, personality - we all have something and skin is yours. And most of those people date! Please do x

I'm female and married but I can honestly say that I would not be put off by something as superficial as acne. If I liked someone it would not matter.

The fact opinion is 'divided' is all the more reason to try it if you feel like dating OP. Nobody here can speak with regards to the opinion of whomever you might date, and trying to protect yourself is a natural reaction, but also potentially very uneccesarily isolating. A self imposed hibernation as though you are less of a person cannot be any better for your self esteem than dating and it maybe not working out, which could be for any reason dating is hardly reliably great anyway is it! It seems like you want to take the answers that reinforce your insecurity as the 'truth, and the others as pandering. If consider whether that's because it's more comfortable in a way to listen to bad self esteem and go 'see, I am too hideous, there's the proof' - that way you never try, and never risk rejection, which is 'safer.

To answer the question honestly, it probably would bother me if I didn't fancy the person or have a spark. If the opposite were true it wouldn't be some huge issue for me that i'd notice. Plenty of people have skin issues and are not single! People get turned off and on by all sorts of things and acne is treatable and can change. I get that you want to avoid feeling worse but It's sad to think that your life choices and whether you get a chance at love are dictated by what's going on with your skin at the moment

I agree with MawkishTwaddle...

I'm assuming you've seen your GP, if not see them.

When you're doing your makeup have you tried colour correction? Urban decay do a very good green to neutralise redness.

With concealers try to go for highly pigmented but thinner consistency so it doesn't look heavy or cakey. Nars do a good one - radiant creamy concealer.

Please don't hide yourself away - someone who genuinely wants you will overlook any imperfections.

I had horrendous acne as a teen and young adult. I have pitted scarring. I had a course of Roaccutane via a dermatologist, it cured the problem. Then once my skin was strong enough I used sunbeds for a few months.
Scarring still noticeable but not horrific. Wear a smile and get out and date. I'm 40 this year, never had a shortage of male attention.

I've suffered with ache since I had my first ds at 16. I'm not being nice I'm being truth. My friend has the same issue and he's a gay man. If your not ready to date that's one thing. But ache isn't a reason to hide even though at times it's hell. Me and my friend both work in retail and there's nothing worse than having a few hundred boils around you mouth making you feel and look shit!!!
Plus these guys you want to date better becoming perfect, because we all have our flaws.
Truthfully my first exh had a tiny penis. Next ex had back ache for days, current dp had a crazy ex and can't dance even though he'll give it a go everywhere- think white man in footlocker. Please don't let the negativity confirm your doubts. Otherwise none of us would date

@GraceMarks get out there!!!

I also suffer from hormonal acne on my chin and have done ever since coming off hormonal birth control around 7 years ago.

I never thought that at 30 my skin would be worse than in my teens but hey ho.

I have a week running up to AF of sore large red bumps, probably a week were they come out raging and a week of waiting for them to settle down. I have many scars from them which take forever to fade.

If I’m honest though, I’ve never struggled to attract men, I don’t really wear makeup as I have other things I’d much rather be doing and all men who I’ve been with have preferred me in my natural skin.

It’s time to embrace yourself. We place too much on certain things we feel insecure about whereas we’re a whole package!

I know it’s weird but what gave it to me was thinking about how my dog doesn’t care that he has brown patches in some places and white in others. He’s just so happy to be out the house and meet people and other animals and watching him enjoy life made me mindful and realised life is a journey to enjoy rather than being focused on superficial things.

Also... I don’t know if you’ve tried this but eating a more plant based diet and drinking water really helps my skin. I still get them at that time of the month but they go easier.

Sorry for the long post but it’s something I struggled with a lot at the start.

Also for those suggesting a dermatologist, if you can afford it great but it may not be beneficial as it’s hormonal and nothing to do with how you look after your skin x

My DH claims that "pussy has no face" which I take to mean that it wouldn't put him off at least I guess (!)

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. It shouldn't bother someone who loves you for who you are.
Some people are very conscious of looks and other people value personality and character more. All you need is a good match, acne may or may not be a factor, depends on who you meet.

