Waiting to date after divorce - is it wrong?

[SailingTheSevenSeas]

I know everyone is different but should I push myself to date?

ExH left in August 2016 (wasn’t happy in his career,had EA, strung me along until I discovered affair, left to travel and find himself etc.). He disappears off the radar for a while so divorce wasn’t finalised until October 2018. I had a miscarriage in December 2016. I had slept with him - please don’t flame me for this. I was still very much in love with him and was hoping for reconciliation; he blatantly just used me.

It took me a long time to pick myself up from all of this and I am now happier in myself and in my own space. I have friends and a good social life. I am content.

A friend of mine told me she thinks it’s a little pathetic. She split from her long term partner (11 years) and father of her child in March 2018 an has just got engaged to her new boyfriend (plastered all over social media). She thinks I’ve missed the opportunity to ‘get back on the horse’. She thinks I’ll be on my own forever now.

I do miss someone in my life and I do want a family. I know I don’t have a lot of time left due to my age. It just hasn’t felt right to start OLD.

Is she right in that I missed the moment and left it too late?

Maybe you want to be ‘on your own forever’? I don’t see anything wrong with that anyway. She doesn’t sound like a lovely, supportive friend.

Live your life for yourself. You haven’t felt the need to date, she has. Good for her.

There shouldn’t be any pressure on you to meet someone - we’re perfectly capable on our own. And if there comes a time when you feel ready, or you meet someone, then that’s for you to judge.

Personally I have always made terrible decisions when I went looking for someone out of not wanting to be on my own.

The moment i’m Ok with it, my lovely DP came along.

Sorry it’s so long 😳

I think splitting up with someone; quickly meeting someone else; getting engaged and plastering it all over social media within the space of 9 months is far more 'pathetic' than taking your time. Especially when your divorce was only finalised 2 months ago.

You could only have missed the moment if you believe in The One and if you had met and rejected that One person in the meantime.

What 'moment' is it she thinks you have missed?

I separated in June. I cannot imagine even thinking about starting to date to be honest. I'm busy with working full time and two kids.

That's enough!

@ThisHasReallyPIssedMeOff couldn't agree more. Seems pretty pathetic and desperate...one of those types that any man will do.

OP date when you want to. It's entirely up to you. Better than quickly getting involved with some horse's arse that causes you more grief.

Left my ex in May last year, and thought of dating again makes me baulk. I'd be quite happy to be on my own forever tbh, no man shit to deal with lol.

Thanks everyone. I think she means the moment to just get going again, as in the longer I leave it the harder it will get?!?

I do want another relationship and, at 36, I know that I don’t have ages, but I needed all that time to regroup. I could not do what she has done, e.g. recreating her old relationship with the new guy so soon after the break up, but at the same time I wonder whether she has a point. Argh I guess she just messed with my head.

Start dating when you feel ready.

Maybe she doesn't want you pining for your Ex and to get out there.

I don't think she means it maliciously.... probably more seeing your Ex moved on even while he was still with you...and 2 years later you're still single.

Are you hoping to have children? Perhaps that's another reason she's saying what she is.

I think she's rushed it...but her marriage may have been over long before the actual divorce. You never know.

I left my stbxh October 2017 and our divorce is nearly finalised. I am not really interested in dating although I might if someone suitable came along, but certainly not looking for it. In that same length of time other people i know have split with long term partners, and are already living with new people, and young dc involved too...personally I think that's madness, these warp speed relationships can surely not be healthy for anyone involved!

To sum up, you are perfectly normal, your friend is not! You haven't missed the boat, and if you have I'm standing at the dock with you! I am enjoying doing my own thing, my business is going well and I've made so many new friends - all more important to me than finding a new fella

I told my xh I wanted a divorce in June 2015

My divorce was finalised a year ago

I’m still single and very happy being single

Neither is wrong or right. Some people aren't ready for a while. Some people are.

I do think being engaged under a year after leaving a marriage Is quick. In my opinion.

However those calling her desperate and whatever is just as bad as saying you must find someone asap.

Crikey, with friends like that, who needs enemies?

I think leaping into another relationship as fast as she has is unwise and a bit desperate, but I'd never say so .

I’m not saying her approach is wrong. It just got me thinking. Yes I want children so will have to put myself out there eventuallt; I’m not sure what’s holding me back.

Unfortunately, my ExH hasn’t moved on but wants to rekindle our relationship. He realised I wasn’t a bad option and the grass wasn’t greener; I’m not going back there though.

I know you didn't op. But some on this thread have and have been very judgmental .