I think the truth is that some people will mind and some people won't. Same as for other physical factors such as being very overweight or having wonky teeth. It's no reason not to date.

There is a vast world of difference between beauty and attractiveness. The huge majority of human beings do not have perfect beauty in terms of their faces, figures, teeth, skin, whatever. But people can be very attractive in the face of all kinds of 'flaws'. There will be men out there who find you attractive OP.

I haven’t real the full thread so apologies if anyone has already mentioned this.

My daughter suffered acne from early teens to late 20’s. Hers was unsightly but also very painful. Her GP prescribed a course of Roaccutane. There was an almost instant improvement and after 6 months her skin was clear.

There can be some horrible side affects with this drug so patients have to be carefully monitored but after years of suffering she is now confident and able to wear summer clothes without being embarrassed.

Not suitable for everyone of course but may be worth considering OP

So I would not bother to try and hide confidence goes a long way with these things. Having had disability change my body you don’t want to start anything long term with someone that shallow

I'm female and would have no issues dating a man with acne. No one is perfect visually, I'm more interested in the person anyway.

I know you said you don't wear much make up, but if you were interested you could try wearing some pretty eye make up or similar, if you felt it would make you feel more confident

There are a million reasons why someone would find you attractive or not, not just acne. Surely if someone finds you attractive or not it doesn't matter why that is? Why would you avoid dating altogether in case one feature put people off when you aren't expecting all and sundry to find you attractive anyway??

FWIW I've always had terrible acne, although marginally better not since having kids. And don't think I'm exaggerating it here, we're not talking one or two spots here! Didn't stop me from working as a dancer. Didn't stop a boatload of people finding me attractive. Also didn't stop a load of people being put-off by my small boobs or my overbite either. If you want to get out there, get out there!

I’ve always suffered with acne. When exH left me I struggled with dating, I always hated the way I looked because of it.
Went to GP who referred me to a dermatologist, got an appointment quite quickly, and was put on Roaccutane for 6 months. Best thing I ever did! My skin is so much better. Still get small spots coming up to my break week in my pill, but not really those large awful ones, my my smaller pimple ones have diminished. Over time I think it’s slightly coming back so I might ask for a second course. It’s not pleasant being on them but the 6 months fly by and the end result is worth it!

Hi all, thanks for the responses, and sorry I haven't been back for a while. I've been a bit tearful but I have also done some useful thinking. The trouble is that I had horrible acne as a teen, and I was fat, and the boys in my year at school had this hilarious game whereby they would take it in turns to come and sit next to me in class and pretend they fancied me. The whole joke hinged on the fact that I was obviously too ugly for them to actually mean it. Now I find myself spotty and fat again, I've been catapulted back to feeling like nobody could possibly be interested, only now I'm also middle aged and a bit saggy.

I would really like to be in a relationship, but I don't think it would be a good idea to seek one just now. As someone pointed out further up, I don't necessarily want to attract a man who seeks women lacking in confidence.

That's really horrible what happened to your at school. I hope those boys are now looking back as grown men and are ashamed.
I did have acne as a teen, my doctor gave me dianette the contraceptive pill which can help (it did for me) as mine was due to pcos. I also had a cream to apply every night in the problem areas I think it was called benzoyl peroxide.

I don’t think acne would be off putting. Get yourself out there!

I’m a woman. I have acne on a regular basis, it’s not put a lot of men off approaching me. If it did I didn’t notice because I got a lot of attention from other nicer men. Good luck !

My charmer of a DH has spoken thus : "when will women realise that men always look at the body first,not the face". End of sermon.

Yes, instantly. Go on roaccitane its a wonder drug. Really.

I’m quite shallow but acne is something I just don’t see. I wouldn’t even know you had it unless you pointed it out. It’s like my brain has an acne filter and I just don’t notice it on people at all

Find a man like me!

I'm a feller. If I otherwise found someone attractive then acne wouldn't be a big deal for me. It sounds cheesy but a nice smile and GSOH easily outweigh some spots.